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New baby

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Tegan Thu 09-Jan-14 00:18:52

Oh crikey; bit of insensitivity going on here. Did the in laws not at least ask if they could come over for the birth? Anyway, how do they know when it's going to be..could be early, could be late. You could have lodgers for ages. No wonder you're feeling hurt. The only thing I can think is it's a culture sort of thing with her husbands family perhaps?

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posie Thu 09-Jan-14 00:13:49

My daughter and I have a close relationship and I was present at the birth of my 2DGS at her request. So I can well imagine your hurt and disappointment.
However I can see it from her side. I think it makes quite a difference that her in-laws live abroad so will be staying there and also the fact that mother in law was a midwife. She maybe feels a bit apprehensive about it all and thinks it will be good to have an expert on hand. Things maybe seem a bit scary to her at the moment?
I'm sure however that when the time comes she will want her mum around.
Not too sure about aunt and uncle coming to visit at the same time though. As I said I was there for my daughter at the births and also hospital visiting. Then I backed off a bit to give her and her husband time together with their Baby as I knew she didn't really want visitors in the first week. She knew I was just a phone call away if she needed me.

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Scooter58 Thu 09-Jan-14 00:04:36

Don't think you are being unreasonable at all,I would feel exactly the same way and would have difficulty hiding the fact.And I would probably resent the fact that I was expected to provide B&B as well.Very difficult to deal with,no easy answers on this one,perhaps her Dad could have a word in her ear,gently letting her know that you are feeling upset and hurt?

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Babyboomer Wed 08-Jan-14 23:35:45

I was thrilled when my daughter told me the other day that she is expecting our first grandchild. We have always been close and get on well together, and I have a good relationship with her husband, too. They live 20 minutes drive from us, and we see each other often, so I offered to help out when she comes out of hospital after the birth, as my mother did for me. I was astonished when she said there would be no need , as her mother-in-law will be doing this.

Her parents-in-law live abroad, and when she and her husband phoned them to break the good news, the in-laws said they intended coming over for the birth and would stay at their house. My daughter said she was quite happy with this, as her mother-in-law is a retired midwife, so is experienced with new babies. An aunt and uncle are also coming over, and my daughter asked if I would put them up, as they are not well off.

I smiled, and acted as if I was happy with all this too, and agreed to put up the aunt and uncle. I did not let my daughter see how hurt and disappointed I was. After all, she is the one having the baby, and has a right to decide who she wants to be there. I'm trying to be positive about this, but I can't stop thinking about it, and I'm afraid that one day I may let my feelings show. Do you think I am being selfish in feeling this way? And has anyone got any tips on coping with this graciously? I don't want to spoil this happy time by causing ill-feeling.

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