Hi after a bit of advice about my in laws I've asked on mumsnet but have got the usual go NC but its not really helpful.
And I apologise for posting on here I'm really not a troll or a mil hater or anything like that i know there are millions of nice mils on here who give brill advice hence the post.
We are currently no contact with basically my husbands entire family.
I think the family had quite a few issues before I came along from what dh says a few examples are fil wasn't around very much when dh and his dbros & dsis were younger. Mil was constantly leaving home saying she was going to kill herself and that her dc would never see her again then disappear for days at a time. She gave her (young) DC sedatives on occasions to help them sleep and still insists she has pnd now even though her youngest dc is 24.
When I first met dh we went away on holiday mil and fil
followed just happened to book a last minute holiday to our resort while we were there and didn't leave us alone for the week.
When we got engaged to be married mil told me she thought my dh was just joking and he wouldn't actually marry me. When we did get married she tried to take over the entire wedding and me and dh said we wanted to do it our way. She agreed we were then invited to a party a week later which was a complete mock wedding the way mil wanted us to get married. Obviously these are the most extreme behaviours there had been lots more subtle issues such as constant nasty remarks and not allowing me to be on any family photos so they're not ruined when my dh divorces me etc.
They constantly warned my dh in front of me that he should put more assets in his name so he is better off when we divorce. I wouldn't mind im the major wage earner and they know so were basically advising him to fleece me to my face.
My dh ended up having a big row on one occasion this happened at their house we came home.
I went on to have a DD 3 years ago and I'm not being dramatic I did actually almost die in labour ended up on a critical care unit. They came unexpectedly and while I was asleep managed to goodness knows how take my DD out of my bay and tried to taker her off the ward to see their friends who had come along. I woke up to a midwife shouting at my pil for trying to take my baby away. I did end up becoming obsessed with keeping her safe after this to the point i was having anxiety attacks i again do think they played a part in this. I got frightened to see them on my own because they were so nasty to me. They started just turning up at my house and sitting outside in their car until dh came home without knocking on my door. I do admit when i saw them i wouldnt go out and invite them in as i felt i couldnt face them. they started calling my dh work to speak to him when i wasnt around and were rude to his boss when she didn't put them through.
It all got too much and my dh told them he didn't like their behaviour it blew up into a massive row and they told him they hated me and always had i would never be as accepted as his exgf and that they wished my dh had never been born.
We tried one more time to visit them at a family party at their home but mil kept insisting she held DD I didn't want her to because I just felt like she wouldn't take proper care of her. It blew up into a massive row with everyone in the family getting involved telling me i was being too ott about my daughter I felt pressured and let her hold DD next minute I heard fil scream at mil ran into kitchen and she had DD in one arm while pulling food straight out of oven when my fil came in my DD had been just about to grab the oven luckiky she didn't. I just knew something like that would happen and felt sick that I'd let her hold my DD.
I immediately left the house my mil told my dh she couldn't wait until he snapped and divorced me. Another row with dh followed and we've been been NC ish since. We have since gone on to have another DD that they have only seen a picture of.
The problem we have is my dh adores his brothers and sister but they are now all refusing to speak to him until he makes up with his parents. Everyone in his family know how they have behaved but think we should just back down and move on as 'thats just how they are they will never change' Everyone his brothers sister aunties uncles cousins etc are not speaking to him. No one has even congratulated us on our new DD in case it offends his parents. His parents have texts to say they don't want to see the kids or me but want to see my dh and my dh is appalled by this so he won't reply to them. However theyve told everyone else we are refusing to let them see our dds.
I'm the baddy out of all of this apparently when even my pil say I've been nothing but nice to them they just don't like me.
I don't know what to do I know my dh wants to see his brothers and sister but not his parents but they won't budge.
Do I just accept this situation? I personally don't feel able to see my pil as its just so disteessing and I cannot send my children to see them without me there too look out for them. Which is fine anyway apparently as they don't want to see us. Should I be the better person and force my husband to go even though he doesn't want to because he says they have been disrespecful to his family. its easy to say nc but everyday this situation is on my mind. i dont want my dh to ignore them and regret it if anything happens to them. sorry this post is like war and peace.
ineedsensibleanswersplease Mon 24-Feb-14 18:11:12
Mishap Mon 24-Feb-14 18:16:00
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