looking after grandkids

Thanks for kind words. When my son came in, he had been told that why they hadn't gone to the seaside, he said 'Well boys did you have a nice time with Grandma and Grandpa at the seaside today. The 6 year old said 'We didn't go daddy because we were really horrible to Grandpa the other night and it was our punishment' I never used the word punishment, I think they got the message. We are taking them out for the day on Friday this week. See how it goes. I hope they have learned their lesson.

Flowerofthewest I do feel for you and your DH. A few months ago my DH went to my daughters to sit with our usually lovely DGS who was home from school with a bad cold. As soon as our daughter left the house he started behaving exactly in the way you have described with your grandsons. My husband came home very upset as was our daughter when he told her what had happened. Later she got GS to ring and apologise but he could not explain why he had done it. I know he is only 5 and wasn't well but still......
Since then he goes from being really sweet to a return to that behavior. Our daughter and SIL have been at their wits end. It does seem to have started since he went to school.and he seems to have been better during the holidays. Unfortunatly my.husband doesn't cope well with this sort of thing so I do hope it is.just a phase for the sake of family.harmony.

When I, and my siblings, were small, it was the done thing to play out on the street with other kids, as it was when my own children were young, in the 60s and 70s, it may sound bad nowadays, but back then perfectly normal. We sometimes didn`t see our kids for hours on end. When I looked after several of my grandchildren, in the years between 1994 and 2012, I was conscious of having to take great care with them, but if they wanted to play out with neighbouring children I let them, with the understanding that they stayed where I could keep an eye on them, and it always worked out fine. I never "organised" play for them, there was a box of assorted toys, plus books to read, they just helped themselves to whatever took their fancy at the time.

What a horrid experience Flower.

Flower It is time your son and DiL got to grips with this, I think, for their sake as well as yours. Do I detect a touch of playing up one parent's rules against another's? They need to get together and rewrite the rule book with the same routines and penalties whoever is looking after them.

Not sure what you can do about it, apart from encouraging your son in establishing that when he is in charge, they co-operate with him.

Two weeks ago we were double booked for babysitting. I had promised my DS that I would look after their baby at their house from about midday until around 10pm as they were going to a wedding. My eldest DS had also asked me to have their two boys for a couple of nights while he and his wife went away. My DH said that he would look after the two boys (from around 6pm until I got in, they are almost 4 and 6) I rang him at around 6.30 to hear a terrible sound in the background of them mimicking their Grandpa, calling him names, fighting and generally being obnoxious. I asked for the older one to come to the phone, he declined. I spoke to the little one who spat down the phone, laughed and called me names. I suggested to DH that he used a warning and then the naughty step which he did. They continued to be absolutely defiant, rude and downright horrible to their grandpa, who they usually listen to, love and take notice of. He is a playful man who loves them dearly. I tried to ring my DS and DiL to no avail, their phones were switched off (wonder why) The boys finally dropped off to sleep about 9.30. I got home to find my DH exhausted and near to tears. He said he felt hurt by their behaviour and saddened that they chose to act like this. In the morning I spoke to them both (we were going to take them to the seaside on the following day - I had said to DH on the phone that he could say to them that if their behaviour didn't improve then they wouldn't be going) I told them that because of the behaviour we would not be going and they accepted it. When their parents came to pick them up I said that I would have liked their phones to be left on if we ever had them again but we wouldn't be having them to sleep over together until their behaviour improves (apparently they play my DS up the same when their mum is at work 2 nights a week) We have seen them since and they ran into our arms like the lovely little scamps we know they truly are. Not sure why I am posting this. Good to get it off my chest.

I have only 4 more days to go before school!! The rest of the time my daughter has arranged for the boys to spend the day with friends - so that is a break as far as I am concerned. I do enjoy having them, but it is tiring. Taking the youngest to Brighton and Hove football ground on Thursday for a tour. DH was going but has done his back in and is polaxed at the moment, so I am in charge!

Sounds exhausting grannyactivist

I'm looking after my four year old grandson for the week and whilst it's great fun I am very tired each evening. Today we visited Haldon forest in Exeter to walk the 'Gruffalo' trail (brilliant), then drove to Lanhydrock for a picnic lunch (new cafe and toilets) and finished the day with ice creams at Cardinham Woods (the stream was bustling with children and dogs cooling down). The glaringly obvious thing at all three places was that grandparents and children vastly outnumbered parents and children. The children's play area at Cardinham was heaving with young children, but there was not one single parent in sight - every child was with grandparents. Many of us spent a happy time chatting together about the responsibilities and joys of grandparenthood.

Silverfish, if she is running around the garden with the other children I am sure that is OK for a bit (I trust there are no ponds and that fences are secure?). If they go outside to play on the street that, imo is a no-no for a child of that age. Your DD will have to have a gentle talk with her MIL without causing any problems (difficult).

Aka, if the cassis is vodka based it is not for me, makes me ill!! Thank you (although I am sure I have drunk some in white wine and was OK, but normally just one vodka and tonic would have me heaving!).

I once found my 3 year old son on his bunk bed with his little friend (girl) with a 'nest' made out of the duvet and them stark naked in the 'nest'. Her mother went bullistic and dragged the little girl home telling her off. I asked my little one what they were playing "Baby birds in a nest", why didn't you have any clothes on "Baby birds, tiny tiny ones don't have feathers mummy or clothes"
True.

Where I agree that the 2 year old should be supervised I also think that childhood should be about freedom, fun, running, climbing and generally having a great time. There will be enough structure when they start school or pre school. I remember collecting caterpillars, chasing butterflies, playing in the long grass. I know that there is an element of fear nowadays about letting the children have their freedom but surely running in and out of the house, chasing each other, laughing, shouting and having fun is what childhood should be about. Leave the paints and craft things out and they will graduate towards them for quieter play.

Whenim, much like me. The only difficulties I get into are when I can't contextualise the imaginative games and I am supposed to be a certain character who exists in the GC's imagination but not in mine and when the rôles change and I've been allowing my mind to wander.

I do insist on serious help when cooking though. A lad who can't cook or who doesn't like good food will be at a big disadvantage when seeking girlfriends / spouse.

I often feel like a sheepdog - I round them up when they're straying into something they shouldn't be doing, prompt them to try something a bit different when they're looking a bit lost or stuck for ideas, make myself a little bit scarce when they're looking for someone to take sides or argue, and pen them in the kitchen for food or baking if I want them to concentrate, learn or have some fun round the table.

They do like me to join in with them, though - easy to get down on the floor but not up again! They love sitting in the garden blowing bubbles and making daisy chains like we did at our grandparents' house. I only put structure in when I think they need it. Some people like structure they can depart from occasionally. I like structure I can resort to occasionally. There are a few house rules, but they are free and easy to play as they like within those boundaries.

Baking ^or ^making Cards

Not this grandma, leave that to their parents !

Sounds like a good balance of experiences - some wild time is necessary I think. Personally I liked to be structured but that was more for my own sanity. Children need to be able to work out their own coping mechanisms which can be difficult if they never meet any real social challenges.

In some ways having more than one GC to look after is an advantage as they learn to organise their own play and games together. I love it when I am summoned to see The Tinkerbell Show or The Pirate Show, with them in full costumes, lines and a (sort of),plot. The reverse side are the disputes that need arbitration, but that's how they learn to give and take and get on with others. I pretend to turn a blind eye to many little incidents and only intervene if it crosses a boundary I have in my head.

I do think adults need to step back and let children discover for themselves but there comes a time when some adult input can move things forward eg suggest a new way or use of a toy or piece of equipment, or a suggestion for a new activity is needed. It's as bad to micro-manage play as it is to completely leave them to their own devices. I'd say I manage play etc about 25% of the time and encourage free play for 75% but that can vary if I have a project in mind eg baking, or making cards or going on a visit.

We never do any particular structured activity with our G/C, we just let suggest what they would like to do.

We do however, insist on going to either the beach or park at some point for some fresh air and also to get rid of a bit of energy!

You certainly need a stash of activity to produce at the drop of a hat, with all the bits and pieces that go with each of them collected together so that it can be started without searching the house. You need an idea in your head of what you will be suggesting next, too, and be ready to drop it in just before the current ploy becomes too boring or the free play descends into mayhem.

There is a place for both, for directed play with an adult to hand to help and for just mooching around, doing whatever the child wants to and following distractions. Being creative in all kinds of spheres can be triggered by associating apparently random things or concepts together. We all know adults who are incapable of thinking "out of the box". Perhaps their early play was directed at every move and they never learnt to let their minds wander?

absent

I suspect that we are beginning to see the dawn of helicopter grandparents as well as parents - and I don't think it is necessarily in the interests of grandchildren.

I don't think that's exactly what Silverfish said she does though. Surely it's a good thing to have a balance between structured play and 'free play' (for want of a better expression).

Crikey Aka - I feel positively lazy now

I am intrigued by this idea of such organised activities for little children - how the heck do you get them to do it if they don't want to? - how do you deal with their flighty-mindedness? - do you strap them to a chair and say "You will do 15 minutes of crayoning - it's in the schedule"??!!

My children and GC flit happily from one idea and game to another as some new flight of fancy or desire to find something out takes hold - it is a joy!

Sounds good*Aka*, Northumberland is a place I"ve never been.

Enjoy!

One who hovers over children with organised activities, a schedule and supervised friendships and play dates throughout the entire day.

What on earth is a 'helicopter' parent or grandparent?