The dreaded retirement

Those who have put everything into their work and had nothing left for developing other interests are hit worst by retirement. They have to start again, as though in a new job where all is different and unfamiliar, with no routine to shape their day.

I would begin by trying everything that sparks an interest. Have more than one thing on the go at once, as different from each other as you can. You don't have to sign up to one thing for the next twenty years, just treat each new thing as a taster and be prepared to try it for a reasonable time and then ditch it if is not as enthralling as first appeared. If you lose enthusiasm and leave, it won't appear on your CV!

Thinking about my tongue in cheek post above, I wonder if any other stay at home wives notice little or no difference when they reach retirement age?

In my case, I think that things have turned up that have kept me busy as my home responsibilities have reduced but it is also not in my nature to do nothing and I gave always done lots of other things anyway. Life just goes on the same especially as DH is still working what is laughingly described as part-time.

I think the OP needs to find something to fill her time and then she will have an interest in everything possibly even her DH!

Sheena, look for your local U3A and see what they have on offer. Linda and I are normally out with the U3A several times a week, sometimes together, sometimes individually.

I honestly think that one way to boost your self esteem and make you feel better about yourself is to help others. There are so many worthy causes out there, from knitting blankets for charities, to volunteering at your local doctors or hospital, etc etc.... lots of choices. It's a matter of finding one that you are comfortable with.
I do sympathise with you, it's not easy to pick yourself up when you feel low. One of the best things I ever did was to join a keep-fit group. This led to some lovely friendships. I hope you find something which you like.

I'm with Grannyknot, when it arrives I'll work out what to do with it!

Sheena. You don't mention children. Do you have any?
The full lives that some of us have did not just materialise in retirement.
We have very good friends who we go with to live music venues. We socialise often in each other's houses. I have always been involved with boats and that opens up lots of opportunities. There are still friends who we met when we had a Motohome who are living around Europe who we visit.
We have just come back from France visiting friends who moved off their barge to live in France.
We are off to Spain in November to do some work on a friends boat.
These are not people who have just appeared in our retirement but have been part of our world for years and we make sure that we 'work' at these friendships. Oh, nearly forgot. We are driving to Bulgaria at the end of the month. These are friends who bought our house out there.

Oh no; alas we're in a time warp. Years ago I felt I was a failed mother by not being able to knit and looked everywhere, with no success for a granny to teach me.

I retired in July at 65, so I clicked on this link to see what I should be dreading .

Okay maybe my situation is different in that the bunch I worked for previously immediately offered me 2 days a week again working from home and I've agreed to do that till the end of March next year - however, I can hardly fit that in, because I joined an old all women's gym class (and bought some new appropriate "gym gear") so that's aquasizes, balance class, cardio blast, Pilates, kettleballl once a week to choose from and of course the gym proper; I've signed up for a study course with the University of Iowa (free, online); one day a week I get on a train for an hour to go and play with a baby (my new 2 month old grandson); joined a knitting group and as a result of the latter I've been invited to volunteer at the local Salvation Army "Share a Skill" afternoon once a month. So I'm still working out what retirement is, (I think I've said before) I feel more like a retread as in refurbished rather than "pensioned off"

As someone said. Buy a caravan, take it to Spain, leave it on a site ( it's not expensive and just hop on a cheap flight when you want.
Or, leave the van in France. Then you can drive there with the dogs.

I'm dreading retirement too, a few years to go yet but we also have a caravan and plan to use it more often when we retire, tied to work leave at the moment

Hello Sandymac - don't be apprehensive, just jump in! Some local Gransnet sites have added listings - bowls clubs will be listed under Clubs & Societies and then Games. (I have added two on our local site)

I have just logged in for the first time so a bit apprehensive. Sheena, have you tried joining a bowls club? It is a really good way of making new friends, getting fresh air and exercise. You could Google to find a local club and they would welcome you with open arms.

Tegan, it can be difficult when you have had the house to yourself.
I didn't fall into the trap of meals, coffee, tea at set times although I know people who did.
DH will give in and make tea and coffee, but very rarely does he cook!

Sheena get a touring caravan . It doesn't have to be anything spectacular or expensive but I can "guarantee" that you will both have the best fun together and meet lovely people. My DH and I have horrible "working weeks" we both have massively stressful jobs and I have huge family commitment, but when we can get away for a few days in our caravan it's like a whole new world. We never venture too far but it's amazing the people you meet and the whole new world that opens up for you.

Wondering if Sheena just finds it hard having someone around the house when she's used to having the space to herself. Am not being critical by saying this [in the same boat myself].

Some great advice on here and really good posts!

I wonder if your DH finds you 'set in your ways' as well but has never said? Now he is retired he could be tackling some household tasks - perhaps he could develop an interest in cooking as another poster suggested?

Like a couple of others, I belong to TWG, not only does our group hold monthly meetings with a speaker, they organise coffee mornings, walks, charity functions and outings to the theatre and day trips.

DH was so busy with his work (and worked away during the week) that he was not really part of the community where we live; I encouraged him to volunteer for various things and at one time he became so busy I hardly saw him after he retired. He is doing less now, but plenty to keep him interested.

One thing we did do together was join the National Trust, and have enjoyed some lovely visits. Having exhausted most of the places nearby we now think we might go away for a couple of days at a time and explore further afield. I think it is important to do something together even if you have your own interests to keep you busy - a shared interest will give you something to chat about, perhaps National Trust gardens you have visited. A thought for next year, as many places close for the winter months.

Do you have any female friends you could go out with? If not, then joining TWG, U3A, yoga or a craft or knitting group could help you to meet other women with similar interests. You could even become a 'lady who lunches' (occasionally!).

Type volunteering into the google search, so many opportunities, so much to do!

There are some who wish their DH would get out of the house more himself and give them some peace and quiet. It sounds as if you are seeing a way to turn things around - good luck!

Like others, I can recommend the U3A and there are branches all over the country. Today we had an open day in our branch and I was impressed by all the activities on offer - literally something for everyone, from cake icing to reading group and writing group; from play reading to art or photography. We have theatre visits and short walks (more amble than ramble!) and a dining club. And believe me, as well as extending our knowledge and skills, we do have fun in the process.

Sheena, you describe yourself as a 'homely domestic' so you have masses of skills to share, especially with a young Mum. Google 'Homestart volunteers' and see if you have a local organisation.I really recommend it.

Sheena, if you like being with children why not see if your local school can use you as a volunteer. Some children don't get to practice reading at home so by hearing them read you can make a huge difference to them & will have the pleasure of seeing them progress through the year.

Sheena you've already had lots of good advice - perhaps I could offer one more piece.
It might help if you found something that you and your DH could do together. Long walks may be out of the question for you, but perhaps he would come with you on local short tours of paces of interest?
Do you ever go out for meals together, just the two of you, and look forward to it as a special occasion? It might take away that 'stale' feeling you describe.
It's good to have separate interests of course, but I think in a long marriage you have to work at the 'togetherness' too, and try to see your other half through other people's eyes, or even as you saw him all those years ago.

Well...I had written a long post earlier today and went to post it and wallop..no internet. Subsequently I lost all I had written !!! BAH ! I just want to say thank you to everyone who has replied...I am truly humbled by the response, the time you people have taken to write and be helpful....I am very grateful. I have had a dreadful afternoon though as when out with my dogs one of them got bitten badly and she is now at the vet being sewn up poor poor lass. No fault of her own...I feel somewhat responsible though as she was off lead, and the other dog's owner did say that her dog would snap...but I don't think mine understood that and so pushed her nose in where it was not wanted. But that's by the by. I have contacted the co-ordinator for my local Age concern (I am already a befriender) and had a chat as to what else I could do, and so there are a few possibles there. The Townswmoens Guild sounds interesting too. Have tried the U3a etc. No I am not depressed, just rather low, and my self esteem needs a bit of a boost..just feeling sorry for myself, and a wee bit jealous I guess that hubby has lots to do and enjoys his groups and walks. No I won't go with him as just too far, I physically can't. A huge thank you....and let's hope this post gets posted !!! Best wishes to you all xxx

Lots of ideas here already and lovely posts full of good advice. When I moved house 10 years ago, I joined the local TG (Townswomens' Guild). Most people have heard of WI, but not so many know of TG. They have a website www.townswomen.org.uk where you can discover if you have a guild that meets near you. We do lots of other things as well as a monthly meeting with speaker. New ladies are always made welcome.
When I first retired I started yoga classes - in the morning! Very strange after years of evening classes. Yoga and pilates are both really good even if you have some health problems, as you work at your own level.
Hope you have a bus pass - why not try out different routes and discover new places - enjoy a nice cup of coffee (and cake?).
I agree that something new that works your brain might also be good. I love to read - you can get lost in a good story; think I would like to learn bridge, but not keen if it is too serious!
Go girl, and as another Gransnet member said in a post - make yourself the best you can be.
And do come on and tell us what you try out - we might want a go too!

And you are certainly not alone in the dh stakes - mine doesn't like talking about things, no discussions, and he falls asleep five minutes after sitting down - be it after lunch or in the evening. We are both busy, but not together! Different interests really.

Sheena, you are really having trouble seeing anything good about your life and to me that reminds me of a rather low depressive state I went through a few years ago. Have you had a chat with your doctor at all?
I was very low and worrying about everything after some very stressful events and my Doctor gave me a referral to a local mental health scheme. I was assessed in a very thorough way via a telephone interview with a mental health worker and then invited to attend some support sessions which helped.

Once you can start to see a little light at the end of the tunnel then you will be able to take up some of the excellent suggestions others have given.

All the best.