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Childcare now extended to dog care.l

(20 Posts)
Thistledoo Tue 30-Sep-14 10:38:30

I was just wondering if any other Gns have this problem. My DD works part time 20 hours a week, as it's shift work I have Childcare duties at odd times.
(Which I do gladly) Early shifts start at seven, which require Dgd being dropped off at 6 30, no problem. Late shifts finish at 9pm. No problem again as Dgd stays with us overnight. No problem again.
But a big problem has arisen.......... She has purchased a very large dog, German shorthaired pointer, as a puppy he was very sweet but we did say to her we would not be dog sitting. But, he is has grown into a very boisterous and undisciplined dog. She expects us to care for this dog while she is at work and it's causing a great deal of stress. I am unable to manage him on a walk and DH has to take him,which requires him to take time off work to do this. (He works from home). We have spoken to DD about this and told her to find alternative care ( which she can't afford) but her reply is that she will need to get rid of him. This is said in front of Dgd which results in floods of tears and pleading from this little six year old. DD tells us both she and Dgd would be heartbroken if they had to do this.
Catch 22 or blackmail. Not sure what to do, any suggestions please.

Purpledaffodil Tue 30-Sep-14 11:22:59

I think that is extremely unfair of your DD Thistledoo. It sounds as if you are already doing plenty to support her, presumably there is no SO for her to share the dog care with?
I think in your position I would use tough love and let her get rid of the dog. It is not a problem which will resolve itself as the dog is unlikely to become easier to manage. Frankly it was irresponsible of her to buy such an animal if money is short and perhaps she regrets it now and you will become the bad guy who made her re home it? Hard decision for you thoughflowers

harrigran Tue 30-Sep-14 11:29:54

I agree with Purple. The dog will probably have to go but you will be made to look like the bad guys because you refused to care for it, emotional blackmail of the worst kind.

ninathenana Tue 30-Sep-14 11:35:24

Oh dear, emotional blackmail indeed. You should not feel obliged to care for the dog.

She bought the poor dog, Personally I think it is up to her to explain to DGD why he has too go. Maybe along the lines of 'a bigger garden, he will be happier with more room to run etc.' Of course she will be upset, but children are resilient.

Thistledoo Tue 30-Sep-14 11:44:28

Thank you Purple and Harri for your replies. Yes DD is a single parent who struggles with money. Before she bought the dog we made it clear that we would not include the dog in the Childcare package, she bought a cage to put him in during the day when she was out, but this was an absolute disaster, he escaped and when on a rampage of destruction. We felt unable to stand by and know the poor dog was suffering distress so agreed to look after him until she could get a dog walker organised, this proved too expensive and just added to the separation anxiety for the animal.
We do feel trapped in this situation as you so rightly said we will always be the bad guys. Sigh!!!

whenim64 Tue 30-Sep-14 11:49:54

Presumably her shifts don't start early and end late all the time, as she has had the puppy before he turned into a big dog and I assume she took responsibility for him then? What about her training him and having a kennel in the back garden? Many pointers are used to living outside with shelter and can be trained to be obedient. Perhaps your DD could make that commitment, given it's her responsibility, not yours?

whenim64 Tue 30-Sep-14 11:52:39

Was the dog obtained from a dog shelter or from a breeder? Pointers are usually very expensive dogs and beyond the financial reach of many young people with money worries.

merlotgran Tue 30-Sep-14 12:05:40

Definitely emotional blackmail. Put your foot down!

Gracesgran Tue 30-Sep-14 12:07:50

I would love a little dog but I know I can't afford one so I don't have one. Your daughter cannot afford a dog if she cannot pay for care she cannot provide Thistledoo and I think you need a bit of tough love, telling her that you cannot help.

granjura Tue 30-Sep-14 12:09:10

So very unfair and a nasty form of emotional blackmail. Is there someone else in the family who can put your DD right on this one- if you feel you can't tackle the issue yourself. I really feel for you- what a horrible and unfair position to be put in- especially with all that you do already. Poor you.

Anya Tue 30-Sep-14 12:36:51

As a dog lover it makes me very cross when people buy dogs totally unsuited to their lifestyle and home. What on earth was your DD thinking getting such a large, potentially boisterous animal, when there are plenty of smaller, less demanding breeds about.

Your daughter has two options. Take it to doggy training classes and sort out this behaviour or rehome it.

This is NOT your problem Thistledoo

Charleygirl Tue 30-Sep-14 12:48:44

I totally agree with Anya this is pure and simple emotional blackmail. Your DD should have thought it through.

I would love a houseful of cats and dogs but it is not practical and I could not look after them properly financially with vets bills etc.

mollie65 Tue 30-Sep-14 13:10:49

I agree with Anya - it is so sad that someone gets a puppy without thinking through the implications when they become a 'big dog' (as well as the expense of vets and the rest)
dogs are a responsibility first and foremost - they need looking after and training in the way to behave and it sounds as if this is not happening if he is already destructive.
find a good dog rescue and do the best for the dog - children will get over the initial loss quite easily - they are more resilient than we give them credit.

grannyactivist Tue 30-Sep-14 13:56:58

Thistledoo it's hard isn't it? Of course you want to help out your daughter and because you're kind you don't want to see your grandchildren hurt or the dog suffering. But there do have to be limits and in the long run this is not your problem, so your daughter needs to take responsibility herself.
My daughter was going to buy a puppy a few years ago and had already put a £200 deposit on it when she told me. I was really blunt in telling her what a bad idea it was and told her forcefully that I would never look after it and that if she went ahead with the purchase I didn't even want her to talk about the dog in my presence. She lost her deposit and didn't get the dog, but has since expressed her gratefulness to me as she knows now she really could not have coped with a dog at that time. Your daughter has made a bad decision and needs to bear the consequences herself I'm afraid. I'm sending (((hugs))) to you though because it's not an easy situation.

Thistledoo Tue 30-Sep-14 16:37:48

Thank you all, I know I put this thread under the correct heading because I was feeling as though I was being unreasonable. It's comforting to know that most people share my feeling over this problem.
DH and I decided to make a few suggestions to her this evening. 1. She gets a kennel with a run built in her garden and leaves dog in it when she is working. Downside is that he will probably bark all day and annoy neighbours. 2. She organises someone other than ourselves to care for him all day as we do.
Will let you know tomorrow what the reaction to these options turn out to be.

Tegan Tue 30-Sep-14 16:53:10

Is there a GSHP rescue organisation that could help; knowing the breed inside out they could offer alternatives to rehoming and advice on how to make the dog more controlable. I'm not sure that they're dogs that have a very good recall so giving them the right amount of exercise could be a problem. Although, I do agree that it isn't really your problem and it's unfair that you've been put in this position.

Starling Tue 30-Sep-14 16:57:49

I love animals but/and I agree with everyone else. She shouldn't have taken on a dog that she can't cope with and she shouldn't expect you to cope with her dog especially when you stated that you wouldn't.

Tegan Tue 30-Sep-14 17:00:37

Looked up the breed and they are very people orientated, suffer from anxiety if left alone and are very dificult to enclose, being great escape artists. And need at least an hours exercise each day [preferable off lead]. When they get that they make wonderful companions and sound like quite adorable dogs. Oh dear; sounds like the worst choice possible for someone with your daughters lifestyle sad.

merlotgran Tue 30-Sep-14 17:35:06

A friend of mine had a German pointer with separation anxiety issues. A behaviour therapist recommended a routine where the dog wore a different collar every time they went out and then changed back to the normal collar when they returned. The dog associated the 'going out' collar with being left but knowing they would come back.

All well and good but it took a lot of time and patience to establish the routine starting with very short absences and then lengthening them.

There's no quick fix I'm afraid. Unless you DD can find a family to 'dog share', it would be better and kinder to have him rehomed.

Tegan Tue 30-Sep-14 18:00:53

It's very easy to get carried away with different breeds of dog. When I was smitten with Spanish Water dogs the other year it took my vet to tell me that they were still very much first generation as pets and were really still working dogs. I doubt if I would have bought one but I did fall head over heels in love with the one I saw. When I do sometimes think of 'switching breed' I have to remind myself that sometimes [well, a lot of the time] I just don't fancy walking a long way and a dog that is happy to sleep 23 hours out of 24 is mykindacanine.