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Please and Thank yous- past it? And if so does it matter?

(19 Posts)
trisher Sat 25-Oct-14 11:15:36

I always try to use please when I ask someone to do something and try to say thank you when someone does something for me. My DSs were brought up like this and my DS and DDIL are doing the same with their children. But watching TV I am shocked by how rarely anyone uses these words, particularly 'please'. I think little words like these just make life more civilised and pleasant, but maybe I am just old-fashioned and out of date.

whenim64 Sat 25-Oct-14 11:21:04

I don't know about TV, but in real life I'm hearing plenty of 'pleases' and 'thankyous', and the grandchildren learn to say these words as soon as they start trying to talk.

nannyfran Sat 25-Oct-14 11:23:43

I'm with you all the way, trisher and happy to be old fashioned if that's the case. It costs nothing to be polite and makes life more pleasant as you say.
I'm happy to say DS and DDIL are bringing up our GD to do just that. I wish more people would do the same.

Eloethan Sat 25-Oct-14 12:14:03

I think the majority of people are polite, People visiting the UK often remark on British people's amusing habit of saying sorry when someone bumps into them.

There will always be the few rude and inconsiderate people but, on the whole, I think British people are courteous.

Charleygirl Sat 25-Oct-14 12:19:55

I always thank somebody for eg holding a door open for me or giving up their seat on a tube or bus.

sunseeker Sat 25-Oct-14 14:47:26

A gentleman held a door open for me this morning, I smiled and said thank you and he said it was a refreshing change to be thanked!

Teetime Sat 25-Oct-14 14:55:09

Well I'm old fashioned too - Please and Thank you's are very important to me. When I was in America I was impressed by the manners of the people I worked with there (Nashville) one of the things they always said was 'You're welcome' whenever you thanked them for anything so I do that now too.
What I also found that they were always very interested in you as a person which I don't find so much. People seem to rabbit on endlessly about themselves when you politely enquire 'How are you? ' and rarely ask the question back- perhaps I mix with too many golfers who just want to take you through a shot by shot account of their latest round. I'm a good listener though and clever at disguising the odd yawn!! smile

merlotgran Sat 25-Oct-14 15:04:28

'You're welcome' is so much nicer than the ghastly 'No problem' which seems to crop up everywhere these days. 'Don't mention it' also seems to have gone out of fashion.

absentgrandma Sat 25-Oct-14 15:39:01

I really like the mon plaisir I get when I've thanked someone for their help.... cynics would say it's no more than a 'parrot phrase' but it makes life a little more pleasant...especially when it's said by a nice young man with a lovely smile. I'm easliy pleased.

nightowl Sat 25-Oct-14 15:40:10

I only realised that I said 'you're welcome' quite often when DGS began to say it back to me. It sounds particularly sweet coming from a then 3 year old.

Speaking of which, DGS was awarded the weekly 'gold star' at nursery 'because he is very polite and always says please and thank you'. That was a proud moment for all of us. I think manners are very important and I'm glad to day DD and SIL think the same.

Marmight Sat 25-Oct-14 17:35:19

I am very keen on pleases and thank yous and am infuriated when, for instance, allowing someone to pass, they don't acknowledge me. I usually say, very loudly, " you are welcome" which, in the past, has elicited a rather sheepish thank you. I also expect a thank you for a present. If I go to the trouble of choosing a present then I really would like some form of acknowledgement. It's mostly the younger generation who are guilty of this, so I tend to give up after the 2nd transgression!

feetlebaum Sat 25-Oct-14 18:34:35

I do that too, with as a variation 'Don't mention it...' I'm also a fan of 'You're welcome...' even if it is an Americanism!

Greenfinch Sat 25-Oct-14 21:47:57

I like the habit of thanking the bus driver when getting off a bus. Foreigners often find this quite quaint.

DeeWhyO Tue 28-Oct-14 20:38:36

All I know is I am completely thrilled when I get a handwritten thank you note. It has become so rare to receive one I feel like framing it! We were very sad this year, after giving a generous cheque to our nephew for his wedding present (in April) and still haven't received a thank you (even an email would have been better than nothing). We've brought our children up to send thank-you notes but, sadly, it does seem to be mostly the older generation to keep up the standards.

Agus Tue 28-Oct-14 23:41:54

When GD2 was around 4yrs old and thanked me for something I would occasionally reply, it's my pleasure. One day when I thanked her for something, her reply was, it's your pleasure. Sadly, we had to correct her when she thought this should be her reply to anyone who thanked her grin

I think basic good manners like please and thank you are very important but I am sadly realising not everyone thinks they are too.

thatbags Wed 29-Oct-14 06:53:29

There have always been rude people and there always will be but most people are polite. Thank you notes are lovely but in the age of other kinds of communication (telephones, text messaging, email) I think it's a tiny bit unrealistic to expect one from anyone under a certain age. That said, I make Minibags write thank you notes to her grandma even though said grandma cannot see well enough to read the notes, because I think that's what grandma wants.

Gotta run. Sun's coming up pink!

TriciaF Wed 29-Oct-14 17:19:57

DeeWhyO - I was going to write something like that. I was brought up to write thankyou letters for gifts at various times, and my children had to do the same .
But the grandchildren don't always respond and I'm disappointed.
It seems to be this attitude of "entitlement". I've now stopped sending a cheque to oldest grand-daughter as she never acknowledged them. The only way I know that she's received them is by looking on my bank account to see if it's been cashed.

hildajenniJ Wed 29-Oct-14 17:35:10

I also thank the bus driver Greenfinch. I was brought up to say please and thank you, and taught my children to do the same.
My DGD, who is 7 writes thank you notes after Christmas for herself and her younger brothers. It is polite, and I am glad that my DD is teaching her children, as I taught her.

overthehill Sat 08-Nov-14 19:42:29

My children were brought up to thank people for presents they received. My daughter enjoyed writing notes but my son wasn't so keen, so he would ring and thank them.

Unfortunately, their cousins didn't do the same. We used to send a card with money inside (probably not the best idea but very common then) as they lived a long way away and never heard a dickey bird.

My DH has a son in Oz and he always sent money and a letter across for him and his subsequent children and once again nothing. To his ex-wife's credit, when his son was a little lad, she made him write thank you letters, but once he operated under his own steam it all stopped.

Anyway the upshot of this was my DH had enough and decided if they couldn't bother to acknowledge his gifts then he couldn't bother to send anymore and hasn't done for quite a few years now.