to want to move near my grandchildren?

We moved a little over a year ago around 150miles to be close to our daughter, and grandchildren. This was a decision taken after a great deal of thought, and discussion but we concluded that it was the right thing, particularly as it would enable us to spend much more time with the children.

A couple of months after we arrived our daughter informed us that after 17 years she wanted a divorce due to marital abuse. We helped her and the children as best as we could. Helped her to find a new home.

A month later she informed us that she was seeing a man who she knew from school, years ago, and was moving out of the area to his local area, 80 miles away.

Not long after her move, I had a nasty fall breaking my leg, as well as some minor injuries. We had no support, and found it very difficult.

Whilst happy that our daughter is now happy, we do regret the move. We can't afford another move, have no support network, live in a very rural area with no access to any public transport, shops, etc.

Think very carefully. Would you want to move if your children moved away? Do you really want to develop a new network in a new area? How would you cope if your children weren't able to support you?

This thread is 8 years old the grandkids are probably in ThaiLand on a gap year by now 😂😂😂😂

biglouis

Its not just the upset of moving and the hassle of packing and unpacking. It costs so much money as well and you seem to get nothing for that! I would hate to have to move at my time of life. I would only do it if I won the lottery. Then I would pay someone to organize the entie thing for me so I could simply walk into my new home.

You can come out cash rich if you downsize....my mum moved at 81 ( shes 86 now)....after all costs , she had 75k equity in the bank ....so certainly wasn't out of pocket

What does your daughter think to you wanting to move closer to her! And how close would you like to live, it is a tough one, yes there is a lot to think about, moving costs , upheaval etc, I wonder what happened and did you make the move as I’ve just realised this is a very old thread, maybe lavender green will come back and let us know.

Maybe what it comes down to is if your DH is looking out for his well-being and interests or yours. I say do what is best for you because.life is short and he is lucky to have you in his life and should be looking out for your well being now and in future.

Did Lavender green persuade her DH to move?
This is a difficult situation. I often find a set of accounts helps persuade my OH .if it makes sense financially he will go for it.

Its not just the upset of moving and the hassle of packing and unpacking. It costs so much money as well and you seem to get nothing for that! I would hate to have to move at my time of life. I would only do it if I won the lottery. Then I would pay someone to organize the entie thing for me so I could simply walk into my new home.

somehow you have to enable your husband to think that the wanting to move is his decision. Sow the seed as cleverly as you can, even using the fact that if something happens to either of you, the one left would be near family. It is always good to be settled while there are two of you but he has to realise that for himself or he will not budge. Nagging him will only make him more entrenched. Sow the thought and then back away.

In the meantime quietly de-clutter every room

You should start a new thread this ones 8 years old!

Hi
I have been married for 35 years
We moved to the country 5 years ago .
I love the place BUT I miss my family who live in the midlands and now I want to discuss moving back - my husband has said that he won’t move and if I want to go then I go alone ..
I feel very hurt that he won’t consider moving .
I might add that when we do see family he doesn’t make an awful lot of effort to “ join in “ -do I stay with the man I married 35 years ago or leave ?

I agree with jinglebellsfrocks , to 'entice' rather than 'convince'

If he has some nice experiences in the area he could have a real change of heart when he sees and experiences the benefits for himself

Difficult when someone is stubborn but pray he sees it for himself! x

( Maybe gently lay all the facts on the table then leave him to make up his own mind which will hopefully be very soon! ) xx

This is a dilema I should imagine Grandparenta often have

I struggled with ''doing something for me'' or ''doing something for the family'' especially my GS

If we are happy they are happy and it exudes , our grown up children want us happy too even if they wish we lived closer by

300 miles is a long way away!

I grappled with just the area of LONDON to move to ( but it is just me to consider as have no OH ) as I could have moved VERY close to my DD and my GS who has special needs OR to my ''dream area'' which is further away... I had a dream where I was happy being near my GS but also woke up to the fact that I don't LIKE the area my DD lives in and she is MOVING HERSELF soon so it could have been counter productive anyway..

I chose to move to my dream area in the end , for myself , my heart , my peace and have my absolute dream cottage with a spare room for the Grandchildren and am SO happy here!!! :-)

My girls are happy that I am happy and being London with tons of public transport I am only a short train ride away from them anyway , so has worked out best for everyone even though I did GRAPPLE with it as there is a family crisis going on at the moment which MEANS it would have been SO helpful for me to live close to my DD but sacrificing happiness for something which could go pear shaped anyway isn't the best idea I reckon and you have to follow your heart in the end , do the move for the best of both of you and being near the Grandchildren is a BONUS then to your already happy lives!!! xx

Two sets of my friends have moved to Devon to be near their family and sadly it has not been a success.

The reasons they have given are:

The grand children grow up quickly and get involved in their own social lives so the grandparents are not needed as much

The other friend has gone from a vibrant town with good transport and medical care to a tiny village with just a small post office/shop with restricted opening hours. She calls her new home Outer Mongolia and bemoans how hard it is to get to hospital 25 miles away and there is no opportunity for decent shopping unless she travels a distance or simply popping out to a nice cafe to meet a friend is a past pleasure.

The one set of friends tried to move back to the Thames Valley but the prices have gone up too much since their departure.

The other friend has just resigned herself to staying put.

Sorry to be so negative but If you do decide to move make a list of things, places, services you need and make sure you get most of them.

My friends experiences have definitely made me question whether I would ever move far away.

How is he as regards change in general?

You need to work out or discover his real reason or reasons for not wanting to move.

They may end up to be silly or serious. Or a mixture of both.

It may be fear of the unknown.

thank you those who supported my thinking (apologies to OP - did not intend to sidetrack your thinking as you are in the mindset of moving 'nearer' your grandchildren and everyone's circs are differant)
having an OH to consider makes the decision even harder but if you lavender feel so strongly do try and persuade him as GC are little and adorable for such a small amount of time.
Me - I will probably go for it too - only have old 'lurch' (the dog) to consider

Even though he's dead I want to thump him.

janerowena What a sad story.

If finances allow, how about having a holiday home (small flat ) in the area you currently live and downsized house near your daughter? X

mollie you only have one life. You have to please yourself first. I have only just come to this realisation. When OH retires in 18 months time we are planning on selling up here, as neither of us have any friends, or like the place particularly. We chose this location as it was half way between our respective places of work, but neither of us like it here very much. We want to move nearer our family as they live in Scotland and intend to remain there as services are better for their children. I don't want to be too near, within 30 mins. to 1 hour travelling time would do me nicely. We intend to start the ball rolling by selling our house next summer.

I had a couple of elderly friends and neighbours living next door when we lived in Lincs, just outside Horncastle. He was a very keen gardener and where we all lived, they had once lived in my house when he was estate manager and he could see the fields that he had once farmed. However it was high and could be bleak in the winter, it was much warmer down in Horncastle and she wanted to move into the town to be closer to friends and family. She got quite depressed as she found it harder to do housework and gardening and her aging friends stopped driving, so visits stopped, apart from the odd visit from family. I popped in every day. He had a heart attack and ended up upside down in his compost heap, where I eventually found him one day. He still refused to move to a really nice little house with small garden in the village. The decline in her health and happiness was so fast it was quite scary. She had a bad fall and was immobile, he was better by then and ploughed on. I would go to see her and she wouldn't answer me when I spoke to her, but he was such a stubborn man - once I had to threaten to sit on him and force his medicine down his throat before he would take it.

She died. I swear she just gave up. Jim had his drivering license taken away after a couple of accidents due to his appalling eyesight and so finally he gave in and moved - and loved it. I could cheerfully have killed him. Poor Mary, she could have had a few happy years near her friends and nieces.

mollie I think you should do what you want to do and, as you say you are a pretty self-sufficient person, adapting to a new environment shouldn't be an insurmountable problem for you.

I was going to suggest what littleflo said. Why not rent for a few months? - although I think off-season would be better and cheaper. See how it feels to live there before taking the plunge.

OH could come at the weekends, and might - you never know! - decide to join you in your rented accommodation after a short while.

I can see he might not want to part with his garden; but can you look at properties on the net and find some with exciting gardens to tempt him?

Don't forget that selling and buying are slow old jobs these days.

Difficult decisions for you and mollie.

I think that, generally speaking, older men don't like all the upheaval of moving. But it sounds like a brilliant idea to me and I hope you can persuade him. I can completely understand how being nearer your grandaughter means so much to you. And anyway, sometimes a move is a good thing to shake us out of our rut. So, good luck, and I hope he will give in, sooner rather than later.

Oh, and look in estate agents windows whilst you are there. They usually like to do that anyway.

I think you need to get DH down there. Somewhere pretty. The sort of place you would like to live. Find a cosy holiday cottage with a wood burner and have a winter break. Don't go down to visit the family this time. Go on walks. Show him the little towns. Find a local pub with a good menu. Work on persuading him. (Let the family know what you are doing so they don't get miffed at your not visiting)

And pray for sunshine. That always helps.