Last week, I was buying 2 large bags of dog food at Tesco. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had – an elephant?
As I like to chat, I told her that I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I had lost 2 stone before I awakened in hospital with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to give it a try again. (everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the road to scratch my fleas and a bus hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.
Tesco won’t let me shop there anymore.