I am sure that I am not the only one who has problems with the issue of some grandparents demanding the presence of the children and grand children every year. I had it myself for a few years when I was a mum of two children. It was one of the reasons I dumped that husband. His family were full of what if it is their last Christmas!
Now I have two grown up children and 5 grandchildren. The two eldest grandchildren lived with their father's mother for years at the request (demand) of SW. Currently the eldest is in Emergency Foster Care due to violent outbursts. The half siblings of those children live with the parent and new partner who are their birth parents. For the last 7 years my entire family have heard nothing but his family. His family apparently take priority according to him. My child does not get how sidlined they are or how much danger they are in of losing their own relatives and identity. As the reason for the older two children being forced to live with the other grandmother I have to wonder if my elder child (adult) is again under the influence of a bullying and manipulative partner. It is a worry. I have tried to talk to my child about this but no matter what they are not getting the picture from any other view than that of the partner.
My other child has a partner who does not do Christmas. This is not religeous, it is because his family are so "different" that there was never a birthday party or family visits. This partner does not eat normal food. Just cheap banal food like chicken nuggets or sausages both from the cheapest ranges. This was their family way of life. This child has invited the father mentioned above as having the parents who constantly demanded/threatened to die to ensure that we spent Christmas with them more than 20 years ago. He is now playing the same game.
The first mentioned couple have children aged 5 and 2, the second couple have a child aged 5. The oldest two children are now living apart from each other and apart from me and my relatives. We have never seen them since 2008. I saw them once on Christmas day for a few minutes before they went to the other grandmother in 2004. The second family, the 5 and 2 years old I saw on Christmas day last year for the first time.
The single 5 year old I have never seen on Christmas, the grandfather who caused so much harm and never paid CSA has demanded his wishes are met. Just like his parents over 20 years ago.
I have bought all the children certain good items for Christmas this year. The reason being that I hope they will remember me. I am not spending my life competing with all comers for time with my grandchildren. I will walk away and give up trying to be in their lives. I have seen the damage done to one grandchild. I saw a picture of that child a few months ago and I felt scared. It was to be later that I found out about the violent conduct.
I think the children like me. They all seem happy to see me and there was recently a comment made when one child found out that I was a multiple gran and not just gran to that child. I dont think the children themselves would chose to lose me. It should not come to it. I feel that I should not have to fight. I will leave instructions for the children to be told the reasons for my absence, it is not from choice it is from a refusal to have to fight to see them and a refusal to be sidelined.
I took a stand against my mother in law and her family to ensure that my parents were involved at Christmas and I think my children should do likewise.
Am I unreasonable? Or worse acting like a spoilt brat!
Sugarpufffairy Sun 21-Dec-14 23:34:13
amarmai Thu 25-Dec-14 15:56:30
janerowena Thu 25-Dec-14 16:39:36
Sugarpufffairy Fri 26-Dec-14 02:43:59
FarNorth Fri 26-Dec-14 13:52:15
goldengirl Fri 26-Dec-14 15:07:34
Mishap Fri 26-Dec-14 18:18:32
kittylester Sat 27-Dec-14 08:19:04
Sugarpufffairy Mon 29-Dec-14 22:36:28