Gransnet forums


Choosing a child.

(24 Posts)
rubylady Wed 14-Jan-15 02:48:23

. . . to suggest that when children are born, a favourite one is chosen and the other/others are left with a Paddington sign for someone else to bring them up? Just a thought . . .

absent Wed 14-Jan-15 05:21:47

rubylady I'm not at all sure what you are saying here. I have only one child but I do have five – soon to be six – grandchildren. There are times when I like one of my grandchildren particularly and times, fortunately fairly infrequently, when I don't like one of them at all. (The same was true of my feelings about their mother.) However, I love all of them all the time and never have favourites. I have the impression that absentdaughter and her husband feel the same way – they never have favourites but just the normal ups and downs of rather rambunctious family life. Certainly there is no suggestion that one, or even more of them should be sidelined for me to raise. Is there a painful issue in your family?

Leticia Wed 14-Jan-15 07:33:26

I am not sure what you mean. Obviously life is not fair and children do not choose the family they get born into.
If you mean within the same family I don't see how you can have a favourite. I have unconditional love for my children and having a favourite would mean that it was conditional - they are more attractive, easier to get in with, have a special talent etc. I agree with absent.
However it does happen- some people have expectations of a child before they are even born.

ginny Wed 14-Jan-15 08:37:37

rubylady sounds like you may be having some sort of problem with one of your children. Either that or you are simply joking.

I have three DDs and although I am occasionally a little 'miffed' with one or the other I could never choose a favourite. I love them all equally and without condition.

ninathenana Wed 14-Jan-15 08:59:46

Yes very unreasonable in my opinion.

One of my grandsons is a lot easier to like than the other. It's not his fault as he has difficulties. However, I love them both dearly. I couldn't imagine choosing between them.

When DC were young I told them when they had been particularly trying that 'right now I don't particularly like you but I love you to the moon and back.' smile

Soutra Wed 14-Jan-15 09:00:30

YABU I do not know what has prompted this (maybe explain?) but I think the idea is tosh.

Agus Wed 14-Jan-15 09:02:03

I have two DDs, very different characters, by no means perfect but I love them both equally.

I can understand though when some parents who have an adult child constantly causing them grief, they may well reach a point when they say, enough is enough.

glammanana Wed 14-Jan-15 10:25:26

Ruby Just looking at the time you posted are you having a tough time with things ? It seems a very strange thing to ask really as I have always loved DCs & DGCs exactly the same a few lumps & bumps down the way but the love has never wavered between them.

FlicketyB Wed 14-Jan-15 15:36:49

My DM said that when I was little she used to sometimes look at me and think 'When she grows up I hope she has a daughter as difficult as she is.' then she would catch herself and think, 'I wouldn't wish her on herself'. I sometimes felt like that about one of my children

BUT throughout my childhood one of its glories despite the tussles DM and I had was my absolute implicit trust in my parents total, equal and committed love of all their children. I knew they would never let any of us down no matter how we behaved.

Equally despite the tussles I had with one of my children I loved them both equally and totally, and still do.

I hope Ruby is just having one of those total exasperation moments, which I think we have all had at times.

Elegran Wed 14-Jan-15 16:02:37

But you wouldn't know which one was the "keeper" until you had produced all of them - and by then it would completely traumatise the them to be put up for auction.

I found that I would prefer one child for a while, then another, depending which of them was being most obnoxious at the time. But even when one was stretching my patience to the limit, I don't think I could have given them up.

Are you feeling particularly fed-up with one of them at the moment, rubylady ?

Anya Wed 14-Jan-15 16:11:20

I'd've happily left both of mine with a placard round their necks saying 'Take one and get one free' when they were teenagers.

soontobe Wed 14-Jan-15 16:54:50

YABU. But I presume you are having a tough time with one of them.
All children can be exasperating at times.

One of my sons now says "mum, I now understand what you went through with me. I am hoping I dont have a child exactly like me or I am going to have problems!"

rubylady Wed 14-Jan-15 21:32:26

Sorry folks, it was meant to be a bit of fun, to be taken lightly. I'm sure some parents sometimes feel like walking away from a child who is playing up but this was just a way of saying that, not actually meant to give your child up!

Some of the threads on here at times can be quite heavy and I was just trying to inject a little tongue in cheek humour. Seems like it has fallen on it's face.

And due to illnesses I am often up during the night so the time had nothing to do with the post, thanks for the concern though.

rosequartz Wed 14-Jan-15 22:06:27

I have a little smile to myself sometimes when I see DD1 and DS 'getting their comeuppance' .

But I do think my DGC are wonderful - what does that carsticker say? 'I should have had them first!'

durhamjen Wed 14-Jan-15 22:24:28

Children do not have to be born. You are not forced to have more than one if you think you will only like one.

Soutra Wed 14-Jan-15 22:43:45

Oops! grin
I often used to threaten mine that next time somebody came to the door collecting for Barnardo's I would let them take their pick!grin

Deedaa Wed 14-Jan-15 22:54:08

When I was little my mother would tell me that if I was naughty the Rag and Bone Man (remember him?) would take me away. I used to think life would probably be more interesting with him!

janerowena Wed 14-Jan-15 23:15:26

I love mine equally but differently. Same with the GCs, but I love my DCs more than I love my GCs. However I would defend them all against all comers if necessary.

Ana Wed 14-Jan-15 23:24:14

Do you really love your children more than your grandchildren, janerowena? confused

Do you think you'll love your great-grandchildren just that bit less again?

I reaklly believe I love my DC and GC equally, although as others have said, sometimes we don't always like them!

rosequartz Wed 14-Jan-15 23:34:17

I adore my DGC because I can hand them back!!

Anne58 Thu 15-Jan-15 00:01:30

Hard to admit, but I think that I felt more for my late DS2 than I do for my DGC from DS1 sad

absent Thu 15-Jan-15 04:55:02

I still don't understand the OP.

Faye Thu 15-Jan-15 06:08:55

I am sure I love all my DGC more than my DC, I think it's because they are still young. Of course I love my DC, but they are not as vulnerable at this time in their lives. By the time you have DGC you know how precious and often fleeting life can be.

phoenix flowers

Leticia Thu 15-Jan-15 07:00:45

I still don't understand OP either.