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Firstly I must apologise for ‘gatecrashing’ the forums here. I am not a grandparent. I am however, a grandson, and so I have come here to relay my story in the hope that other people in similar situations might take some comfort, that even in the most unlikely cases, family ties can be made even years down the line.
I just wanted to say that recently I met up with my Grandmother after 26 years! We had not spoken since I was five years old and I had never been told why, one day, I had a grandmother, and the next, she was cut out of my life. I did gather over the years as I grew up (with four other siblings), that my mum’s childhood had been difficult. I knew that there had been tensions and disagreements, but nothing that (in my mind) could warrant being cut off from the rest of us for so long. I grew up unknowingly grieving for my Grandma, as if she had died – and was never able to get over it. I felt unable to ask my mum the whys, whats, and whens – and so in secret I grew up looking out for my gran in the street, hoping that I would not forget what she looked like and that I might see her in the streets in town (I never did, forget that is). My siblings and I would occasionally talk about it, but they seemed to be able to deal with this loss better than I – my two younger siblings were barely old enough to remember Gran, and the two older ones didn’t seem bothered. I’m sure they were, but like me, did not feel able to do anything about it. Fast forward twenty six years and I can still remember the last time I saw her, I can still remember her knocking at the door and not being allowed to answer, I can still remember the funny faces we would pull at each other in fits of giggles.
I had never thought it would be possible to find her again, until the beginning of this year, when I discovered that my Gran had remarried in the 90s. At the time I was compiling my family tree, so I was able to figure out her new surname based on some detective work and finding the marriage certificate! I just happened to randomly type her name into Facebook and – lo and behold, her picture appeared on my computer screen. I cannot tell you what I felt at that moment, but it was amazing. I finally plucked up the courage to send a message, and things have gone from there. We met up about a month later for a cup of tea and on the way to meet her I was an emotional wreck. I will treasure those moments for the rest of my life. When our eyes met each other we were both stunned. We were both in absolute shock that this was happening, and kept just staring at each other in disbelief –at the same time recognising each other as family in our smiles, laughs, and tears. There was so much to say, but so little needed to be said in that moment. We agreed not to talk about the past in terms of disagreements etc there and then, because (from my perspective) it was not relevant. There’s time for all of that. We’ve since met up a few times and established a regular email contact. We don’t live too far away from each other so that’s a relief!
Out of respect for my family’s privacy, I can’t go into huge details, but I have also considered my mum’s feelings and have told her all of the above. She was / is very understanding but I’m still not sure what will be of their relationship. I just felt it was important to share this with other people who may be in similar situations. Partly also because when I was searching for my Gran I couldn’t find anywhere online where there were other grandchildren looking for their grandparents! I’d be happy to talk about estrangement from a grandchild’s perspective if that would be useful to anyone, but at the same time fully understand that every situation is different. I just wanted to offer some hope, because I never gave up thinking that one day I would see my Gran again and now I’m 31!
Whether or not the thread is genuine, I'm sure what the original poster describes does happen and I'm glad for those who there can be a happy ending.
I hope people will also realise that this isn't something that always happens. My adult children are mostly old enough to remember their grandmother and they want nothing to do with her based on their own experience and memories.
Some people are asking why -apart from abuse - would you remove yourself from a loved parent?
There are absolutely loads of reasons. Including substance misuse, meeting a new partner, mental health issues, family breakdown. One in seven Grandparents are removed from their grandchildren''s lives without it being theirs or the children's choice.
It is an extraordinary wound for children to bear and is often done to punish or hurt adults. The term abuse is often banded around in these situations, and for those that are genuine, it's quite right for the decision to be taken (hopefully before the grandchildren are born) to remove a parent from your life. To remove a child from a Grandparents life after they've become close is traumatic for children and in my opinion should really only be done in extreme situations.
There are few support systems out there that will intervene with family breakdown for whatever reason, including abuse allegations. They will leave it up to the parent to decide as is the lawful position.
Sad as it is that op had this experience, extremely traumatic to have this bereavement as a child & not know what happened to his grandmother, it's wonderful that they've found each other again. I really hope that this time it works out for them.
Your story does give me hope. I'm estranged (some would say alienated) from my grandchildren whom I was previously very close to, we looked after them frequently, they even had rooms at our home. The eldest one is now 6 but I haven't seen them since she was 4. I hope that she remembers us & the love we shared & that one day they'll try to find us.
I'm really pleased that you have found your grandmother again. I remember also being very close to my granny & would've missed her had she been removed from my life without explanation.
Oh no, didn’t notice it was so old. Never mind I would have said the same 5 years ago!!
Ah, I realise how old this thread is now and OP likely didn't hang around.
I have actually experienced this from both sides, alienated from grandparents and family by my mum and estranging myself and my children later in life from her, thankfully with agreement from my older ones.
If my children ever as adults want a relationship with their nan then I would never try to stop them. I wouldn't lie or gloss over the truth if they asked me anything but I wouldn't go into detail and wouldn't try to prevent it. They would be grown adults and my responsibility to protect them and teach them resilience would have passed. If they wanted to find out if they could have a good relationship with her, that's their choice.
Maybe it would be a wonderful experience like the OP or maybe she would tell them a whole other version of events where she was amazing and not abusive at all and they would believe her... She can be very charming as most abusers when they feel like it
Quite hopeful I won't have to find out actually lol
Yes this thread is 5 years old. I distinctly remember when the OP started it back in July 2015 and am glad that it has been 'resurrected' by Gfplux.
It was I'm sure a great source of comfort and hope to many EGP's then and will be now, 5 years later.
I wonder how you're doing Grandson84. I don't suppose for one moment that you'll see that the thread you started is active again but it would be really lovely if you did, and came back to chat to us again.
This thread is five years old! 
We split from our families too, because we “ couldn’t do it anymore”. Our children saw the problems, so there was no misinterpretation. We did however, encourage them to visit their grandparents once they were old enough to do it alone. They didn’t want to. I wish you all the best, but would advise take it slowly at first, as the original problems may still be lurking.
Think = thing
What a wonderful think. Thank you for posting.
I too really hope it’s true and if so it’s a lovely ending and I hope you and your Nan can build on your relationship
Caroll23 that little boy and his ribena brought tears to my eyes
Very cruel to visit your problems onto your children
I hope it is true too. Sorry to OP for expressing doubt, but there have been several very genuine seeming posters recently who turned out to be frauds, and this makes us more cautious, which is a shame.
I too had tears in my eyes at this post. Even if not genuine, there must be a lot of grandchildren out there who have similar thoughts and memories.
How cruel it is to deprive your children of additional love and support and part of their history, just because you have fallen out with your parents. I am sure you feel your actions are well justified, but your child might not agree when he/she grows up. At least it gives hope to estranged people.
Well, I believe in happy endings and this is a lovely, uplifting thread. It would be nice to hear from the grandmother too.
Jane10 you echoed my thoughts; my son is a similar age to the OP, it doesn’t sit quite right with me.
I was heartened by this Grandson and his views. I want to bring this to the attention of Grandmothers who are currently estranged.
My grandson and I were very close. Especially as my DD was being drawn in by a demanding narc BF and her F (sperm donor) who was put out of our lives by me when she was still a babe in arms and this was backed up by a Court Order against him seeing my children. He re-appeared when the children were adults and wormed his way in as only a narc can.
This post is as current to many grandmothers today as it was when it was written. It is also important that we see the other side of the estrangement and its effects on the grandchildren.
MammaTJ you might like to show your friends the 'Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives' in the 'Relationships' thread too.
I have two friends who are estranged from their grandchildren. I will show them this thread.
Is anything worth breaking contact with your mother who lived you, apart from abuse? I would love to know.
years ago when I was looking after a friend's children for a few hours I offered them a drink of squash, milk or water on a hot day. The boy aged 9 said "Could I have Ribena please? My gran always gave us Ribena but we can't ever see her again." He had tears in his eyes at the time. I did know why their mum had fell out with her mother but the consequences for the children is so sad. Why stop the children seeing gps just because you don't get on with parents or ILs ? Its not their fight is it and their relationship with Gps is special.
Oh what good news.I do hope it works out for you all.
Hi everyone thanks so much for the lovely messages! Sorry I didn't post back sooner, but things have been hectic and I've only now got the chance to respond now that I am on holiday! I told my mum that I had gotten in touch with my gran, and she was actually very positive - she said that she had her reasons for breaking contact, that she just 'couldn't do it any more' - but that I am free to have a relationship with her blessing. Which is nice to know, as I had felt rather torn in terms of feeling loyal to my mum but also wanting the relationship with my gran that I have always longed for.
We are taking things slowly but have now met three times for lunch, and have so much in common. I'm not sure whether it will lead to a full scale family reunion (though I would love that), but you never know!
Thanks again for your messages of support :-)
True or not - What a wonderful story which gives hope to many out there who have been blessed with grandchildren and other family members who may be estranged at this moment in time. 
I hope that Grandso84 is genuine but if he isn't at least he/she has made us all think!
I have looked after all my DGCs almost since birth (though there have been threats) and can only imagine how I would feel to lose them. However I hope that the happy memories they may have, would stick until they became old enough to ask questions and seek answers.
Memories are wonderful and powerful thingsl
If indeed he actually was a he!
I expect that he came on as a one off.
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