Gransnet forums

AIBU

KatGransnet (GNHQ) Thu 13-Aug-15 15:22:36

Why do girls want to be princesses?

Yasmeen Ismail challenges gender stereotypes we often see in products marketed to children - what is deemed an acceptable way for girls to behave, and what girls should like to spend their time doing.

Yasmeen Ismail

Challenging gender stereotypes

Posted on: Thu 13-Aug-15 15:22:36

(127 comments )

Lead photo

'Boy colours' and 'girl colours' - do they really exist?

When I was little I had a secondhand BMX bike. I was happy that I knew how to ride it without stabilisers (my sister taught me), and I relished in my independence. The boy down the road teased me for riding a "Boy’s bike." I remember puzzling over what exactly made it for boys. I was riding it, surely that was okay?

True to form I knocked at the front door of his house and told on him. I told his mother that her son was being mean and called my bike a 'boy’s bike'. She conceded and told me that as punishment he wouldn’t get his Kinder Surprise "this week". I suddenly had more pressing injustices to worry about... "He gets a Kinder Surprise every week!"

When my sister was little she had short hair and glasses. She wore dungarees and she was teased for being 'like a boy'. She begged our mother to let her grow her hair long, but (for reasons unknown) she wasn’t allowed. She put up with the cruelty of the other children, but it was hard on her. She is a Computer Scientist and has four children herself now. She is a wonderful mother.

Her two eldest are my niece and nephew. My nephew seems to think the sky is the limit when it comes to imagining his future. He would like to be a scientist, an explorer or an engineer. It changes daily, and he knows that he can do anything.

Why are we telling them that they are different and that their reading material has to be segregated?


My niece would like to be a princess. I don't mind that she wants to be a princess. It sounds great; A castle, jewels, adoration, dresses, carriages and horses. I don't mind that she wants to wear pink, and I don't mind that she wants sparkles on everything. The worry that I have is that the only reason she wants to be a princess and in pink might be because that is the main option that is presented to her.

This might not be true, but when I walk around and see aspiring princesses everywhere, I start to wonder where it's all come from. If I look to the bookstores, I can't move for books 'for girls' and books 'for boys'. Why are we telling them that they are different and that their reading material has to be segregated?

And the funny thing is, is that many "boys" books proffer achievable careers in such things as construction, engineering, and medicine, whilst there is an overwhelming amount of books for girls very focused on being a princess. But being a princess, you can only be born or marry into that.

So what is the message? Marry well? And what does that say about my niece? She can focus on dressing, acting and looking a certain way in order to meet her future prince (because, believe me, she hasn't been born into royalty). It would seem to me that her quest started when she received her first princess book. I love my niece. I am fiercely protective of her, but I need books to help me give her more options; to tell her that she is young and that the world is her oyster, and that she can do anything she wants. I don't want her to limit herself. I don't want her to say, "I don't want to be an engineer because that's for boys."

I want her to be happy and I don't want her to feel that she can't do everything she wants to do. I have full confidence that she will be fine in the future. Her parents are wonderful and will care for her and help her to be strong and smart and ambitious. I have no doubt that she will be happy, but I can't say the same for every little girl. If she chooses to be a princess then so be it, as long as that's HER choice.

Yasmeen Ismail's picture book I’m a Girl is out now and available from Amazon. Post your thoughts on the thread to win one of 10 copies.

By Yasmeen Ismail

Twitter: @YasmeenMay

Elegran Tue 18-Aug-15 21:33:38

I don't think they are - they are not "clothes" as such. The fact that girls wear them everywhere, all day, doesn't seem to make them clothes.

Tegan Tue 18-Aug-15 21:21:50

Are these princess dresses flameproof? [I'm just a bit paranoid after that awful accident last Halloween]

Elrel Tue 18-Aug-15 10:35:04

My former pink princess is now 15, wears monochrome (shades of Adrian Mole's beloved Pandora as a teen!) and has hair of various colours. Although the bedroom she uses at my house is still papered with a 1D calendar she's now into far more obscure groups and Camden Market! C'est last vie!

kittylester Tue 18-Aug-15 09:42:41

I thought of this thread yesterday when DGD3 (aged 2.5 years and called Persie!) arrived yesterday in a voluminous pink princess dress (bought by me!) worn with bright pink crocs. She took them all off so she could practice 'dumping' down the two steps up to the lounge. grin

Falconbird Tue 18-Aug-15 08:21:07

We have a Disney Store where I live and it's an amazing place. I bought a Buzz Lightyear there but mostly I buy princess outfits etc., from Amazon. I bought a Princess Elsa dress which was beautiful. I have seen girls wearing Princess Elsa dress at Bowling Alleys and waiting for swimming classes. smile

soontobe Mon 17-Aug-15 07:44:51

Good point.

Having said that, I really like a Disney Store. I have to go several miles to find one.

NfkDumpling Mon 17-Aug-15 07:33:34

I blame Disney.

Falconbird Mon 17-Aug-15 06:40:30

I was looking after my grandson then aged about 5 and he showed me his sister's Cinderella dress in the wardrobe. He thought it was really beautiful and he said that his sister looked pretty wearing it and I found that touching. He is all boy and laughs at his sister's princess tendencies but he can appreciate pretty things and I thought that was lovely.

I was in a supermarket when I turned to see a little boy dressed as Super Man. I pretended to jump in surprise and said "my goodness it's Super Man." He smiled and said reassuringly "don't worry I'm not the real Superman."

Little boys do have prince qualities, it's just that there aren't any prince outfits for them to dress up in.

I was mad on Little Lord Fauntleroy which I was a little girl. He was all boy but had gentlemanly qualities and lots of gorgeous blonde curls.

Maggiemaybe Sun 16-Aug-15 22:22:27

I'm more Wicked Queen than Princess when it comes to defending my boys! grin

Maggiemaybe Sun 16-Aug-15 22:20:10

Obviously none of the 'girls are superior' crew on here have met my trio of oh so wonderful DGS, but even so shock shock shock and angry.

absent Sun 16-Aug-15 22:05:28

Coincidentally my three-year-old grandson chose Princess Smartypants Breaks the Rules! as one of his library books last week. It's quickly become a favourite with all the grandchildren, even the much older ones. Next time we go to the library we shall look for more Babette Cole stories. (Absentdaughter loved the original Princess Smartypants when she was little.)

FarNorth Sun 16-Aug-15 21:52:33

etheltbags1 you've just made the OP's point by saying you expect princesses to be "clean and pretty or delicately tomboyish in dungarees and trainers but with their hair in pretty bows."

Encouraging your DGD to think boys are 2nd class isn't very clever.

rosesarered Sun 16-Aug-15 21:10:30

Particularly if it was my DGS in the car, who tends to take his shoes off and fling them at my head, whilst I'm driving.

Ana Sun 16-Aug-15 21:05:28

I have to admit to feeling the same (family of mostly girls), but I do think it's odd that there aren't any car stickers for boys similar to the 'princess on board' ones.

It wouldn't have to be 'prince' of course - perhaps 'boy on board' would be enough warning to following drivers! grin

etheltbags1 Sun 16-Aug-15 20:50:52

ana they are all princesses and princes to their families especially doting grannies like me. I just don't care as much about boys as I do about girls, maybe if I had a grandson I would be different but as DGD is an only girl and DD was an only girl and I was an only girl and great gran was an only girl our family tends to lean towards girl favour.

rosesarered Sun 16-Aug-15 20:44:40

Come on Ana, grow your hair, it's never too late, let your inner Princess out!

Ana Sun 16-Aug-15 20:36:18

Falconbird, you've just taken me back nearly 60 years to when my granny used to let me make plaits out of her knitting wool to clip on to my very short hair with hairgrips! I always wanted long hair...

grandmac Sun 16-Aug-15 20:29:17

On a recent holiday my delightful granddaughter aged 2 and a half introduced herself to people saying "My name's Kiana. I'm a princess" We den't know how she knows what a princess is! And she is forever climbing and swinging on everything in a most un-princess like manner.

rosesarered Sun 16-Aug-15 20:28:56

Like the one in Downton Abbey, Falconbird?smile

Falconbird Sun 16-Aug-15 20:26:38

I used to pretend I was a princess way back in the 50s. There wasn't much in the way of clothes to dress up in so I used to fix a woolly yellow scarf around my dark brown hair with hair grips and pretend I had flaxen locks.

I grew up to be a Secretary, a dinner lady and a teacher but I guess inside I will always be a princess although now I am more of a Dowager Duchess smile

rosesarered Sun 16-Aug-15 20:19:14

Steady on Ethel, you don't want to turn into another Miss Haversham.

Ana Sun 16-Aug-15 20:15:50

ethel, you said in your previous post that you believe that 'they are all 'princesses' or 'princes' in our eyes.'

confused

rosesarered Sun 16-Aug-15 20:15:02

Mr Roses would probably like a 'king on board' for himself or possibly Emperor, not that it will be allowed.

rosesarered Sun 16-Aug-15 20:13:01

I'm with Granne72 on this.

etheltbags1 Sun 16-Aug-15 20:10:34

I happen to think that girls are superior so I dont care what little boys are called. We expect boys to be mucky and play rough games while our princesses are clean and pretty or delicately tomboyish in dungarees and trainers but with their hair in pretty bows.
I adore my little princess and encourage her to think that boys are second class, dont be offended anyone I just think that we girls of any age are superior.