Gransnet forums


To be fed up with it.

(17 Posts)
ninathenana Sat 05-Sep-15 13:30:10

My friend lives 40min drive away so although we text 3-4 times a week we don't meet up often. We usually meet halfway for coffee or lunch.
I'm so fed up of the fact she continually cancels our meetings. Even though she's the one who usually arranges them. We were going to meet for lunch Monday, but she texted this morning to cancel this is the third time in a month angry
She lives with DH and DD (27) DD has no partner or children, she has her own car but my friends excuse is 'something has come up with X that I can't get out of' Can't help wondering what.
It's not because she can't afford it, she would say, plus this was my treat for her birthday.
AIBU would you be fed up ?

sunseeker Sat 05-Sep-15 14:27:21

If it was happening all the time I would be fed up. Have you told her how you feel? Sometimes when I get depressed I feel like cancelling some arrangements but then make myself go - do you think she may be depressed and can't face going out? If it happens again I think I would try to find a way to bring it up without making her feel guilty, perhaps something along the lines that she has cancelled 3 times, is she feeling OK.

ninathenana Sat 05-Sep-15 15:27:39

sunseeker I would probably suggest the same if someone else posted this. She always has an excuse and is always moaning about her busy life and having to go here there and every where. Often to do with her DD, why ? she is always very apologetic.

vampirequeen Sat 05-Sep-15 16:03:22

I used 'busy busy busy' as an excuse when I didn't feel up to going out. Also is the daughter OK? Does she suffer from a condition your friend hasn't told you about?

ninathenana Sat 05-Sep-15 16:20:49

Her DD uses a crutch due to a knee problem but as I say she drives her own car.

vampirequeen Sat 05-Sep-15 16:23:18

Is she a close enough friend for you to be able to discuss it with her?

rosesarered Sat 05-Sep-15 16:33:58

I uses to know someone who constantly did this, even is she had been the one to suggest a date [ I think it was a control thing she had going on] I put some distance between us, as I have other friends who don't do this, and am glad that I did.Anyone can have to cancel for a good reason, but if someone does this on a regular basis then why bother with them.It seems to be their way of saying 'my life is more important than yours.'

ninathenana Sat 05-Sep-15 16:41:19

She always has what seems to be a valid excuse vq
I just wondered if others would feel as I do.

Luckygirl Sat 05-Sep-15 16:43:36

I think I might feel a bit miffed too. Maybe if it goes on, you could simply ask her if she would rather not meet up so often.

Lona Sat 05-Sep-15 16:49:15

You could suggest that final arrangements are made on the morning of the day, and then decide if you want to join in!
If you say "sorry I can't make it" a couple of times, she might understand how it feels.

ninathenana Sat 05-Sep-15 17:15:01

Luckygirl we only meet every two or three months. When I said this was the third time she'd cancelled in a month I meant it was the third time it had been rearranged. Every meet seems to get rearranged at least once.
Do you know what, I think I'm talking myself into telling her not to bother grin

soontobe Sat 05-Sep-15 19:04:15

Definitely ninathenana.

I am the same as rosesarered.
The person I knew would say "lets meet up sometime for lunch", but nothing was ever arranged.
In the end, I realised that it was just a thing she said to sound sociable.

I stopped meeting her, and effectively ditched her.

Your friend is perhaps doing the same thing, but taking it a stage further. Ditch her. Sadly, I dont think anything at all will happen.

thatbags Sat 05-Sep-15 19:12:10

I think Lona's idea is a good one.

Indinana Sat 05-Sep-15 19:39:03

I too agree with Lona. She will then not only know how it feels to be let down, but also perhaps realise that other people also have busy lives and things that take priority over her.

FarNorth Sat 05-Sep-15 19:50:50

How much do you really want to meet up with this friend? When you do meet, do you enjoy the conversation and her company?

If you do want to give it another go, I agree with Lona. Just say it's been disappointing having the arrangements cancelled so often and ask her to contact you when she's free, and you'll meet her if you can.

ninathenana Sat 05-Sep-15 20:38:11

That's the sad thing FarNorth we have been friends for 25yrs and can chat about anything and always have a laugh together.

etheltbags1 Sat 05-Sep-15 21:11:05

I have a friend who used to do this, I was left sitting in a restaurant for about 40 mins waiting, this was before mobiles. I rang her at home and she said that she was not good at getting organised in the morning. I stopped making arrangements.

Later she invited me to her house to celebrate her birthday and explained that she had depression. I found out that her condition made her want to do things but could not carry them out. At last minute she would just feel stressed and either not turn up or cancel at last minute.

Ironically she moved 300 miles away and when I was going through chemo, she rang every night for about 4 months, she now rings about 3 times a week she is kind and supportive. Im glad I didn't drop the friendship.