Texting birth announcements

I can fully understand someone being anxious for more news in the circumstances the OP describes. What I don't understand is the implied criticism of the son-in-law for not doing what the OP wanted and phoning her. That seems to me to be self-centred. He could have been exhausted and have gone home to sleep after the birth; that's what my husband did after the birth of Minibags. I don,t know if he even sent an email (which I had prepared earlier and which was ready to go to lots of people who would want to know the baby had arrived) to anyone before he slept or whether he sent it afterwards. The point is that positive news was given when and how it was best for the parents, which is what seems to have happened in the OP's case too.

I wouldn't think I had anything to complain about if I was in the position the OP was in. That is why my response was as it was.

This doesn't mean the grandparents shouldn't feel certain things; they will feel what they will feel. Of course they will, but they should just cope with their feelings and not complain or mentally 'blame' someone else for not doing what they wanted. That is my opinion and I'm not ashamed of it.

rocknanny while I am sure thatbags is perfectly capable of answering for herself, I found your suggestion
or should it be THATBAG
highly offensive and unworthy.

Fully understand this in a way. My granddaughters were born locally and before the widespread use of texts and messaging so was fully aware when my dil was in labour and received the phone calls from my eldest son in the middle of the night to say the babies had arrived. Roll forward 16 years to the birth of my grandson to my youngest son 2 years ago and the experience was completely the opposite. Granted he was born on the other side of the world so we only expected the news by messaging but I was told labour had begun at 6pm our time and spent the next 9 hours completely in the dark as to what was happening. I couldn't go to bed so sat up all night and began to worry as I knew she was having an epidural that perhaps something had gone wrong. Finally at 3 am my son sent a message to say baby had arrived at 1 am. I don't know what I expected but I was quite upset that it had taken so long to let me know. What I didn't know at the time was the problems she had had and how traumatic a time they'd both had not just for the birth but afterwards too so I'm sure letting me know what probably the last thing on my son's mind. Thankfully I hadn't said anything to anyone how I felt - I put the emotions down to being tired and emotional. Congratulations on your new arrival - enjoy

Ann

I learned of my grandson's birth by text, 12 hours later! He was born at 9.00pm and the text was sent at 9.00am the following day. That was hard, particularly as all my DIL's family had been on the scene enjoying cuddles and I was 250 miles away, all alone and not enjoying anything! There were no birth complications or any reason I know of for the delay. Still, time passes and things have improved since then. I was invited to visit for the weekend and join in with his third birthday party a couple of weeks ago so the birth announcement by text really doesn't matter any more. By the way, the birthday party was brilliant!

If only the problems I am currently facing and will continue to face for the rest of my life were as simple as getting a text I would be a very happy woman and Rockgranny I am far from being ignorant as many on here will agree.

Why have some people got to be so unpleasant when someone is sharing something which has upset them - she has not said anything to her daughter - she is just wanting a bit of support. I would also have been upset in that situation

Thank you for understanding posts - and also for the gentle nag to now put it behind me. I do know that I need to and that is actually why I posted in the first place - to find some closure.

I would hate my daughter to feel that at a most vulnerable moment I was being critical - it wasn't that - I just found it genuinely traumatic as I only had scant information and instead of being joyful at the news of the baby's arrival, I was in a state of great anxiety about her for several hours.

Yes, it is past. And if there is another birth in the future, I will ask if I could hear directly from SIL next time.

By the by don't live alone - I remarried a year ago, but my DH was rather bemused to be confronted with my weeping and fretting!

Now I really am going to try to let it go ... both mum and baby are doing really well and I know /I have a great deal to be thankful for.

Imperfect27, first of all congratulations on becoming a grandmother! I completely understand why you feel upset and felt the need to share this. I imagine you are a sensitive person, like myself, and I don't mean that in any kind of derogatory way, I promise ! What I would have said to you has already been said by janeainsworth (apart from her personal experience). I think that it is actually a blessing for you that you were spared the fear that you would have experienced had you been there. I was a second birthing partner for my DD (along with SIL) when my first GD was born (in 2013) and I am hoping I will be asked to be there for the arrival of my new GD this June (my birthday month ). My DD ended up having an emergency C-section and having sat with her and SIL through her labour, it was horrible to be ushered into a side room on my own while baby was brought into the world. I suddenly realised that I might lose my DD and I just sat and cried. Thankfully, it all turned out well. I think you have been very respectful towards your DD and SIL and I bet they would be mortified to think you were upset. I know it is hard (believe me!) but try not to think about it anymore and focus on the wonderful addition to your family . You're on a new learning curve now . Forgive me if that sounds patronising as that is not my intention .

The comments by Thatbags (perhaps should be THATBAG!) and annsixty should be ignored as all they show is ignorance .

It is hard playing the waiting grandparent game, especially as the text said there was complications. When my DD had her baby (had to be induced early as expected complications) we had a quick text saying all OK and SIL would ring within an hour. Two hours later I hadn't heard and sent him a text asking what was going on! I can see both sides here, as an anxious and worried mother you are thinking all sorts of things but your DD and SIL were probably so exhausted and caught up with all the drama that time just seems to have no meaning. Enjoy your new grandchild!

It is difficult and really no-one is to blame here - you received contact which was great whilst improper in you're eyes (and mine) but this generation won't see it this way and was not meant to hurt - think you need to rise above you're own hurt right now and enjoy new GC

I totally understand Imperfect. However much you rationalise the text - letting all grandparents know at the same time, the difficult circumstances surrounding it etc - as her mother you will have wanted to speak to your daughter. When my DiL had a baby 2 months ago, I waited ages for the phone call as it was a difficult birth and the parents just wanted to spend the early moments together before my son left to phone everyone. I would have quite liked a text just to let me know my GS had been born!

My daughter had her babies in America and I got a text first of all, which was fine from that distance, before having the phone call within an hour or two.

I get the impression you are close to your daughter Imperfect as she originally asked you to be a birthing partner and given the circumstances of the birth I feel it was reasonable for her to text, so please try and put it behind you and enjoy your new grandchild!

Imperfect27, I completely agree with you about the comment from Thatbags! What GrannyGalactica is so true. Of course you were hurt - so would I have been. Your worries, under your circumstances, were entirely understandable and if you live alone, you didn't have anyone to share them with. Let it go, I'm sure your daughter didn't mean to upset you, enjoy your new grandchild!

I received news of my last grandchild by text...weight and full name etc. Wasn't even to grandparent. Think it was sent to everyone. I was upset that I didn't get a phone call. I haven't said anything to them as yet... I so understand how you feel x

I think you need to put this issue behind you ASAP & get on with supporting your daughter & SIL & getting to know your gc. It may very well be that they were unable to use their phones to speak to you & a text was the only option in the circumstances in which they found themselves. As a mother I do understand that you were worried (I would have catastrophised!) & yes maybe they didn't think it through but please let it go.

I feel for you in this situation which to me does seem odd. If your DD had time to send quite a long text, then she had time to phone and you would think she would have wanted the personal contact with you no matter how brief.

The only thing I can think is that she didnt want to worry you in view of the 'complications'. Maybe she herself didnt have full information at the time, or was too traumatised by what had happened.

I remember when I gave birth my emotions were all over the place afterwards and I was not really myself - and they were normal births which went according to plan.

The fact that you had originally been asked to be second birthing partner says it all to me.

Agreed Imperfect27, there really was no need for such an inappropriate and uncalled for response.

Your SIL could have made contact. I agree with you. It was a bit distanced and formal. You must have been frantic with worry.

I expected a mixed response in opening this thread. There is a pertinent question here, quite aside from any emotional baggage I brought to the scenario, although that was significant given my history. Rightly or wrongly, I did feel surprised to find out by text and evidently the lack of personal contact - so much could have been shared that would have saved a lot of anxiety within a minute of conversation - did heighten concern.

thatbags you don't 'get over' the loss of a child and if you read my posts carefully you would see that it was from this source that my anxiety came.

There really is no need to be so rude and blunt.

I have every sympathy with you, Imperfect. I gather you live alone so you had plenty of time to run over the situation in your mind, including all the possible outcomes, and no distraction. The information you were given was bound to leave you anxious, particularly in view of your past experience, and you must have been imagining the worst. I quite agree that it would have been kinder to you if your SIL had taken a moment for a quick call to reassure you. I also know from my own experience that people who have never been in your situation cannot understand how difficult it can be. It sounds as though everyone is well now and your relationship with your DD and SIL is good so do try not to relive this episode in your head. That's easier said than done, I know, but you must let it go for the sake of your own health. Good luck. x

My DD planned a home birth for her last baby so I was surprised and a little worried to receive a phone call from her, from the hospital, especially when she said that the baby was in special care! She waited until everything was over and had proper news about DGS 3. Fortunately all was well and he was only in special care for one day. I am glad that I didn't get a text message from the hospital, and that they waited to tell everyone the news in person.
I can understand your mixed emotions about all this. As everyone is now fine, try to put it behind you and enjoy the baby.

Exactly.

Oh get over yourself! Your daughter is the person who's had the angst, not you.

I think younger folk use texting so much in preference to phone calls. They were probably drained emotionally and physically. I would try and put it behind you and enjoy your new grandchild.

Yes, they definitely went through the mill and as I have said, on balance, I am glad SIL stayed by her side. And they are both very, very thoughtful people. However, if I had waited longer for a phone call, I would have been none-the wiser whilst waiting. I think by texting they were also being very even-handed. I see all of that - I would still, on balance have preferred the wait and then heard in a personal way. I think my particular back-history made the sense of half information much worse, but given that we are a close family, I was just so surprised to find out the way I did. It did pass my mind that the announcement would not need much doctoring to then be put out to all close family and friends too. It just felt so impersonal.

I don't mean to be 'precious' about this. Perhaps others feel it would not matter how they heard.

On the plus side - we are making use of WhatsApp for sharing pictures and videos and I received a really lovely video of the baby yesterday. So the mobile is a balance of evils and pleasures!