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AIBU

Am I unreasonable?

(65 Posts)
mrsmopp Tue 26-Jul-16 08:13:49

We bought a little static caravan for our retirement and absolutely love our little bolt hole. We use it a lot. How do we handle requests from people we know, ex colleagues etc who ask if they can 'borrow' it? They say, 'ooh, can we be awfully cheeky and ask if we can have it next weekend?' If we said yes to everyone who asks we would never get to use it ourselves. One couple gave us a box of chocolates! But I feel really mean about refusing. There are relatives we haven't heard from in years suddenly getting in touch and asking for use of it. I don't want to get into the business of charging people as that's not why we bought it, but I do want to say please don't ask. If you want a week in a caravan then please hire one. Am I being unreasonable and how can I say no without upsetting anyone?

Jaycee5 Tue 26-Jul-16 12:26:38

I have been offered the use of a caravan but it wouldn't occur to me to ask to borrow one. Seems a bit cheeky. Like saying 'you'll be at the caravan this weekend can I borrow your house'. I just find it a strange request.

NotSpaghetti Tue 26-Jul-16 12:25:25

My parents had a caravan on a farm for many many years. They always let others use it when they weren't there. They said it kept it aired and loved, and built happy memories for others who wouldn't otherwise get away.
They were, however, generous to a fault (!)

When, decades later, they parted with the caravan, they did have numerous invites from their friends to visit or use their holiday places - and they did so - in their holiday homes, caravans and cottages.
I think kindness generally come back to you.
If no damage is done by letting others use it, why not be proud of your ability to spread a little joy.

David1968 Tue 26-Jul-16 12:06:39

Good for you, Mrs Mopp. I think everyone's come up with great responses. Just to say - my sister recently bought a static caravan in the area where my MiL lives in a care home. DH and I visit the area several times a year, and we pay for somewhere to stay, but we'd never, ever ask to stay there. We know that this is my sister's "dream retreat" and I know that were it ours, we'd want to keep it that way!

mrsmopp Tue 26-Jul-16 11:40:02

I am hugely reassured by all these replies, every one of them being supportive.
Many thanks, I don't feel so bad now. In fact I checked a caravan park nearby and discovered the charge is £700 for a week in August! No wonder I suddenly have all these so called 'friends'!!
I am going to turn into a two year old toddler, stamp my feet and say NO !!

MiniMouse Tue 26-Jul-16 11:36:34

Firstly, try not to let this become a 'situation' that takes the shine off your enjoyment of your caravan. People are so cheeky! Secondly, just say, "No, sorry, it's our home not a holiday let". If you start coming out with excuses (insurance etc) people will come up with all sorts of ways round them and back you into a corner!

NonnaAnnie Tue 26-Jul-16 11:34:58

TBH we would not even let family use our caravan, OCD perhaps?

chrissyh Tue 26-Jul-16 11:28:31

No, excepts close family. Our very best friends have just bought a static caravan and we wouldn't dream of asking to borrow it. We have just enjoyed an invited stay in it with them but that's as far as it goes.

Juggernaut Tue 26-Jul-16 11:28:09

Gononsuch
A 'curmudgeon' is a bad tempered, surly, difficult, cantankerous person, usually elderly, and usually male!

gettingonabit Tue 26-Jul-16 11:22:42

gonon I read "curmudgeonly" as "bloody awkward"grin.

Seriously; what an absolute cheekshock.

I'd lend as long as they're willing to pay the standard rate. Which is not cheap. Nor should it be. Some people, eh? Unbelievable.

Gononsuch Tue 26-Jul-16 11:15:27

curmugeonly attitude

Please, I've only got a comprehensive education, I just googled that expression and I'm still non the wiser.

Now show me how clever you are by translating.wink

Louizalass Tue 26-Jul-16 11:12:23

Your friends & relatives obviously don't feel bad or awkward about asking. So you shouldn't feel bad about saying No! Cheek of them!

I would never think of asking friends or family for a loan of their caravan or holiday home! You saved hard for the caravan for you to enjoy.

Suggest they do the same!

Lilyflower Tue 26-Jul-16 11:06:57

No, you are not being unreasonable. We have a cottage in Devon and it is on a water meter, costs a lot in council tax and the calor gas to heat it and to heat the water is eye watering expensive. If someone stayed there we'd be paying between £200 and £400 for their week's holiday depending on the season and how much heat they needed.

People are indeed very cheeky and have a curmugeonly attitude towards the possessions of others. We have heard horror stories of how properties lent to others have been treated and it almost always ends in such resentment between parties that the friendship is lost.

Having said don't lend your caravan, I would be very tactful about refusing to hand it over. Rather than a blunt, 'no', it would be better to hae some soft excuses. For example, it could always be 'being borrowed' for the dates your requesters want it. After a while a series of soft 'refusals' will get the message through. Another way to make it less than desirable is to ask for a series of favours done when the requester is there (cleaning, shopping , repairs etc.) Have a sheet printed out with a list of the 'useful numbers' the requesters will need while at the site but also add a tariff of prices for utilities/ cleaning (they can pay a cleaner or do it themselves)/ bills etc.

vallaza Tue 26-Jul-16 11:01:28

I would only lend it to anyone who had been there for me in times past. Anyone who crept from the woodwork suddenly would be told exactly why they could not borrow it. No loss there if they take the huff!

Funnygran Tue 26-Jul-16 10:59:34

I don't think you are unreasonable at all. I can't believe how thick skinned people must be to even ask. We had a small flat in London which was bought when DH worked down there for a couple of years. The family used it when it was empty and then extended family and then friends of extended family asked at which point we had to refuse as we felt we didn't really know who was in it. When we retired we got rid of it as it was becoming too much hassle!

Lillie Tue 26-Jul-16 10:47:10

We have an apartment in France. We say "yes" to people we like and "no sorry, it's booked out" to those we don't like - and that includes a selfish family member!
We ask for a small rent 50 euros to be left for the cleaning lady.

sluttygran Tue 26-Jul-16 10:46:12

Just say 'NO'.
As Maggieanne remarked, it's amazing how many friends you have when they want something from you. A friend if mine has a large transit van which he uses for his antiques business. Everyone he knows assumes that he will move house for them (including all the heavy lifting and shifting) and all he gets for it is "Thanks, mate - I owe you a pint!" Bliddy pint? Do they realise how much a professional removal company would cost?
Personally, if I had a nice little caravan I wouldn't lend it to anyone, unless I really wanted to. People have a way of messing up other folks' property without giving it a thought!

sunseeker Tue 26-Jul-16 10:44:55

You bought this as a bolt hole for yourselves, if people ask just say no you may be using it yourself. We used to have an apartment in Spain and although we often invited people to stay with us we never allowed anyone to use it if we weren't there. We liked being able to decide to go on the spur of the moment - you can't do that if someone else is using it.

Neversaydie Tue 26-Jul-16 10:38:00

We stayed one year with friends in their (inherited)property abroad. Huge place. Large house party (over New Year). We contributed to food etc and took turns with cooking ,cleaned up .
The following year they offered it to us and two other couples for the same period .No mention was made of paying rent .We would of course have contributed to utilities .We were a bit nonplussed to be asked for a sizeable 'rent'This couple was loaded then (and 35 years later are even more so),though I suppose it's not strictly relevant
I would have minded less if I hadn't found a dirty nappy under our bed (it was some months since they'd used the place themselves )and it wasnt especially clean either
Very awkward We are still friends though

Jalima Tue 26-Jul-16 10:32:43

If it's on a site and other caravans are let out on the site you could direct them to their website and then say kindly that you would give them a 10% discount on the normal charge.

At about £500+ per week (or whatever it is) that may put them off.
Otherwise just say 'No, sorry'.

Maggieanne Tue 26-Jul-16 10:31:51

NO, NO, NO! Would you let people move into your house because it's nicer than theirs, absolutely not. It's funny how many "friends" you have when you have something they want, but they don't realise that you probably worked bloomin' hard to pay for it. We suddenly found we had lots of friends when my fil bought a van, we helped move friends with it, oh thanks they said, we'll buy you a meal! Funny how he'd forgotten he'd said that when we mentioned it to them.

Humbertbear Tue 26-Jul-16 10:24:21

Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying 'no'.

Grannyknot Tue 26-Jul-16 10:24:17

I disagree with the suggestions to tell porkies about insurance. People can tell when you're lying. Just say "Sorry, we don't lend it out". Or tell the truth "Sorry, it doesn't work for us to lend it out". If you don't usually have much to do with these people, it's no skin off your nose.

millymouge Tue 26-Jul-16 10:12:07

I think you are just going to have to be a bit hard and say very firmly "sorry but I'm afraid not" and stick to that, and change the subject. Once you say yes you will be continually asked. People may think you are a bit mean but that is up to them. I personally would not want people using what is basically an extension of my home just when they felt like it. If you stick to refusing the message should get around and they will stop asking.

oldgoose Tue 26-Jul-16 10:08:07

Just be polite and refuse. It's your second home ! It's like asking someone if they can live in your house for a week.

Nonnie Tue 26-Jul-16 10:00:55

I think it might be easier to just say "sorry, no" rather than give a reason why. If you give a reason some may think you are being unreasonable, others may try to talk you round. It is much harder to challenge a simple "No" as I have found when sales people try to talk me into something. Don't give them anything to discuss.

Don't feel bad about it. These people haven't asked to come to your home, they just want to use you because you have something they don't.