To refuse to spend almost £90 on a backpack?

Offer her a contribution. If she likes it that much she can pay the balance maybe from other Christmas present money. Or ask her for an alternative suggestion up to your price limit. She is old enough to understand.

£90 - jeepers H creepers!

How much do you usually spend?

Not that much, that's for sure luckygirl! She did reluctantly find one from JL but then moaned to her dad that she really wanted the first one. I have told DS that I will send her money, and as you say chelseagirl if she really wants it she can save for it.

Sounds like a good plan NonnaW maybe she'll appreciate it more.

Somehow I doubt it tanith she'll probably just think I'm being mean

Talk to her. Tell her you don't want to spend that much and explain about the taxes, customs, postage, etc. She probably doesn't realise there's all that involved.

It also depends what it's for. If it's for school then, yes, it's too expensive and silly to order from the US. If it's for mountaineering, bought in the UK for fifty quid doesn't sound so bad. There are good and bad kinds of rucksacks. Best go to a proper outdoor activities shop and get advice.

Good luck.

14 year olds are very conscious of labels. There's no point buying her a cheaper model if she isn't going to use it. I agree, give her a contribution and she can go about ordering it herself.

Yes that's what my daughter did if her teenagers wanted designer stuff. Gave them the money for a basic item and they made up the rest. They soon discovered which items were must haves and which were not.

I have just received a text on my mobile saying "Can I have money on my account"
I texted back, "Depends who you are. You don't give a name and I don't recognise your number"
Reply "Wrong person"

Was I a grumpy old woman to then text that I hoped the right person would get a please?

No, you were a mother who brought up her kids properly.

No, Elegran - perhaps you might want to block that number though, just in case of repercussions?

I agree with thatbags What exactly is she intending to do with this backpack? Is it for serious trekking or a fashion statement?

If she wants it then she can save for it. Children and teenagers have to learn that money doesn't grow on trees and that sometimes the answer to a request has to be 'No'.

A big fat NO.If you usually pay out £50 for her present, then send a cheque.She can then decide if all the postage and packing charges are worth it ( her money.)

I think a 14 year old is quite old enough to have the financial facts of life explained to her and to be told that Granny doesn't have limitless funds and requests for presents have to be realistic (and polite and gratefully received!)

I hope her parents support your view.