my 93 yr old mother insists on driving !

A few years ago, driving round a roundabout, I was hit by car driven by an elderly man whose response time could be counted in minutes. It was not a large roundabout and had excellent visibility and I was doing about 20 miles an hour and he less than 10, yet he drove over 100 yards with a clear view of me, failed to break, and drove into the side of my car.

Not only that when he filled in his insurance claim, he clearly had no idea where I had come from and described the accident completely incorrectly.

No matter how low his speed, he could not have responded quickly if a child had run into the road, and a child run over by a car going slowly ends up just as dead as one run over at speed.

I completely agree with Christinefrance, I don't think you have any alternative but to stop her driving if she is as bad as you say. I accept it won't be easy but if anything should happen - particularly if someone is seriously injured - then you would never forgive yourself.

Sorry but I think there is very little option here, tough love is needed and you should call time on your mother driving.

l worked with a lady whose 93 year old mother in law still insisted on driving. She told us the tale of how her MIL had phoned her and said she'd driven down to the town (she lived in a tiny village)and felt something wasn't right, but she couldn't exactly say what.
lt transpired that the drivers seat was fully reclined. To my way of thinking, if you can't realise that, you shouldn't be driving. (And l speak as someone who worked for the police for 28 years.) I think we were all just grateful she'd got there and back in one piece without harming herself or anyone else.

You are not being ageist, tt, just careful in the circumstances. I expect DVLA will want an optician's assessment after a diagnosis of MD and driving licences of people over 70 have to be renewed every three years anyway.

Checking with DVLA, as misadventure suggests, sounds like a good idea.

Could you contact the dvla for advice?
It all seems a bit lax; my friends father in law has only just stopped driving, and he is extremely shaky with Parkinson's.

thankyou for your helpful comments. the problem is that my brother knows she is unfit and my sister wont rock the boat. But then neither of them have driven with her for years, and I have and that was enough. It was her inflexible determination that no one would drive her car except her, as if I was quite mad to think there was any reason at all that I should drive that set me thinking. So for the moment I have cancelled the visit and will go when I have my. own transport. is it interfering with an independant old woman, or is it spineless of me to do nothing?
How long do vry old drivers keep going, especially with macular degeneration, and how are they certified to drive by their doctors.?

I would never forgive myself if by our collective lack of courage to confront this, that someone got maimed or worse.

Or is this ageist?

Do you think your mother has not told DVLA about her MD, topsyturvy? It could be that she has but the MD has not got to a stage yet where it would be supposed to be affecting her driving vision. Would it be possible for you to check this?

My mother has MD and glaucoma and is now registered blind but she was legally able to drive for a while after MD was diagnosed.

Well if it was a parent of mine who was 93 and they had vision problems I would speak to her doctor.and as others have said check insuance
If that doesn't help then I would report to DVLA.
Sounds harsh I know but not as harsh a being responsible for the possible injury or even death of another person
You DM would only have to live with knowledge for a few years.
At 65 yrs you have several years of thinking I should have tried to have stopped her from driving.
Sorry in advance for causing any upset.

Topsyturvy: I've read your thread and the many helpful responses so don't have much to add except to suggest that you try to involve your siblings and your mother's GP in convincing her to give up driving.

I note your comments about 'bumps' on her car; what if a future 'bump' involves a baby in a buggy, cyclist, walker etc? It doesn't bear thinking about.

I took the decision to give up driving when my car needed replacing not long after my 70th birthday. Although I miss it a great deal, I don't miss the high costs involved in running a car on a limited income.

I wish you all the best with this difficult problem.

One of the deepest unsolved mysteries in my family history is how my mother ever managed to pass her driving test.

Nobody would get in the car with her and she finally listened to our threats pleas and gave up when she was in her fifties. It was hard on me because she then expected me to take her everywhere she needed to go but anything was better than the worry of knowing she was out there causing fear and chaos.

There's an old joke that the elderly person who boasts they've never had an accident is one of those drivers who never looks in the rear view mirror. If they did they'd see all the mayhem they've caused in their wake!

Seriously though. You really should stop your mother driving. With MD she's a disaster waiting to happen.

When my aunt started mounting her car on the pavement when driving round corners the family decided she was unfit to drive and took the car keys. At 89 she was still mobile and fairly active but had poor sense of judgement and spacial awareness. I think the time has come for your mum to be told it is no longer safe for her to drive. Tough conversation ahead.

thankyou Franjess. I think she has the dry degeneration, But she is 93, frail in body but not in mind and has very limited mobility in her neck and shoulder, so shouldnt her doctor have advised her?
She goes to a clinic in Tiverton for eye injections, and no one has, as far as I know, suggested she stop driving.
She is totally non suggestible to adivce and sees it as interfering criticism. She is admirably independant but VERY tricky. My 2 siblings are very good to her and visit frequently but dare not say anything. I live 300 miles away and have offered to come to visit when she has her next appointment,and drive her there, but she refuses each time and I know she is suspicious of my motives.

I am beginnning to think that we have a moral responsibility to other road users to do something, but what? She would go bananas if she found out we had done something behind her back. What can we do? And admittedly she hasnt actually had an accident other than bumps to the car, which I am guilty of too!
Thankyou for your concern.

Has your Mother still got a valid licence topsyturvy? If it has not been renewed after she was 70 then inform the DVLA. Apart from concerns about your mother's safety you need to consider the other road users. I think in this instance you have to risk her wrath, don't let her drive with you as a passenger and considering the slip road incident probably time she gave up altogether.

You are being reasonable. Don't ride with her.

I work in a hospital eye clinic. Does your mother have regular check ups / treatment for her macular degeneration. If so could you go with her to the next appointment? That way you could see whether her consultant thinks it's safe for her to drive.

You could speak to the local macular society group to see if they have any suggestions on driving

At the risk of incurring someone's wrath and, as a relative newbie on Gransnet, can I say what a pity it is that quite a few posts lately seem to descend into arguing about attitudes, comments, meanings etc..., rather than confining themselves to advising the OPer. Sort of puts me off posting - except in this case, obviously.

Good have a good day

Yes ma'am.

Intimidate!!

bags you intimated that if you drive at 70 mph you are constantly getting in someone's way. I simple said don't let people intimate you. So before going off in a huff, stop and consider what someone is trying to say, and before you reply in an aggressive way try asking what the poster meant. Then the wheels will be better oiled and we wouldn't get into this silliness.

To deal with your immediate problem, could you hire a car for your visit, so that you can do the driving?

I know its sad for folk to accept, but they shouldn't be on the road if their driving is so erratic.
Its an awful risk to so many people.

You have my sympathies tt-my fil is 90 this year and still insists on driving. He collects us from the station when we go down to visit despite us saying it's no problem to get a taxi. I sit in the back trying not to squeal out loud as his decision making at junctions is erratic to say the least. I'm sure I must have left gouge marks in the upholstery. It really is a problem as he is, like your mother, determined to keep driving and won't listen to anyone. Wish I could offer helpful suggestions but we're in the same boat!

How is telling me not to speed trying to help what the OP is about, ww? Seriously. And how is objecting to what you implied about my driving aggressive? In my view your posts are the aggressive ones.