Mother's Day

[quote]that you and your husband would rather do something on your own than keep on holding separate events for the two halves of your warring family[/quote]

Elegran, could be dangerous. If both sons took offence at this, they could be doing things on their own a lot more than they wanted to!

My sister and I don't get along and the only way to avoid her bullying and criticism is to have nothing to do with her.
My cousin last year said that she was going to have a party and would I want to go if my sister did. I said no and she asked me to stay with them the week before. She ended up going to Australia to visit relatives there and having a dinner with a few people before she went.
I am probably the age of your sons and I don't care if my parents are upset that we don't get on. They should have stopped her criticism when she started doing it as a child. She is only behaving the way her father did.
Why should your sons spend time with each other when they don't want to? You are making it about you. How hard is it to see people separately? Do you not enjoy their company unless it is a big family group? I think you should respect their choice. They didn't choose to be brothers. They have now chosen not to be friends.

I would make the announcement that for your husbands birthday you will be booking a table at your favourite restaurant as 'the' celebration and need numbers, if they cannot see it's about your husband and not them then they are still being the little boys their actions are telling you. As regard to Mother's day - do your own thing.

Dear Olympia, you sound so very unhappy. We are worth more. I have two sons also, they don't war and we do get together but there is always an unease. Its just not as you would wish, so even if they did agree to get together for your sake what would the atmosphere be like? It is your time, you have been so patient and so accommodating - I must admit I don't and wouldn't do the double celebration bit - unless THEY are hosting! I agree with others that it is appropriate to coolly and calmly speak out and say what you really feel but if they wish to carry on their feud there is little you can do. We cannot control our children's or our in-laws behaviour ..and as much as we think we know our children- especially boys...we really don't. Enjoy your life with your husband as much as you can- it really is time to think of yourselves and what else you can do together that will make you happy. Best Wishes

I agree tell them how you feel and love the bit about the funeral. Have you thought that they both think you support their behavior as you have never said anything and hold these separate celebrations. So they both think you think they are in the right. Also by continueing to hold separate celebrations you an enabling them not to face up to the situation. As now you are going to do your own thing, you have nothing to loose by telling them how you feel.

Write to them both with what you've said. Seems fair. Silly to have two events each time. Go away and have fun

Yes you have done enough to accomodate your family over the years, time for you enjoy things your way.
Don't feel guilty about it, explain to your sons how you feel and enjoy yourselves.

I agree that Mother's Day should the day on which people do things that make you happy and not what makes them happy.

I agree with MOMB tell them that this would be the best mother's day present they can give you. Even if they can just be civil and respectful of each other. If not you and DH should do your own thing. I hope the situation improves for you Olympia.

I like that, MOMB - tell them you don't want two funerals, and they can start practicing getting along while you are still alive!

You could even break silence and tell them so - that you and your husband would rather do something on your own than keep on holding separate events for the two halves of your warring family, that you have gone along with them up until now but you think it is time they acted like adults and made it up with each other so that you can entertain a united family from now on.

Men can be stubborn!Could you say that what you would like most for a mothers' day present is for the two of them to put their disagreement to one side and make up? Let them know that it is the biggest unhappiness in yours and your DH's life and you would give anything for it to be repaired. Ask them what will happen for your funeral if they don't sort it as you don't want two services!! Good luck! I have sons. I know what they can be like!x

I would say do what you and your DH want to, and stop running yourself ragged doing 2 lots of "celebrations" (not to mention the expense) to pander to their childish behaviour!

You've done your bit, it's now your turn to suit yourselves, sod the lot of them if they can't see that!