To support Daughter Not Taking 2 year old Twins Camping

We camped with children aged 5, 3, and one. It wasn't even a modern tent, and there were just the two adults. The baby slept in a carry-cot (his feet and head brushing the ends) It was quite possible, and enjoyable, but we did need to be alert to where they all were, particularly when meals were being cooked. Two lively two-year-old twins can be a handful, and more adults are not necessarily an advantage - they could all be busy chatting when the children get into mischief.

It is a shame for them to miss ALL the fun, though. Perhaps they and their parents could visit the rest of the family at the campsite for a day, if it is near enough? That would give them some experience of "camping" until they are old enough to do it for real.

Two year olds are at an age when everything is an adventure and they are fast on their feet but have no idea of danger. I have not yet a man who can stay focused on the needs of a 2 year old. My husband was about right when they were 8 years old and he could take them sailing in jackets whilst I made the picnic lunch.

could the group go to Center Parcs or some where like that for this year whilst the children are so young?

It's possible to take travel cots on a camping holiday - in fact absolutely essential I would have thought, both for sleeping and as a playpen.

Faye we have declined to go camping 'out bush' even though we were assured we would love it; however, many campsites have rooms too with ensuite facilities so family can do their own thing whilst the older ones can have a bit more luxury if desired. However, those new-style campervans are very luxurious.

I'm another one who doesn't really like camping, so I sympathise with Grammy6's daughter.
We used to camp regularly with our 4, and I went along with it . Enjoyed some parts of it. But was pleased when we graduated to Youth Hostels.
Our children loved it, and husband.

It's all very well saying that other people could look after the twins, at least for part of the time, but maybe the OP's dd knows that those others would be 'relaxed' about keeping an eye on them.
I'm sure we've all known such people. Little ones that age need watching all the time, and I can imagine that being exhausting in an open environment with very likely plenty of hazards nearby. Let alone sleeping arrangements without travel cots etc.
My dd has one of nearly 2 and one of 10 months and I am well aware that a traditional camping holiday would be no holiday at all for her - and she is a very relaxed, non fussy type.

I don't understand why some posters think the father not capable of looking after his children in this situation. Surely the caring role is not entirely down to mothers.

It should be made clear whether
a) she doesn't like camping
b) she doesn't want the hassle of camping with the children
c) she doesn't want to go on holiday with the in laws
or d) any combination of the above
As we're all just guessing here.

I wouldn't let any of mine go camping at that age away from me either.

The OP sounded to me that her DD wasn't getting enough help with her two year old twins, so preferred not to go. Is that the case Grammy6? I wouldn't go camping with two lively two year olds but then I don't like camping much either. DD asked me if I wanted to go this Easter with them, camping in the bush in Australia in autumn means cold nights, a hole in the ground toilet and no showers. I said no thanks!

Did she like camping prior to having the children?

I love camping but it's not the same as a 5 star hotel all inclusive. There is a lot of work involved.

As others have said, no way would I let my two year olds holiday without me!
The mother has decided she doesn't want to take them camping this year, so other family members should accept her decision, and just get over it, including her husband!

I would rather be camping with the twins than 'relaxing' without them!

We all have different comfort zones, and there are times to venture outside them, with support, and times to retreat into them.

FarNorth I believe that the twins dad and gps would be watching them, no?

I am amazed at those who think the mum could stay at home while others take the twins camping. How could she relax in that situation? I certainly couldn't.

Good on you Nannarose you have my admiration, its just not for me, I like my comfort too much.

Yes, this is the kind of post that raises a lot of questions; but I find that many families have unspoken 'expectations' about how members will behave and what they will do.

And yes, Christine, although I haven't camped with twins, we took all of ours camping from about 4 months old, so I have camped with 3 under 5s, and 4 under 7s (both parents present) and have been with my sister when we had 7 children between 2 & 10 with the two of us. We have camped in snow, pouring rain and sun, all over the UK and Europe. And if there was the odd evening that felt cold and damp, the magical places have made up for it. I feel fortunate to have had the experiences that I have, the people we have met, the places we have seen.

I write this, mainly to explain that camping, even with small children, is a positive experience for many - but the difference is that I make no such expectations of anybody else, and certainly don't impose them on my lovely DiLs or SiLs.

Neither am I writing to demonstrate how 'capable' I am - I have (for instance) never flown with any children (that I am responsible for) and quail at the thought of it. However, coping with anything unfamiliar or worrying needs explanation, communication and requests for / offers of help.

Unfortunately she did River and she and MrA immediately started plotting where we would go!

Personally I would take Stansgran option, let the family take them and your daughter can have a break. I would sooner stay at home and spring clean than go camping.I understand the financial implications and that some people actually enjoy it but with twin toddlers really ?
As others have said maybe a long weekend camping this year then increase the time when they are older.
Ultimately it's down to your daughter and her husband to work out a compromise.

I even heard myself say I would like to go camping with them later in the year

But did your DD hear you Jane? - let's hope not!

Is it the camping she can't cope with or the family? If it's the camping she needs to let her husband know and suggest that if she pulls out this year next year he can take the twins and she can stay home. If it's the family it's more difficult, but perhaps she could cope with just a long weekend and say the twins will need a good nights sleep in their own home after a few nights.

I think the main thing is that it is between DD and SIL and if she feels strongly that she does not want to go for whatever reason ie that the boys are too young this year then her in-laws should accept that.
Perhaps when they're 3 and potty trained? They will have a wonderful time!

But don't enter into it Grammy, just murmur 'whatever you think best dear, perhaps next year'.

The OP says "Last year was a challenge, but the twins were not walking yet".

So clearly her daughter knows what to expect in the way of problems and / or help. She has assessed this and decided she would not have a good time.

Why should anyone expect her to go, in that case?

I would only camp in a tent when my children were small if we had a alarm on the tent door, my middle son would have been out of that tent in the blink of an eye during the night and off on an adventure ! I still had an alarm on the door the last time we went and said child was 13 but it was more for my peace of mind as DD who was 15 was in a tent on her own next to the main tent

To me the rub is the expectation that the inlaws appear to have that the young family will accompany them.

They are entitled to invite them to join them, and the young family is entitled to decline, for whatever reason. The grandparents are being unreasonable in showing their displeasure.

But your DD needs to decide her own reason for not wanting to go. If it's the expectation, then she should stand her ground.
But if she doesn't mind that, but feels it's too much work, she should just make clear that she would be happy to go as long as the twins' father and grandparents help with the childcare.

As far as the camping goes, a lot depends on the site's facilities and what sort of tent they have. My DD has just got a new one which is positively palatial and when they put it up in the back garden the other day I even heard myself say I would like to go camping with them later in the year

Is this a camping holiday in the UK , where it could be cold/ wet or somewhere like the South of France? could make a difference. Personally, I've found camping in France very relaxing and child friendly. If all the family were there she wouldn't have to do all the child care surely? The kids could run around and have a great time, but at the end of the day it's not your decision , its up to the parents.