How do I deal with a difficult friend?

One idea could be to the it in turns to meet in each other's houses and have a simple lunch of soup and dessert or cheese and biscuits. This does away with the driving, parking and paying the bill issues that are causing all the friction. Would that work?

Ask the waiter/waitress for two bills. You pay your share and she pays hers. Simple!

In our area when you reach 80 you can apply for a blue badge and automatically receive one -no questions asked.I am sure your friend would get one at her age and with walking problems .

In ones 80s does one want to cut off friends? Father Time scythes them down soon enough for us. I don't agree with those who say end the friendship . I would think it's very hard to cut out an old friend even irritating. Yes to saying split the bill and yes to perhaps dropping her at the door and going to park.

Hi next week turn up to hers with sandwiches, cakes & say you'll make the tea using her facilities.
Less hastle

I have the same problem with my adult disabled daughter who can barely walk or see. We have a blue badge now which makes it a bit easier but she won't use any walking aids and clings hold of my arm or worse wrist tightly. I have told outright that I am afraid she will injury me and I am not going to let her do it anymore. We didn't go out for a while and then she gave in and started using a walking frame. Also she never offered to pay for anything so I now say it's your turn to pay next or shall we.split the cost. You could try this with your fried, simply say next time we go out use a frame as I have my own health to card for. My bet is she will change her ways

Our council will also send/accept paper forms for blue badge applications if it is explained an individual cannot manage he on line application. Vey helpful in fairness.

Luckygirl...I disagree about the immobility badge. I know someone who has piriformis syndrome (shooting pains which starts very suddenly and leaves them very incapacitated for any length of time. They applied online and within 24 hours was accepted. She should apply, they can only say NO!

Due to her age I wonder if she is suffering from vascular dementia , this seems like relatives of mine in the early stages ,when they just had small personality changes that were irritiating .

My advice would be to tell her what you have said on here and if she doesn't start behaving like a proper friend then it's up to you to not be available when it's time for you meals out.

Life is too short to spend with people who make you unhappy. If you don't feel up to telling her then just cut back on your meals out, tell her you are finding it a bit expensive, by the time you pay fuel and the meal.

Good luck .

This is the answer. 50/50. No unpleasantness needed. No one needs to worry about who's turn it is. It is easy to forget who paid last time, when you go out to lunch with various friends. You could just say "It would be easier for both of us if we just split the bill each time we come out for lunch, then I won't need to worry in case I forget my turn to pay"

This is the answer. 50/50. No unpleasantness needed. No one needs to worry about who's turn it is. It is easy to forget who paid last time, when you go out to lunch with various friends. You could just say "It would be easier for both of us if we just split the bill each time we come out for lunch, then I won't need to worry in case I forget my turn to pay"

This is the answer. 50/50. No unpleasantness needed. No one needs to worry about who's turn it is. It is easy to forget who paid last time, when you go out to lunch with various friends. You could just say "It would be easier for both of us if we just split the bill each time we come out for lunch, then I won't need to worry in case I forget my turn to pay"

Moleswife , my MIL fills in a form for hers. Sh wouldn't know how to get on line let alone do the application. Does this vary depending on where you live ?

This friend's problem is that she has reverted to second childhood. Needing to hold on to someone; waiting for someone else to pay; being down right selfish. I sometimes wonder if when the body is falling into very old-age some kind of survival mechanism kicks in whereby everything becomes me, me, me. You will not change her - quietly drop her.

You do not want to become your friend's carer, nor should you. There are some good ideas in this thread. I think that going out to lunch with your friend has come to an end.

you are kind enough to pick her up and drive. She should be paying her share.

I hope you find the advice on this thread that chimes with how you feel. Good luck.

Blue badges can only be applied for online and even then are not easy to get. Perhaps your friend could get a taxi-card (paper applications available) where she could set up an account - useful for other appointments too. Do you think she has signs of dementia? A word with close family could help here. Failing all that suggest a simple cafe or cheap chain store for future meetings citing a need for careful spending in the current economic climate!!

JackyB could you get a large-display phone for your mother and tell her it'll be handy IF her eyesight gets poor?

Your friend forgets about the difficulties caused by her holding your arm, but you don't, so it's up to you to work things out so she doesn't have to do that.

I think it would be better​ to mention the payment before you get there, rather than just confront her with the bill.
You wouldn't need to "have it out" with her.

Just say you think splitting the bill would be a better idea as you keep forgetting whose turn it is to pay.

I think someone touched on a good point further up the thread. It may be that her eyesight is going and she can't see to count the money and is embarrassed about it. Can she still read the menu or does she just order things without looking at it?
My mother never seems to phone anyone these days and I suspect it's because she can't read the display on the phone.

Does anyone know why my posts sometimes appear thee times?

Many thanks for all the ideas. I have tried some of them in the past. She has a tripod wheelie but it is a heavy one and I struggle to get it in my smallish boot. I could move the back seat forward to make more space, must remember to do this. We always go to my house after the meal for a cuppa and chat, putting the world to rights. I have told her that pulling my arm is painful sometimes but she forgets! I think splitting the bill is a good idea, I think I will just put it in front of her and say that is so much each. I am against 'having it out' with her that would be very stressful!
I can remember many times in life I when I have regretted things I said but not once do I remember regretting the fact that I kept my mouth shut. It's good to go on line and pour out my frustration.

Many thanks for all the ideas. I have tried some of them in the past. She has a tripod wheelie but it is a heavy one and I struggle to get it in my smallish boot. I could move the back seat forward to make more space, must remember to do this. We always go to my house after the meal for a cuppa and chat, putting the world to rights. I have told her that pulling my arm is painful sometimes but she forgets! I think splitting the bill is a good idea, I think I will just put it in front of her and say that is so much each. I am against 'having it out' with her that would be very stressful!
I can remember many times in life I when I have regretted things I said but not once do I remember regretting the fact that I kept my mouth shut. It's good to go on line and pour out my frustration.

Many thanks for all the ideas. I have tried some of them in the past. She has a tripod wheelie but it is a heavy one and I struggle to get it in my smallish boot. I could move the back seat forward to make more space, must remember to do this. We always go to my house after the meal for a cuppa and chat, putting the world to rights. I have told her that pulling my arm is painful sometimes but she forgets! I think splitting the bill is a good idea, I think I will just put it in front of her and say that is so much each. I am against 'having it out' with her that would be very stressful!
I can remember many times in life I when I have regretted things I said but not once do I remember regretting the fact that I kept my mouth shut. It's good to go on line and pour out my frustration.