That people will listen.

My husband can look me in the eye and still clock every ball of any cricket match on tv to the side of him. He can do this in public too, look like he's listening to me then repeat the conversation going on next to us in a restaurant verbatim , v annoying!!

Another thing about listening - some people I know well (won't say who) start to talk then go on forever like an unclosed tap.
Literally half an hour or so. How can they do it?
I say a few words, or a sentence or two, and I've run out of what to say. Why are we so different?

I have a long standing friend who, when you are wanting to share a bit of a problem in your life, quickly turns the conversation around to someone she knew with a similar dilemma, and you spend the rest of the time hearing about a complete stranger. She always does it, and what is worse we both worked in a profession where we trained in empathy and listening skills.

I got the saying wrong it should have been "He/she could talk a starving dog off a meat truck!" It was an American friend that said it!

I was deep in conversation with DD's friend, they met when they were teenagers and she now works as a teacher with DD. The friend was in the middle of telling me about her new job and we were having a lovely chat. A fellow teacher barged in, cut right through our conversation, completely ignoring me. I thought for a second that I must have become invisible. I have known this man for years and he had always been chatty to me. I found out after he did the same to my SIL and DD told me he fancies her friend.

I told DD if he asks why I now ignore him to tell him why. I can't be bothered with people who are full of themselves.

FarNorth: It does mean that I am more qualified to have an opinion on gender discrimination than most people. Not really - the company made me redundant a year later. That's long enough that I couldn't say it was a direct consequence, although I could have been at a grade above the glass ceiling by then. It wasn't a complete "not worth listening to" but there was enough of a change to be obvious.

MaryXYX, that's interesting and must have been quite annoying. It makes clear that women's complaints of being ignored / unappreciated by male colleagues and bosses may well be justified.

Were you able to get them to take notice of you again?

Just common courtesy..long before the ubiquitous word 'mindfulness' (yawn) was banded around!

You are spot on! There is a lack of interest, concentration and rudeness today. Just watch now, if your talking to someone there is bound to be a mobile either in hand or in the table for that every day VITAL (not) conversation. I turn my phone off when I'm with people...it's common courtesy to give some your full attention when they are talk TO you otherwise we are just talking AT them.

Had a wonderful meal at one of the Shard restaurants - there were 8 of us in a corner table talking eating drinking and pointing out anything we could recognise re London
Next to us was a Chinese couple - sat by the window the pair never once looked up from their phones spoke to each other or to the serving staff - what was the point of their meal

Used to do it to ex. 'Met an alien in town today. We had a wonderful time, lattes, romp in the park', blah. He would nod and say great. Hadn't heard a word!

So enjoying this thread! Agree totally that the art of conversation as we were taught it, is not a skill many younger people have. Listen, ask a relevant question, listen again properly i.e. focusing on the speaker's face and expression, look around at anyone else in the conversation, note who's quiet and maybe draw them in gently, introduce people to each other mentioning encouragingly what or who they might have in common....give your own opinion briefly and only elaborate with detail if you're asked to..... I could go on and on!! But I won't, cause I don't!!

That is right Parsleywin, support is a two way street. I was so touched though when a friend who we had been helping as her husband has terminal cancer offered to do my ironing after my accident. Other friends who had no such problems didn't do anything.
Why do some people insist in telling you all about their families who you have never met, sometimes in great detail. There is a big world out there.

Interesting! I have been very aware for several years of a tendency in magazine and online articles to exhort the reader to use supportive friends to help them through stressful or difficult times. Adding fuel to the fires of "me, me". I don't recall any pieces urging readers to be thoughtful, interested and selfless in return!

I completely agree with you Teetime. I'm a therapist and even though I trained quite a few years ago, I am still surprised at the lack of skill others show when they 'listen'; I think active listening is a basic life skill and should be taught in schools.
To be honest, I get fed up talking to a lot of people as so often conversation seems very one-sided; not long ago I found myself talking over someone as I was so sick of her dominating the conversation, which led to me assessing whether I should still be practising!
I've also often experienced people taking advantage and using me as an unpaid therapist.

Never phones at table! Table is for talking and exchanging views....
ajanela you made me laugh . Where I come from there is an expression which translates as "speak to stop his/her mouth from stinking"

I was out for Lunch with my DD, her OH & GGS, no phones at the table & good conversation. My DGS knows not to interupt when others are talking but to ask if he can say something. He was allowed his tablet when he'd finished eating. Are my family unusual, I hope not.

To continue ... can't persuade him how rude it looks

I point out to my OH that he gets a glazed look when people are talking to him, he says it is because he wants to remember something he wants to say and is afraid he will forget it. Can

This morning I heard a great phrase, " That women talks so much she would talk a starving dog out of a soup kitchen"
I laughed so much as that women drives me crazy as she loves to hold an audience with a lot of irrelevant rubish or repeating what someone else has said, especially at our book club and we are all too polite to interrupt and when I do, I feel the rude one.

I like listening to other people and I have a squint which I'm told gives the impression that I am totally focused on whoever I'm with. Maybe that's why I find exactly the same problem - I know all about my friends' families but they know very little about mine. My DH says that maybe they don't like to ask me questions because the fact that I'm quiet means I want to keep things close to my chest and it would be nosy, but I don't agree.

Active listening is part of mindfulness. You're not 'in the moment' if you're not paying attention!

One of my pet peeves, people who can't be bothered to at least look as if they are listening, glancing sideways or interrupting me, so rude and I know I have not droned on and so do not deserve such rudeness

DH and I have a bet - when I meet someone for coffee we say "5 minutes?" meaning that that person will listen to me talking about me/mine for 5 minutes and spend the other 55 minutes talking about themselves/family/friends/dogs etc.

Am I a good listener? Am I too polite to stop their "organ recital"? Should I butt in more often? I don't know. But since I am a rather private person, it doesn't worry me too much - except it becomes very tiresome and makes the "relationship" rather one-sided.
So, no, teetime, you are absolutely not alone.

It's definitely not just you that this happens to and not are you being unreasonable.

My SIL is the worst culprit ..... He asks me a specific question raning from gardening to health to whatever he wants my opinion I start to talk, I see him glaze over. Last time this happened I honestly muttered under my breath "oh! Talking to myself as usual". He was so far gone he didn't even hear .... My DD did and shot me a 'look'. I got up, walked into the kitchen. My SIL who prides himself on having excellent manners simply didn't notice.

Actually I find it not just rude but also hurtful. I like to think I listen to my friends and am aware of any dramas or important issues in their lives. Perhaps I'm an incredible bore!

Don't answer that one !!