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Birthday present for granddaughter

(13 Posts)
batpat1 Thu 06-Jul-17 00:12:56

My eldest granddaughter will soon be 14. For the past year or so, she has been VERY VERY hard work for her parents,and everyone else, hardly ever attending school, coming home very late, going out when grounded, monosyllabic, uncommunicative, rude... She has just told me (longest conversation I have had with her for months) she wants money for her birthday, nothing else, don't give her anything else at all, just money. I hadn't actually asked her what she would like for her birthday, by the way, just "how are things, how's life going at the moment" type comment from me, and that was the response.

I don't really feel inclined to give her anything. I don't feel like funding any of her activities at the moment. I have thought about giving her a small sum and explaining that the more time she puts in at school then more money will come her way. But it seems harsh not to acknowledge a child's birthday with a gift. Does anyone else have experience of this? WWYD?

paddyann Thu 06-Jul-17 00:45:42

sounds like most 14 year olds to me.Give her what she asked for ,money...doesn't have to be a lot put a ten pound note in a card..if she complains say you're just doing what she said she wanted .My daughter was very hard work at that age too,we found that the best way to deal with her was NEVER give her an answer to anything.When she wanted to go somewhere or have something we always said we'd think about it the time we HAD thought about it she'd usually changed her mind.DOnt put conditions on her present though.A gift should never have conditions attached.The good news is they grow out of that phase quite quickly .My daughter is a lovely, kind hearted hard working mum ,wife and business woman .So theres light at the end of the tunnel

mumofmadboys Thu 06-Jul-17 08:10:45

I agree. Give her a money gift. Leave the disciplining and advice giving to the parents unless she directly asks you for help. Hope things improve!

Imperfect27 Thu 06-Jul-17 08:24:34

...Or maybe give her a voucher for a clothes store e.g. HM / New Look, or cinema vouchers - then you might feel there is a degree of knowing she will spend it on something nice(maybe not something illicit if she smokes / drinks - sorry, no offence meant there, but know some teenagers would!!!) You would still be giving her money. If you are there when she opens the card, you can just smile and say technically you took her request to heart!
I have all these things ahead of me re grandchild/ren turning into teenagers, but I think I wold flippantly say 'You will be lucky to get anything at all'' if a grandchild talked to me that way and leave them wondering ... This happened to me and did me no harm at all! It taught me to be a bit more respectful.

Teetime Thu 06-Jul-17 12:09:59

I think I would give a voucher but perhaps for something social like Pizza Express or similar?

gillybob Thu 06-Jul-17 12:32:26

I would just give the money batpat1 She might end up selling a voucher for less than its worth . Could it be that she is saving up for one special thing?

annodomini Thu 06-Jul-17 12:53:47

Give her some money, Batpat. It's what she wants and she can't complain. She sounds as if she might have got into some bad company but her parents must be onto that as her behaviour is beyond the norm, even for a rebellious teenager. My 14-year-old GD (a goody-two-shoes!) has got herself a part-time job in a chippy - she told her dad that she 'needed an income'! Perhaps your GD could be encouraged to earn her money rather than expecting subs from you.

Norah Thu 06-Jul-17 13:31:29

Just give her a small sum. She did ask for money, respect her request.

mrsjones Thu 06-Jul-17 16:57:06

My teenage GC usually want some gadget/gizmo that I've never heard of so I give them money to put towards it. It's what they prefer.

travelsafar Thu 06-Jul-17 18:35:10

I think that there always comes a time with grand children when money is the best option.
What ever you choose will be the wrong thing and money just wasted.

I can remember as a child receiving cards in the post on my birthday with a ten bob note or a pound if i was lucky and it was great, i could save for something or just splurge!!!

You could put money in a card in those days by the way.Lol

GillT57 Thu 06-Jul-17 22:42:27

travelsafar i used to love getting money in birthday cards from aunties and uncles. Used to get five bob postal orders!

batpat1 Sat 08-Jul-17 22:48:27

Thanks to everyone for useful and thoughtful comments, you have given me food for thought. Maybe what I will do is give DGD an Amazon token, and just a little bit of cash (fiver?) Missing school is no small thing at all, and is the aspect of her behaviour that makes me most cross, although I know there's not much I can do about it, except make it clear to her how much I disapprove. Perhaps I will put that fiver as a bookmark in a copy of Malalia's autobiography for DGD as well.

Liz46 Sun 09-Jul-17 06:20:28

My younger daughter was a nightmare at 14 and she is now a lovely, thoughtful lady who is doing a wonderful job of bringing up her children. Her ten year old daughter is showing signs of being a bit of a handful though.