Warts and all

You have chosen to move back to a place which you deemed more suitable for you now for whatever reason but, by your own admission the place you chose to bring your son up in was a much nicer place, so it's no wonder he cannot understand your reasoning for your present relocation.

How about 'I find your dislike of the area somewhat comforting in that you're definitely here to see us' or 'at least that means you won't ever consider coming back to stay with us'. Done jocularly and with accurate timing this could hit the spot. Good luck!

How old is DS now?

I remember my parents wanting to move back to my dad's hometown when he would retire. I was in my teens then and could not understand why as we lived in a city and all my friends and such were there. Fast forward 15 years and after having visited his hometown for summer hols, I moved there myself ahead of their retirement! I loved it and spent over 25 years there and consider it my hometown now even though I moved to the UK.

So... he may be centered on where he lives at the moment. Yes, he is obviously immature in verbalising his opinions so rudely, but I do understand his thinking. He just needs to learn some tact.

Where you now live is your choice and he does not have to live there himself, so he needs to grow up and stop whingeing over something that has nothing to do with him. If this is how he treats his friends, he won't have many for long. People like that are hard work!

Is he still at primary school? If he is an adult then he needs to be told to mind his own business and stop behaving like a pratt.

This generation of young adults and even the slightly older ones seem obsessed by their own self importance and opinions.

Tell him to shut up he is a bore. It is another form of bullying to chip away at people like that.

My kids do the same, except this is where they last lived at home so know the area. I just say it suits us

Just tell him you're not inviting him back to live with you - ever!

We have a 'friend' who criticises everything we say or do and sneers constantly but at least I can avoid him if possible although it is difficult.
I think you will have to tell your DS quite bluntly that what suits him may not necessarily suit you and you are very happy, thanks very much.

How about telling him it is just as well you are not forcing HIM to live there too, as he wouldn't like it at all. Then add that of course he can't force YOU to live anywhere either, and you like it where you are, you were happy in the previous area, but now this suits you much better. Tell him some reasons.

Ask him why he likes where he lives now, and tell him a few reasons why it suits him but wouldn't suit you, and add that everyone is different.

Finish by asking him not to criticise your choice and you won't criticise his.

Its quite offensive, I find, when the place you live is criticised. It used to get right under my skin when it was done to me; almost as if it was a judgment on 'the kind of person' who would choose to live here.

Why don't you tell him he's being rude and ask him to stop it? You could also mention absent's point. Has he always been critical of his parents' decisions?

Your comments about seeing things from one's own perspective are probably true, but the derogatory remarks are what I find insulting. Coming from a generation who travel the world, who embrace different cultures, who pretend to be tolerant etc. one's own children are infuriating when they stamp their feet and criticise their parents' choices.
Like Eglantine's sister too, their reasons can only be based on self-importance. I'm guessing also you are right Imperfect27 to say a mature attitude towards parents takes a long time, even in adulthood. I know our DS would never criticise his friends' choices, most of whom have made successful careers in the city, so I suppose he saves it all up for us as parents. It's just a shame when we look forward to his visits to us and then feel deflated afterwards.
A broken record is just about right!

My children before they left home, said they would never under any circumstances live in our small town when they had homes of their own. Two have moved back and bought homes, the third has bought a flat ten minutes away in the town where I was brought up!

It's odd how some people need to do this isn't it? They want you to like what they like. When I downsized from a big house in the country to a small one in town my sister was so negative and critical. Not enough storage space, too close to railway station, could only have one person to stay, garden not big enough for vegetables, people walking past all the time. Actually most of those were pluses to me and why I moved. She could only see it from her point of view and the life she wanted.
Maybe your son is the same.

I see a link between this post and the 'Ungrateful son' thread begun by Sheian yesterday - and doubtless many others ...

Our children do take a very long time to mature ... way into adulthood!

Your son seems to be expressing regret about change. As you spent the substantial part of his childhood in a preferred place (does he still live there?) he is sad that you left it ... but has not fully come to terms with the fact that it was your right and your choice. Has he stayed local? Did he hope you would be nearer to hand e.g. for when grandchildren might come along one day? Whatever his reasons for regret, they are based in self-interest.

I sometimes think that the more secure they are as children, the longer this process of maturing and realising we are people too takes!

Have you borne remarks in silence, or are you able to say he is beginning to sound like a broken record and how sad it makes you feel?

It isn't really anything to do with him is it? I assume that he is an adult with his own life, which he would expect you to recognise but not criticise. He needs to realise that you are adults – not merely parents, but individuals – with your own lives that he should recognise and not criticise. It really isn't anything to do with him is it?