Warts and all

When our house was repossessed and DH and I moved into a council house my mother went to great lengths to hide the "shame" from her neighbours. Unfortunately it turned out that her newsagent's son was now living a few doors away from us so it didn't stay secret for long. The fact that we didn't care who knew didn't help her either

Lillie, Just show him the attached.

None of his business. Even if he doesn't like the place you choose to live he has no right to disrespect your choice. Is he a snob? I just ask because I have a cousin who refuses to visit her mother. Her mother has to take a coach to where she lives and stay with her. She was born and raised on a council estate in the house where her mother still lives. When she went to uni she seemed to become ashamed of where she was brought up. Now she doesn't want anyone to know she's off an estate.

Children (of whatever age) can be very conservative creatures and I suspect that your son simply doesn't like the idea of your upping sticks and moving away from a place which represents security for him. One of my children still hankers after the house she was brought up in, despite having moved away 30 years ago.

As for your son's continual derogatory remarks, simply say (with a smile if possible) "Look, I know you don't approve of our moving, but we like it here - it's our choice so there's no point in continually moaning. End of." He just might get the message.

Not just you Cherry tree I have had the same problem on and off since this afternoon.
Sorry everyone.

SOS
I can't get on to GN via pad or phone
I have accessed this thread via GN Facebook
But when click active it goes on to tom cat and pages of numbers
Is it just me??
I note that this post states today 20.39.
Will stay on this thread in hope of some info

Apologies for interrupting thread OP

I agree with radical nan good post. It doesn't matter one bit what he likes its your life and choice. Tell him to butt out and show you some respect.

Thank you all. I think a serious dose of GNs' opinions on the matter would do him good! I'm sure the hour and a half he battled on a stuffy tube put him in a diabolical mood, but I was upset he turned it round on us who are happy to accept the busy location we chose as a part of our lives.
As suggested, think it's a maturity thing, but because it was rude and upsetting, I shall be better prepared with some of your comments another time. Otherwise it will become like a dripping tap, mainly because he knows he can score points on this issue.
Oh well, off to enjoy catching the sardine express!

My brother in law was always derogatory about the North London suburb which is our home. He died 8 years ago and my sister moved to be near us. She has built a new life for herself and loves it here. It always makes me smile when I think of the things he said.
It's nobody's business but your's where you live

It's strange isn't it.. we moved to a beautiful small town/village so the children could live in the countryside.. when they grew up They moved into a City saying they preferred all the hustle/bustle and to be near shops/museums/theatres...you thought you are doing your best... mind they were never rude.. now I live miles away.
Each to their own... but wouldn't like them to "diss" where I live..I would never do that to them (even though secretly I would hate to live in a big town). Perhaps he doesn't realise how upset you are - try telling him I bet he doesn't realise.

I think the next time he makes a comment of that nature say how happy for him you are that his place is "so much nicer". Do not continue accepting the criticism - walk away.

DS was bullied at school and was glad to get away from the village/town we lived in. He settled in the city, and then a nearby village because he wanted his son to grow up in a village (!), he went to university in. He sometimes made derogatory comments about his "hometown" which upset me because I felt he was criticising US, his parents, rather than the place. I told him this and he was horrified and the comments stopped. I know he wouldn't want to come back here to live but he comes to see, and support, his parents as often as he can. I know your son didn't grow up where you now live but maybe a little word to your DS would have the same result - I really hope so.

My brother used to live in a high rise flat in a not very nice area. We have a small semi in an ordinary area. He used to constantly criticise our area, house, garden etc. Now he lives in a house in a nicer area, he is much more complimentary about where we live. I think the green eyed monster was at work before.

It's almost like post code snobbery, isn't it? I sometimes think people make such remarks to make themselves feel better about the choices they've made for themselves. Maybe your son isn't as happy as he claims to be about where he lives.

I can understand your feelings. My friend"s sister had emigrated to Australia with her husband and two children for a better life in the 1970"s. Quite a few years later on, on one of their visits back to the UK I was invited to go out with them all for a meal before their return home. As the conversation continued I asked their daughter who was now in her twenty"s did she remember the house were she was born and the shop her mum had worked in thinking of the nostalgia her mum had for it all. I was quite shocked when she said " what a b----dy s----y place it all was ..and she would,nt be coming back again on their next visit. Her parents were upset to say the least..my friend mortified ...and other people at the meal trying to smooth things over while the daughter seemed to enjoy the attention she had created regardless of her insulting behaviour.

Is your DS isn't married with a young family and wishing like heck you lived closer to help with childcare is he? I think Inge Jones has hit the nail on the head, I would definitely be tempted to tell him to stop. Do hope you are both happy back home!

I am intrigued to know why he does it - what does he hope to achieve? It is like childish boasting - I live in a better place than you! Nah! Nah! Nah!
Next time he makes a remark, I would calmly say " Yes, it is a lovely place and we enjoyed living there, but now we've decided to move back to our roots and enjoy our memories. It suits us. Each to his own, so you enjoy your home and we'll enjoy ours!"

Actually just say that to him if you're sick of the subject. Just say "look son, you live where you want to live and we live where we want to live, end of subject" And smile and offer him more cake.

I don't really see how this is a problem? He's moaning about the place, not you. You are not the place, it's not personal. He's just making conversation. Why not make it into an interesting comparison of pros and cons? Maybe your place will lose on points, but since you live where you want to live and he lives where he wants to live I don't see why this should cause conflict.

Kim that made me laugh. I have one offspring who has been known (but not often or rudely) to make disparaging comments about the area in which the kids were brought up and I and one of them still live.
My memory is hopeless and my timing even worse, but I will try and remember your suggestions.

He is saying what he thinks and may not realise it is upsetting you so much. I would say, " you probably don't realise how much you are upsetting me by criticising where we have chosen to live." Explain why you have made the move and tell him when he reaches your age he will have different values and will understand that happy memories are more important than superficial things.

We have lived in a few different places but I recently returned to a place where I spent many happy years in childhood and my teenage years to visit a friend in hospital. I had some time to kill and walked around the town - to be honest it is a bit run down but I was overwhelmed with happy memories as I walked around the familiar streets. I'm sure if my husband shared my memories we might have considered moving there in our twilight years.

My friend has lived there all her life and so have her five siblings. They all say the town is "a bit of a dump" but wouldn't live anywhere else as they have happy memories and are a very close family which they alll value as they have helped each other through hard times.

Our son too considers that he lives in a 'nicer' place. A few years ago, when he was settling with his now wife and starting a family, he was most derogatory about where we live which is where he was brought up. We found it very hurtful at the time. He does seem to have mellowed somewhat now.

I do so agree, Imperfect27, that from our experience, the more loving and secure the childhood, the longer they take to become mature adults.

Sometimes as parents we can't do right for doing wrong, it seems to me. Their turn will come.

It doesn't matter what he can and can't get his head around. Its just plain rude to keep harping on about it. I'm sure he wouldn't say it to others in his life, like his work colleagues.

Why not tell him exactly who you chose to go back there…. sentimental reasons. It is where you were born, where you went to Uni, where you met your DH and where HE was born . To my mind that is reason enough . If he can't see that then he must be very unfeeling plus unkind.