To worry about dying alone

Yes, I live alone no close relations to check on me plus a dog owner. Young neighbours, who don't want to know. I feel I could be here for days.

One older friend who lives 9 miles a way who I speak to daily but sometimes, if I don't ring her, she doesn't ring me.

Interesting thread this. I live alone. I have a kind of 'away mode' with my curtains and blinds. One time I was leaving for a very early flight an I omitted to make this operational. Result was my blinds and curtains were closed for four days and NO ONE NOTICED. I do have a healthily friendly relationship with my immediate neighbours and when I commented they all said 'oh, we thought you must be away'. Blimey! Situation now rectified. Please tell me more about the workings of a key safe and how I get one?

The three rings looks like a possible for some. I did find this www.goodmorningservice.co.uk/index.html but it is only for the Glasgow area but lots of good ideas.

This is something I have been thinking about more since I lost my husband last year. I'm perfectly fit and not frail, but I could still be taken ill or have an accident.

I don't have pets, but I still worry about myself. My daughters, who don't live locally, tell me I should keep my phone handy, especially at night, and I suppose they're right.

Another thing that has occurred to me is that when I lock up at night, I leave the key in the lock. I have a spare key hidden outside, and several friends who know where it is, but they wouldn't be able to get in while there's a key on the other side of the door. I ought to remove the inner key when I lock the door.

If I need to go into the loft via the pull-down ladder, or do anything in the garden that requires a step ladder, I try to wait until there's someone else with me, or ask a friend to come round, just in case I fall.

I suppose all this is the price we pay for our independence.

I used to have a friend who died in her late eighties surrounded by tons of friends and family. I met her for the last time at a party she attended with a cracked hip (against medical advice ) and drinking whiskey.( also against medical advice)

I asked her what was the secret?

She said it was simple but people didn't believe her. Every day, get out of bed, get properly dressed (a bit of mascara in your case) and go out of the house to do something. When sonething ends as it will, find something else. Friends die, children grow up, voluntary work loses funding. Be sad, then find something else
Yes yes to every invitation if possible.
Keep the house tidy so friends can pop round.

And if the odd local cat comes through your cat door, what harm?

I remember this product appearing on Dragon's Den. It wouldn't work for me though, as I don't drink tea and hardly ever use anything electrical in the mornings!
www.3rings.co.uk/

Found two daily response services. These both charge so I am wondering if there is a charity that runs one.

info.iamfine.com/
www.seniorresponse.co.uk/elderly-contact-services/daily-call/

(Still researching )

It looks as if the US is ahead of us but I am still 'researching'

Daily calling services
"One simple, free solution -- practically a must for older adults living alone -- is a daily calling service, sometimes referred to as "Are You OK?" services. These are run by police or sheriff's departments in most counties and are provided free of charge.
"How they work: A computer calls subscribers at a designated time each day; if they don't pick up, whomever the older adult has designated gets an in-person call. If that person isn't reachable, calls are made to backup people who've also agreed to check on the older adult if necessary.
"The fallback if no one can be reached -- or if no one answers a knock on the door once the backup list is alerted -- is that police or other emergency services personnel will be dispatched to the home."

I was referring to the earlier comments. The later ones seem to be relevant.

I posted before reading through the thread (I won't do that again). I cannot see what the comments have to do with the OP. Very confusing.

I expect it but it doesn't bother me. I would prefer it to dying in hospital. I expect to be found when someone breaks in because I haven't paid a bill. I am 65 and I find the idea of being in my 90s and having to cope more scary than what happens at the end.

We have a family member who lives alone and he 'rents' his lounge to a friend who is a therapist two days a week so that he knows someone will be coming to the house.
I phone my mother every morning and later in the day but we have put Find Friends on her phone as well. Unfortunately it often shows her to be a mile from her house in the middle of the night which we know is impossible.

I dont know if this is still available, but when my Mum was alive she had a free telephone call morning and evening from one of the charities for older people, I think it was Age UK. The call was, in theory, to remind her to take her medication following a spell in hospital, but she had a good memory and was perfectly capable of remembering herself. She wanted the call so that someone was checking twice a day that she was still alive and kicking (she refused to 'bother the family'. Mum had a little dog and was as worried about the dog suffering as her. It worked well and when she didnt answer the phone one day, the service contacted her pre-arranged emergency person, which was my brother living about half an hour away, so he could go round and check on her.

I think Greatnan died October 2013, doing what she loved. This thread has brought her back to my mind too. That was Gransnet at its best! This linked thread remembers her a year after her death.
www.gransnet.com/forums/genealogymemories/a1211287rememb?msgid=25367845

How long ago did Greatnan die please? I recognise her name . GN did a great job there. Very sad she died though. About how old was she?

So sorry for you Ann, everyone (apart from one) here can see that you acted with the very best intentions, and it could have been a very difference story. Then she'd have been glad of your concern. Such ingratitude and a short memory.

I really hope you stay, please don't beat yourself up about this.

Best wishes.

Such a interesting thread although it certainly shows that not all well meant gestures are received with grace. Don't disappear Annsixty - we may be able to sort out something which helps for everyone.

I may ramble a little but forgive me. I have seen a couple of things I hope I can add to. First, if you are thinking getting an alarm (pendant round neck or wrist one) do see if your local authority will do this for you. You may be required to have an assessment of need but that can be positive in itself. These alarms do not just come as press-button ones. My mother has a 'fall' alarm which does have the press button but will go off if she falls. They changed to this after a TIA so having had something which caused you to fall might be entry into the system. There are other alarms but we seem to be talking about mainly comparatively well people who may just be unexpectedly ill or die without anyone knowing.

Do think about a key safe. (note to self - listen to your own advice). It is very expensive if a door has to be broken into by the police. If you are changing your locks at any point you can (it's a bit expensive) have a lock which can be used from the outside even if the keys are still in the door. Very good if you are becoming forgetful.

My last thought is it should be possible for some sort of system - on line? - to be set up where you can 'log in' (?) at a specific time each day and a message could be sent to an 'in case of emergency' person if you don't. Is this something GNHQ could look into for us - or should we be sending a letter to the Guardian?

On the subject of "being missed"
Some other GN members and I were accustomed to daily posts on FB from our late freind Greatnan
I noticed she hadn't posted for a couple of days, flagged it up with someone who had her email address and that of her daughter in New Zealand(?) mobile number etc and she followed it up. Long story short - she had set off on one of her trademark walks/hikes in the mountains where she lived in France but had not been seen or heard since. Mobile worked for a day or so but after raising the alarm locally, gaining entry to her flat to make sure she wasn't ill at home, posting pictures of her and her car on FB and another GN member who lived in Switzerland getting personally involved, the car was found, a search area identified and sadly her body was found a few days later. It seems she had fallen and (one hopes) been killed outright.
My point is that we had noticed the silence and acted on it.
There might have been an "innocent" explanation, broadband down, having a lie-in, a fall in the house, stuck in bed -anything OR by raising the alarm as soon as we had realised things weren't right she MIGHT have been found in time if the fall had been less severe.
So annsixty you were totally right to feel and express concern as would any of us be in a similar position.
And if it were me laid up with norovirus or at the foot of the stairs with a broken hip and unable to reach a phone I would be bl**dy grateful!
I hope nobody is put off taking some action (discreet, not the Sweeney!) if they fear someone who lives alone might be in distress.

annsixty

Goodness, to see concern and friendship dismissed in such a way after so much support ..... I'm lost for words.

Very interesting! Yes, I think I once made a suggestion that Ruby didn't like. Seems she holds grudges and didn't like my saying to Ann that she now knows who her friends are.

I stand by that remark.

As for berating me for not wishing her well re her operation. Has she no thought to what's going on in other people's lives?

With all respect, I find it hard to see annsixty subjected to such criticism for being caring and concerned.
Despite her own massive burdens she took the time to put "virtual" online friendship into practice and visit someone in hospital.
Where has there been any mention of police at the door?
We live in a society these days which is criticised for being too insular, for not caring for our neighbour, for living behind closed doors and where we know people can be isolated and lonely.
I am not surprised some people are unwilling to get involved, fearing rejection and criticism.
Sourcerer has summed it up well from her point of view and many who live alone without family nearby recognise her situation.
But what happens when a "good neighbour" if their concern or friendship is rejected in such a cruel way.
There's more than one sort of loneliness I think,

I really have stirred up a hornet's nest and I am sorrier than I can say.
I did not talk about Ruby behind her back and can assure her I had no intention of calling the police. I knew she was back in contact with her son and that he would act if necessary. I did not like to think she was ill with no-one knowing.
I had told her by PM that I had posted that I was worried about her.
No-one showed anything but concern for her.
I know now that it was all misplaced, I am very sad and sorry for the problem I have unwittingly caused and hope Ruby reconsiders and comes back when she is in a better place.

I've forgot nothing MawBroon, nothing. I've said so often enough.

Goodbye all, and thanks to most. Xxx

I'm not being called a liar.

It seems like I'm wasting my time trying to explain, I've now just been classed as nasty when that isn't the case at all. Goodness, am I not allowed some time to myself?

I'm going, goodbye.