To worry about dying alone

Good point Franbern .. I have taken as many actions as possible in order to alleviate any possibility of being left on my own and that's all I can do.. so may as well get on with living my life and enjoying it.

Mawbroon gosh thats a sad and very pertinent account of action by Gransnetters and Greatnan's passing.
What a great help everyone was, it sounds like.
annsixty you did the right thing.Surely the point of checking on someone is that they will be found fine and OK?

On the original point, I live alone and with several illnesses that I usually don't go on about, and being very ill is a concern.
And I don't feel I am old enough to tap into elderly services.

Just read an earlier post and nannot gran has already given the details.

On an earlier post I said I would find out about a device that links a kettle with and smart phone. I asked my mum about it and she is asking her friend ( who has one) about it. I will report back when I have heard.

I am lucky that my neighbours would notice if I wasn't up & about or if my light is still on in my Lounge very late, I usually go to bed between 12 & 1 anything later than that is very unusual. 2 neighbours have a key. My cat has a cat flap & would soon "kick up a fuss" if I didn't feed him.

I also keep my neighbours informed about days out, holidays etc so they know not to worry. I also drive so if my car doesn't move I would either get a knock at the door or a phone call. Dying alone doesn't worry me but being taken seriously ill does.

This is something I have thought about a great deal since my DH died 4 months ago. It really came home to me on Friday when I was the victim of a collapsing stepladder. Just a black eye and a damaged leg but it could have been so much worse. I am lucky in that I tend to chat with my family every other day but it would be quite a while if something more serious happened.
I have good neighbours but feel too young to ask someone to check on me and do not yet want an alarm button. Guess I shall have to live dangerously for now.

Luckily we do this as DH was "bluelighted" to hospital last week. Make sure duplicates of any medications are included too. Shaving and washing needs, spare underwear, spare reading glasses, slippers, etc. It saves fumbling around to collect all the bits while the ambulancemen are here, or even if you drive your OH to hospital, unsure of a possible admission. Sal i haven't read your link but I'm sure it says much the same. Good idea to mention this.

www.gransnet.com/forums/other_subjects/a1190820-Being-Prepared

Going off piste slightly, don't forget to always have a bag packed in case of a hospital visit. This was discussed on a thread a while ago. I have had one ready for years, it sits on the spare bed at all times, as I live alone.

I live by myself and although most days I attend different groups, often I am unable to go, so none of them would be at all alarmed if I failed to turn up. Being unconscious is something that really worries me. So, I have an arrangement with my eldest daughter who lives pretty near. If she does not receive a message from me each morning saying 'OK', by 10.00 am. then she will come round. She has a key to my front door. However I also have a key safe in the porch so that if I did need to contact ambulance, etc. I could tell them the code and they could access my house easily.
Do think we need to make suitable arrangements and not just when we are old.

My mother used to have a pendant, which she rarely wore! One day on returning from visiting her, I found our entire conversation on my telephone answer machine! I have no idea how it happened, because as far as I was aware neither of us had touched it.

I don't think I'd be too worried for myself - I'd worry about any pets I might have, though.
What worries me a lot more is becoming either physically or mentally incapable, or both, and being a great worry and a burden to my children.
If I got to the stage where I thought it helpful, I'd have one of those pendant things which you press for help, but they're not much use with dementia, since the person will typically either hide it away, or forget what it's for or how to use it.

I have been looking back at the Three Rings device. Although the initial cost is high the monthly cost is less than one days, fifteen minute carer visit! It is probably not what everyone need early on but as we get older I think it could be really useful.

Synonymous To be fair, I have lived here for an age as have many of my neighbours. We don't live in each others pockets but we do try to be 'neighbourly' such as taking in parcels, and looking out for each others properties when anyone is away etc.

W11girl that is the system that we now have, it is run by the local council and we pay a small quarterly fee. At the same time as putting in tbe 'care call' system they ensured everything in the house was safe right down to a carbon monoxide alarm being fitted because we now have a wooddburner. Nothing was too much trouble and they have been amazingly helpful.

Greengage I think neighbours watching out for each other is a really good idea. We moved nearly three years ago and are still working at getting to know our neighbours and that is taking quite a bit of work and is not as easy as I thought it was going to be. Either people are not as approachable as they were once or else it is just the fact that all our neighbours here are much older than we have ever had before. DH says "it is because we have moved to 'retiredsville' " and I suppose it could well be so. Anyone else found that to be the case for them too? On the other hand perhaps we are getting older too!

We also have phones strategically placed so that nowhere is too far from one. Unfortunately neither of our mobiles' reception is very good unless we are at the back of the house. I did have to use the 'care call' two days after we got it when DH fell and I couldn't lift him. They had to get an ambulance crew with a special 'lift' because of all his broken bones. It is truly amazing just what help is available when you need it - thankfully!

Absent, you posted what I have been thinking!

Have found this whole topic really interesting. I am 71, currently hale and hearty, and live on my own. I have a daughter who lives a few miles away and who usually emails me several times a day. She always worries if she phones and doesn't get an answer although it is very likely I am out or down the garden! I am a key holder for a couple of neighbours, and we tend to look out for each other in various ways. I have a cordless phone beside my bed as well as the main cordless one downstairs. I also have a mobile which occasionally I forget to charge! I try to take all sensible precautions for someone living on their own in order that my two children have confidence in me. I remember the concern my brothers and I had when our mother lived alone and I advised her to do the things for our peace of mind and which would give us confidence in her. I am now wondering if there is more I could do for other locals on their own - I may approach the local parish church which is a very good community church acting for the benefit of all.

Dying in your sleep is one thing. There's not much anyone can do about it. But dying after lying on a floor for 2 days is another. The only answer I can see is a Community alarm system (a pendant worn around the neck that can be pressed immediately and a response team phone you first, you don't have to get to the phone to speak to them as it goes on to a loud speaker system which is fitted at at the time of purchasing the service. If they do not get a reply they go round to the house speedily. I have experience of this working well. The service can be free to those in dire or vulnerable circumstances.

One idea would be to group say 7 people who live alone into a category in your email contacts and send one message perhaps in morning or say at 6pm then if you don't send they call 999. You wouldn't need to be living close.
Just remember to tell folk if you're going to be away.
To meet people join the U3A. Everything from meals out, knitting to learning a foreign languages and lots of other groups.

Since following this thread I've put two cautionary measures into action. Since my husband, whom we all considered hale and hearty, died very unexpectedly of a heart attack I really should know better. However......now remedied. Thanks to all constructive contributors yet again.

Yes Absent and the pet part is also true - even if yuk!

How macabre!!
Not something pet owners want to think about.
All those cute cats and dogs will be seen through different eyes from now on.

Actually, everybody dies alone, even if surrounded by a Victorian-style deathbed of friends and relations. As for pets, they will not go hungry if there is a body in the house.

I second Anya's post, it is obviously a subject that many worry about. I think the easiest one is the system that when, if your curtains are not opened by a certain time each day, you don't answer the door, help should be sought.

Sourcerer it's probably been very worthwhile you posting about your worry as so many good ideas have been put forward. I hope you manage to sort out something that will put your mind at rest.