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People coming to stay

(15 Posts)
edsnana Fri 18-Aug-17 14:04:16

Recently my DD and DGS came to stay and brought her sister in law with her two children. They are a nice family but the children are the most fussy eaters I have ever encountered. Mealtimes were not fun but I catered to their "needs/wants". My sister in law regularly comes and stays, particularly over Christmas as well. I cannot imagine going to stay in someone's home without taking some contribution towards the food/drink, but the only time my SIL brought something was a Christmas pudding big enough for 4 when there were 8 of us!! DD's SIL brought nothing. Am I being unreasonable to think that bringing something, or at least offering to is the norm?

goldengirl Fri 18-Aug-17 14:08:21

When we have family to stay I don't expect a contribution as we visit them at their home on occasion too.

And yes my GC are fussy eaters as well - and so are their friends! I find it very frustrating. Hopefully they will grow out of it eventually. In the meantime I don't look forward to mealtimes!

Charleygirl Fri 18-Aug-17 14:10:01

I would not normally bring food but I certainly would supply alcohol. I would not go empty handed and I would be washing up etc if the person did not have a dishwasher.

Telly Fri 18-Aug-17 14:24:14

Well, going for dinner, I would always ask if there is anything specific the host(ess) would like me to bring. Usually the answer is no, so I would def. bring flowers/choc and wine. But if staying or something big like Xmas I would come laden with whatever I thought was appropriate. But I think it would be thoughtful to contribute something.

suzied Fri 18-Aug-17 14:35:20

If we were staying with someone I would definitely bring a present - a couple of bottles of wine+plant for the garden and/or we'd take them out for a meal during our stay. Our family usually descend on us in their hordes and I never make a dessert as someone always brings a cake/ a pudding. Going to a friend for dinner we'd always take one nice bottle sometimes flowers as well. I think the family with the picky eaters should have treated you to something as a thank you.

M0nica Fri 18-Aug-17 14:52:26

Where there is a reciprocal arrangement, they stay with you/you stay with them, then there is no need for money to change hands. However,I was brought up to always take a gift for the hostess. What, would vary, chocs, flowers, alcohol, items of luxury or unusual food.

At Christmas I would volunteer to provide a major food item; the turkey, gammon, cheese. wine. DS always turns up with a magnificent cheeseboard, much welcome with a family of cheeseoholics.

When our children were small we used to go and stay with friends intermittently and they with us and we would always give paper cash in an envelope. Back in the 1970s/80s the usual amount was £20.00 for the 4 of us.

Greyduster Fri 18-Aug-17 16:03:05

We have never gone empty handed anywhere. If we were invited to stay, we would take wine, food or offer to buy groceries. If we are just invited for a meal, we will take wine, and chocolates or flowers. With DH's sister she is always happy to have a litre bottle of scotch, and she always bring the same - and drinks most of it! ?. I have never been put out if people have turned up here empty handed. I just feel glad people want to spend time with us.

kittylester Fri 18-Aug-17 16:31:08

I agree with GD but at Christmas we take something that helps with preparation. I'm the bread sauce queen so it's that and pigs in blankets for us.

When my brother comes here they bring some booze and really extravagant crackers which are really welcome as we would never buy them.

DameJudyClench Fri 18-Aug-17 16:43:27

I feel your pain about fussy eaters OP. My granddaughter is super fussy, but I don't revolve mealtimes around her as it's not fair on other people. I love her dearly, but dread mealtimes too.

As for people turning up empty-handed, I think that's just bad manners. Even a packet of biscuits is better than nothing.

I had a friend whose daughter couldn't eat certain foods, so she used to take her own so that the hosts didn't have to worry about it.

edsnana Fri 18-Aug-17 17:07:54

Thanks for all your replies, was beginning to think I was being a bit old fashioned! Even if the host says no need to bring anything I would still take flowers/chocs or wine. Or after a stay send some flowers. Good to know some of us still have manners!

grannyticktock Fri 18-Aug-17 17:19:31

When I visit DDs and their families, or vice versa, we usually bring something to contribute to mealtimes: wine, homemade cakes or jam, garden produce ... or even just the contents of the fridge! Or perhaps something more personal: a nice print of a family photo, a book to lend or give, some garden seedlings, etc. It's not about the value, it's just about being thoughtful.

Greyduster Fri 18-Aug-17 18:02:59

My biggest nightmare is fussy eaters, though to be fair I haven't entertained many. DH's oldest friend, now sadly deceased, was always a bit of a trial to feed, and my heart used to sink when he started pushing the food round his plate and dissecting it in a most clinical manner (my cooking is not that bad, honest guv!!), even though I had been careful to ask what he would like to eat and how he would like it cooked. It never absolutely passed muster. I would give a lot to have him back now though, along with other friends with whom we used to have the jolliest dinner parties where there was never a scrap of food left at the end.

grannyticktock Fri 18-Aug-17 21:38:46

Oh yes, and the other thing I always end up taking when I visit my daughter is the items they left behind when they last visited me - this time it is a cool bag, a book of piano music and a pair of orange underpants.

Coolgran65 Fri 18-Aug-17 23:58:18

Every Sunday we have 9 for dinner. Two offspring plus wives and DGC. One is always empty handed. The other is completely different, May be emptyhanded on the Sunday but today arrived with 9 large varied roasts for my freezer.

alchemilla Tue 22-Aug-17 13:15:16

I would never go empty-handed but especially not at Christmas. I take along something easy to store and which lasts, so smoked salmon, parma ham - and if staying for more than a couple of days offer to cook a meal.