Other people's parties

I love a party especially if there are cocktails and yummy food and good friends are there. I love getting dressed in evening wear and a bit of a sparkle. I can understand if its one of those corporate events where you don't know anyone and the food is some dried up canapé and warm wine plus you don't know anyone and you have to network ( ghastly). Otherwise, bring on the invites! Plenty of time to sit at home with the cocoa and box sets.

True friends would not want you to suffer through an obligation to them. Don't go if you don't want to and leave the party people to it.

What joy. I'd begun to feel I was morphing in an anti social old B. I've never enjoyed parties, though i did try hard to do so as a younger woman. Small children and now grandchildren enable me to stay home on NYE. I enjoy afternoon tea, lunch or even an occasional meal in or out with a small group of family or friends. I enjoy catering for the odd big family get together. The idea of parties with folk I don't know is not appealing.
Who knew so many of us feel this way

Oh deep joy to find there are others who feel exactly the same as me. I particularly hate gatherings where you find yourself standing up all night, with a drink balanced in one hand and something small to eat in the other whilst simultaneously trying to exude false bonhomie, often with strangers and straining to listen to conversation that aren't interesting. I don't mind sit down dinners, in fact they can be quite enjoyable if you are with people you know well and like. With certain parties I'm damn sure the invites are issued to make up the numbers.

Don't get me started on so called friends who arrange an evening out at a restaurant and then decide to bring another couple known only to them. I can make small talk, before my husband retired, we'd clients to dinner, but I don't want to do it anymore it feels like work again, particularly when you don't click with someone it can ruin the dynamic round the table where often there tends to be several conversations going on. I find myself trying to attach to the most interesting one, sometimes without success because it's just out of range.

I don't like standing around type parties and dread the thought of someone turning to me, in front of a group of people, and saying "And what do you think about it?" or "And what do you do?" I am going hot just thinking about it! BUT I don't mind parties with music and dancing and will be the first on the floor because I love a boogie!!

I also get that feeling of anxiety in my stomach for days in the run up to a do. I avoid if possible. It never usually turns out a bad as I think it will, but great relief when it's over. It helps to think "This time next week/tomorrow it will all be over."

I am one of the small group who loves parties. I enjoy giving them too, but now I'm going to wonder if any of our guests actually want to be here!

Thank you, Calypso8 for this post. It's so reassuring to find others just like me. Family gatherings, a meal with a few friends, a meal with my U3A group are all fine but parties - no thank you. I have a hearing problem and the background noise at a party, even if there's no music playing, means that I cannot hear what anyone says to me, however close they are, another reason for being a non-party goer.

Another one here who loathes parties , now I feel I have earned the privilege to just say thanks but no thanks ! On the other hand I quite like family gatherings especially when there are children there . Very happy to find there are lots more like me , makes me feel less `odd` !

BlueBelle I'll be a member too please!
I've always hated parties, and I refuse to do anything I don't want to at my age. I get bored with inane conversation and I hate getting stuck with someone so I don't like to sit down.
So, I just say no thanks.

I TRULY hated most parties when I was a child, especially the big organised ones.
I remember I might have been about 7 and I wanted to go home so muchfrom a British Legion children's party, I swallowed a mouthful of Harpic and made myself sick (fortunately!)
Do NOT try this at home, kids.

Bluebells
When I moved to the US 5 years ago I only had my daughter and her family. I was invited to all their parties and made a good impression because I was automatically included. After a few seasons of this, I was increasingly aware of the noise, the children being between 8 and 12 (several of them) and their wealthy (well they were by my standards) parents talking so loud and the whole thing getting louder and louder and no one of my generation.....I just stopped going. It takes a long while to make close friends as you get older, but I'm trying and getting there. I now have found 3 really good genuine friends.

I don't mind lunches, ordinary parties etc, what I really dislike are fancy dress parties or murder mystery events. I have gone along so not to upset people. I have decided now though that enough is enough and have told anyone inviting me to one these events that its really not my thing and I won't be coming.

Glad I'm not the only one! I hate parties too! I am sociable in other ways and love having friends for meals /going to theirs or a restaurant But at house parties I feel awkward don't know where to stand worried no one will talk to me or I a boring someone ! just feel it's an effort all the time and a bit strained

Thankyou all for your comments . I,m not alone then , as most have said small gatherings lunches and such are lovely. It is the big party's and unknown people I think that's worse and the fact that a couple of our friends have been upset and yes fallen out over it .

Calypso, I am so pleased you posted this. I too hate parties etc. The Forces put paid to any enjoyment I could possibly have had with compulsory gatherings and false people.. I hated every minute. I now don't 'gather' anywhere and my anxiety has lessened the more years I am away from that lifestyle. Freedom of choice is wonderful. My friendship base is very small but my friends understand and leave open invites, that way I don't feel I have to attend... funnily enough I will go then as I don't feel any pressure. Do what you feel comfortable with, its your life to enjoy too.

If you really don't like parties, then just don't go. These days I do what makes me feel good or happy.

For example, I won't go to family 'get togethers' anymore as some family members just get on my nerves or they are in a 'mood'. So I made a decision and I don't go. If others don't like like it, tough. [GRIN]

I like parties if there is music and dancing or someone playing the piano and people singing.

I don't like sitting/standing in a room trying to make polite conversation.

I used to love work parties.

I'm off to a BBQ/Baby Shower at the weekend. Will be some neighbours & proud "waiting for baby to arrive" parents along with some of their friends. I'm looking forward to it as we'll spread out in the house or garden.

On the other hand I have turned down a Christmas meal with a group I belong to. About 15/20 of our group going but sharing the room with staff from local Hospital. I would find it a difficult to enjoy myself as I can't concentrate/hear properly. My hearing is excellent, recent hearing test showed good results but I find loud music & conversation difficult. I have been like that since my 20s & mostly turn down invitations.

Next year will be DGS2's 1st Birthday, that will be a big Party, I'm usually the one in the kitchen with my rubber gloves or topping the food up.

Oh yes, the dancing! Being pulled out of your seat by some well meaning (or drunk) person. Trying to hang onto the table, but end up almost dragging it with you.. horrific!

Last party I was at , my feet got sore so I collapsed on a sofa and struck up a conversation with a friend of hostess. We had a lot in common and I enjoyed the chat. So if you can't stand at parties sit down!!

I hate weddings for the same reason. Forced to dress up in clothes you wouldn't normally wear, and mingle and talk to people you don't know. And then the dancing!!

Isn't this thread helpful I now feel I m not the weird unsociable woman I thought people would see me as
I like small gatherings, lunches or coffee have some lovely friends and love cinema/theatre trips but big parties with unknown people have always been a big trial but now at last I belong to the GRANSNETTERS NONE PARTYERS. I m a fully paid up member
Love it I belong at last

This thread is a very welcome eye opener for me I can tell you! I have ALWAYS hated parties or large gatherings of any kind including weddings! I never want to offend others though so more often than not I just go! I thought I was weird or something as everyone else seems to be having a wonderful time!

Like other posters, I am not unsociable, love hanging out on a one to one basis or small group and am not shy or feel I have nothing to say etc. I have thrown parties for others (like my daughters 18th or 21st) in my house but I hate going to others!. I just never seem to know which conversation group to 'attach' myself to. As a result I seem to wander about or just stand around listening to others, pouring more and wondering when it is a polite enough time lapse to leave!!!

My worst kinds are actually bbq's. Many of my friends and neighbours seem to be bbq addicts!!! Whilst I love the concept of sitting around on a nice summers day sipping punch or whatever with the smell of charcoal wafting about........ I never seem to enjoy the actual food or the small talk that goes with them! As I said I thought I was very odd, until I read this thread.

Am glad I found this forum

My daughter doesn't do parties. Large groups of noisy people in an enclosed space make her feel so anxious it inevitably sets her back in her fight against EDS. Her good friends and family understand that she isn't anti-social just anti being ill. We continue to invite her to everything and take her answer at face value. In the summer I was particularly heartened that, having said no to our big party, she did pop in for an hour. I live in hope she will gradually find it easier but if she doesn't, so be it. Calypso8, if your friends can't accept your explanation, they are not good friends. However, if it makes you feel any better, even those of us who enjoy parties often experience moments of anxiety but somehow manage to push through it to get to the enjoyable bit.