That us GN's have missed out again!

Morning all. Looks like I'm late reporting for duty, sorry pardon. My excuse is that I was poorly sick over the weekend, but think I am OK now, but where was the medic when I needed her? Now that word has got around about our luxury trip, all and sundry are coming out of the woodwork to join us. I hope Kateykrunch has organised an olympic sized all singing and dancing coach with extra seats, we'll need it. AND I haven't finished restringing my abacus beads yet, the pencil needs sharpening, and the rubbers gone missing. Heavens to murgatroyd, how is a deputy boss supposed to cope with it all. I shall need my own deputy. Please form an orderly queue and don' t all rush at once, I am still a bit fragile and may well fall/ fail, under the pressure. By the way, I am so relieved that KK has said there will be no need for a midwife to deliver babies on this jolly, goodness, you had me worried for a moment Caramac.

I admit I have approached several publishers about producing a book of the trip. However I have been turned down! Vintage Books (publishers of 50 Shades of Grey) told me they thought it would be too racy for them.

I am now considering self publishing. (I am open to bribery to leave certain people out of the final copy)

I have the kitchen liquidise it and then suck it up through a straw. (I believe flies do the same thing). If you do the main and the dessert together, it saves time, so I won't keep the coach waiting if everyone else has finished. ?

OK Greyduster - no problem. But can I ask? - if you take your false teeth out how can you eat your meal?

DanniRae if you are going to look after lost property, please look out for my wig and false teeth. I am always leaving them on the table when we have our meals. Just put them back in my duffle coat pocket, please! I know I am supposed to be the checker of things, but I'm sure it doesn't include my things!

?

lemongrove if you are going to attempt to get me out of bed and dressed by 6 a.m. you had better come armed!!!

I am not a morning person, breakfast should be served no earlier than 8.30 a.m. and trips start at 10.00 a.m. As this is a luxury trip I am assuming there will be coffee delivered to our rooms at around 7.30 a.m. (preferably by a young Brad Pitt lookalike).

PLEASE can I have a role - I am happy to do anything. How about looking after lost property? I'll leave everywhere last and collect up all the stuff left behind - gloves, scarves, glasses, duffle coats etc. I'd be everso grateful.........!!

Am thrilled to be the tour human alarm clock.Will have you all out of bed and dressed by 6 a.m. Sharp, even when no need for it,? After breakfast I shall round you all up for the coach trips with no shilly shallying, because there's always one, isn't there? Who needs the loo yet again or has left her scarf behind.

Trisher, there is no need to worry about Officials, there is only one person in charge and that is ME, this has been made perfectly clear since post 1!
Sunseeker - fabulous idea, you are now the official diarist - the diary will have to go thro censors though to avoid litigation, divorce or prison.
Greyduster, yes you can be the checker of things (am I not so sure you wont be a bringer of things, so really, no chickens, goats or duffle coats). Ok?
Grandma2213, you sound delightful, easy going, happy - you can come.
Caramac - baby delivering not required and your massage skills will not be needed as ITS ALL INCLUDED LUXURY, so just sit back and enjoy. Luckyfour has been seconded to Frivolities, well that was just too big a role for Mancgirl alone as there is going to be so much Frivolity. Now Auntieflo, just a quick thank you, you are doing a stirling job, take the rest of the day off and see you back in post 9 am sharp int morning.

Oh yes Greydustercan't you see the publicity blurb- "Grans uncensored. The true story of what happens when a group of grans are unleashed on the continent" Why else do you think sunseeker wants to be the 'diarist'? She's probably negotiating contracts already.

(Psst! sunseeker - put me down for a copy!)

?REALLY??

I'm getting the impression that there are going to be too many 'officials' on this trip and I will just get them all confused. Can we have a proper list and badges? or I may find myself pouring out my deepest darkest secrets to sunseeker because I think she's some sort of therapist, only to find it all detailed in the book she will no doubt make millions from after the trip

I'm very proud to be appointed official Rounderupperer and General Dogsbody.

Question 1. Am I completely independent when on Roundup apart from being given a list of sheep travellers to chivvy towards the sharra, or am I to be subjected to KatyK whistling at me and bellowing "come by" and such?

Question 2. As a General, should I be saluted at all times, or only when both parties are wearing hats?

Can I be official diarist (is that a word?). I will keep detailed notes of what happens (for those whose memory isn't what is was - especially after the wine tasting sessions ). I promise not to post all the antics on Facebook

Delighted to be the trip medic. Did you mention 100 tubes of Voltarol, Im good at rubbing it into knees. A well known chemist has promised us a bucket full of Senna tablets so we should be able to go soon!

Oh! I'm thrilled to be in charge of frivolities!! LuckyFour as a local lass would you like to help me? We can inject some Northern Soul music onto the playlist. Sorting out the cocktails for arrival. Can someone let me know a date please? So excited

After a great deal of consideration about my lack of talents I have decided you need somebody useless to make the rest of you look even better! I can be herded around easily being very enthusiastic about the scenery and the blue skies and (as I am very much a night bird) admiring the stars. I eat (and drink) anything and never argue (can't be bothered). Please may I come.

I definitely need a trip
Positives
I can deliver a baby should that be necessary
I can provide massages should they be required (but not after drinking wine i.e. Not after 11:00)
I'm struggling now - erm .... I'm quite smiley. Especially after 11:00
Negatives
I'm a bit suspicious of forrin food
I talk a lot
Can be grumpy if no wine available

Can I come please. I'm very happy taking orders as I don't like making decisions on holiday. I am a lancashire lass living in Devon so can sing Worzels songs with a Bolton accent. Can I come?

Kateycrunch- I really don't think Auntieflo should be given the job of counting up. I would be much better for that job as I have a degree in counting. I also have a medal for ballroom dancing and a Czech friend who will teach us some useful swear words. My only fault is that I sometimes tell lies or exaggerate a bit. Please can I come too? If maximum capacity is 45, there are at least 11 more spaces!

Oh go on then. If you need someone to sit on top of the bus making sure that no-one smuggles any goats or chickens aboard, I'm yer gel! Run it past the boss!

Oh, and Greyduster, you are coming aren't you? We can't leave you behind, but with all the talk of Foreign Legions, and hats and muscles and things, and with Kateykrunch shouting at me, I'm all of a tizz wozz, so are you on the list? if so I will have to write an amended report to the boss and tell her I have mucked up the figures. She will not be amused.

Did you want the actual list boss?