To think women are more than just wives, mothers and grandmothers.

Eglantine I expect if a person loses their mother, father and husband/wife in quick succession and has no children they might feel "what is the point of me/life?" Even if a person has a high-flying career, lots of friends and plenty of interests, they might feel similarly bereft.

In my opinion, part of most people's lives involves caring for, and being cared for by, people who are close to them. It must be pretty devastating to lose three of the most important and much-loved people in your life within a short space of time.

Hopefully your friend feels differently now.

Eglantine21 I started to nswer that question with "Yes. Lots of people." This caused much consternation for some people who immediately associated it with promiscuity (and often tried to find out more) The brighter ones realised I was taking the question literally.

At any point in my life, I am the sum of my years alive. My existence means different things to the people in my life - past and present. At the end I hope someone will miss me and look back on me with fond memories. That's all.

Are you seeing anyone, Trisher?

MissAdventure, didn't someone say "Don't call me Miss. I haven't missed anything!"
Ilovecheese

An (imaginary) question
"So, now that you've won the Nobel Prize, are you going to settle down and give me some grandchildren to be proud of?"

Ah, yes! I'm always being asked if I've "settled down" yet. I settled down years ago, and am probably the most staid person I know. My idea of a good time is having a cheese sandwich and a cup of tea.
What is really meant is, do I have a husband or partner.

Eglantine21 Those questions are so accurate-scarey
.
Can I add one for after a divorce.
"Are you seeing anyone yet?" (because you need a new husband or you'll seem weird)

When out with friends, we rarely discuss grandchildren and perhaps become more ourselves.

I understand your point trisher and like your post Eloethan
Women are more celebrated for being home makers and carers than say, the chairman of Goldman Sachs.
However, when it comes down to the nitty gritty, what could be better than a caring role to be remembered by? I am a Mother who loves all her AC and the DGC and am content to be thought of in that way in the future.
I think as time goes on, that women will be remembered more for the jobs they did though, as they break into ever more ‘men only’ professions.

For example:

Hello. Married yet? Oh dear, I couldn't live without (insert name)

Hello. Sorry about your husband. If it was me I couldn't go on.

Do you have grandchildren? No?! mine are what keep me going

Sorry about your grandchild. Makes you wonder what the point is.

I remember comforting a friend who had lost her father, mother and husband in quick succession. She had no children. All she could say was "What is the point of me?"
She was worth just as much as someone who still had family.

Sorry Annie , that came across as if I was asking you and I really meant it as a rhetorical question.
Many apologies.

I meant that too gilly. People don't actually discriminate in their comments on the pointlessness of someone's life whether it's loss or non existence.

Reading the above posts, I think most of us would be defined as caring people. That suits me fine.

I haven't worked, in the conventional sense since I was 21 but I have been the mainstay for my family both immediate and the wider one. I have always volunteered in one way or another, stepped into the breach when DH was let down by his staff and generally kept the show on the road. That's me.

I had a husband who became a problem. I divorced him. I have two children, both now in their 40s, married with good jobs. I have 2 grandchildren who I hear a lot about but don't see often because they live the other side of the country.
They do not need me now. Doesn't mean they don't want me but I am me most of the time. I have had a new partner for more than a decade, he is accepted by the family.
I am not a wife, my mothering days are past and I am only a part-time grandmother. I am me.

I'm not sure its the same thing though Eglantine21.

To have never had a wife/husband/sister/brother/child.... whatever,

is not the same as having had them and loved them and then for them to be taken away from you.

I suppose it worries me that it's a short step from "without my family life wouldn't be worth living" to "those who dont have a husband, children, grandchildren don't have a life worth living"
Anyone who lacks any one of those three will relate to the pitying patronage that accompanies that admission from those who have achieved what matters!

My family - even the memories of those who have died, some many years ago - is a very important part of my life. Even though I have several interests, I very much enjoy the company of my children and grandchildren, and my life would definitely change for the worse if they were not around. If anything were to happen to any of them, I would be absolutely devastated but I hope I would try - for my own sake and for the sake of those around me - to eventually return to some sort of normality.

I don't suppose many people want the media or other people to define them in terms of their family but I think that is probably a broader issue relating to the role of women in society. I expect that for many men - though perhaps not all - their families are very important to them also but they are rarely "defined" as fathers, grandfathers, etc.

I expect some of us, including myself throughout most of my working life, have not done jobs that are especially valuable to society or noteworthy. Speaking personally, it is difficult to look back on a fairly mundane job and feel much satisfaction.

And who said you should feel guilty loopy and why ask me ?

I think my DC are defined both by their careers and by their relationships within the family and I hope that my DGC will have fulfilling lives too.

But as the end of my life, what will matter to me the most will be my family, those who have gone before me and those who I will be leaving behind

I feel the same as janea - my working life is behind me and I hope that I helped to make a contribution, however tiny, to make the world a better place.
Now in retirement I have hobbies, holidays and I hope an enquiring mind but what matters most to me is family (including those who went before whom I am tracing through genealogy).

I think I feel like this because I grew up very much as an only child as my brother and sister were much older.
And I think my family like the fact that I have interests of my own.
And yes, Annie, I am very very fortunate and I hope that I am never put to that test.
And why should I feel guilty for saying I have an identity of my own apart from my family?

I can honestly say that if my family (small as it is) "all fell away" loopyloo I would no longer be "me" in any way, shape or form. In fact even just thinking about it makes me quite upset.
I have to agree with you gillybob. Maybe many years ago, it is very slightly possible that as a much younger woman I would have been able to carve out a life for myself if my family were suddenly no longer here. But now, at my age, I think I would not only find this extremely difficult, but I can't imagine I would have the emotional strength. Life would, sadly, be no longer worth living.

I can honestly say that if my family (small as it is) "all fell away" loopyloo I would no longer be "me" in any way, shape or form. In fact even just thinking about it makes me quite upset.

The title of the thread reminded me of a bugbear of mine - the way newspapers, when reporting on a woman, tend to headline the article with the words 'mother' or 'grandmother', as if a woman cannot be just that, a woman, in her own right. While they also sometimes do the male equivalent when reporting on men, it seems to me that they do it to us women far more frequently.