In thinking many modern parents take the easy way out

Bridgeit
that woman have careers which they must maintain & pursue ,which is their choice, but why have children if you don't want to at least have some quality time with them .
Would you ask a man the same thing? And if not, why not!

Bridgeit who says they dont have quality time ? Or that the only way to "make memories" is by making costumes ...certainly costumes were never a huge part of our lives and we have brilliant memories of our children when they were small .We also have amassive amount of photographs as "evidence" though they are not necessary to remind us .Calling young mums CBA ..because they dont fit someone else's idea of what family life is ...is just wrong.I went back to work when my D was 8 DAYS old ..she came with me...as I was self employed there wasn't an alterbative ,and we.both she and I have never regretted it .We have a great relationship.I feel very strongly about the criticism of young women who are trying their best ...despite what you or the other grans think

I also had children in the 70s , I didn't have a career, but I did do 5 part time jobs, but was lucky enough to fit them in during school hours, although I did & do have a brain , I was not adverse to doing cleaning jobs, & other jobs that perhaps some of the present generation may not want to do. It sometimes comes across in the media that woman have careers which they must maintain & pursue ,which is their choice, but why have children if you don't want to at least have some quality time with them .

I think in most households it is Trisher your son is a rarity.Things haven't changed much over the decades so most child related stuff is still the mums job .At least for families I know

Would I have to join the "old grannies"? I'm 72.
Just thought let's not forget the cntribution dads make. My DS is a dab hand with a needle, everything from mending torn tutus and Frozen car pillows to making cushions and curtains. Dressing up isn't just a mum's job.

You can be an old Granny of very young DGC (and youngish DC too!)

paddyann I would say you are an 'inbetweener'

KIRBYGIRLI'm 64 not a young granny by any means

My sewing machine is still out - I bet as soon as I put it away there will be a request 'please, Granny, could you make .... '

Yes, some of it could be fun - as long as the request didn't come the night before at about 7pm - 'oh, by the way, Mum'

I've been on both sides of this. My DSs' school asking for costumesand the school where I taught asking mums for costumes. I did like being creative sometimes. DSs still remember the Ghostbuster outfits made from a cardboard box, a length of hose and a plastic bottle! When I was teaching I tried to keep a collection of stuff I could use for kids whose mums hadn't managed (or hadn't been told about) a costume. But I think mums today are entitled to do what they want and if they have the time and the skill to make their own costume that's fine, but so is picking up something from a shop. Being a mum has always been hard work, any way you choose to make it easier has to be a bonus.

What would be classed as a 'really oldie' I wonder?

Think there should be two Gransnets, one for us really oldies and another for the young one's who seem to be the same age as my children! Then we wouldn't upset each other.

Oh - yummy mummies

I wish I had been one

",just frazzled women trying to juggle their priorities.'
Yes Paddyann!"
Me too!

Most schools are like that these days, they like to get the parents involved as much as possible. It's not new.

Coming up to Christmas it's always been like this, I've not known any different so to say parents these days cba because they aren't sat making costumes isn't fair because we are busy with the things that wasn't about way back when.

And the emails we get from schools, we often get the letters aswell which usually contradict the emails.

'My kids were born in the 70's and 80's and I didn't know ANY stay at home mums ,just frazzled women trying to juggle their priorities.'
Yes Paddyann!

Also. Never have I ever called myself a yummy mummy

Something that always annoys me is the casual media assumption that today's grandmothers were all sahms. Like others I had my children in the early 70s.

There were none of the child care facilities that are available now, especially for the under 5s. No nurseries, Playgroup 3 mornings a week if you could afford it. Many of us moved well away from family so could not look to family for help with childcare. Nevertheless, it didn't stop most of us working. I went back to work part time when my DD was 4 and full time when she was 9

I juggled work and childcare and, for two years, a day release course as well with little or no childcare help at all except DH, who was also working. I was fortunate to have a flexible job and an understanding manager for the first 5 years, which helped enormously.

I'm another poster who had children in the early 70's and 80's. I was a so called sahm for 2years, during which I typed the evenings away to make some necessary cash. I dislike attempts to set one generation of women against another.

Interestingly, no one has mentioned the levels of depression, anxiety and isolation amongst sahm's in the golden years. Prescriptions for valium led to addiction amongst many women I seem to recall. I'm not criticising women/men who are happy and can afford to be sahp's but it wasn't all happy days for many people or their children.

My kids were born in the 70's and 80's and I didn't know ANY stay at home mums ,just frazzled women trying to juggle their priorities...just like you.

Yes, my experience too. Life was a frazzled blur most of the time. Many of my friends were working mothers too. I think we were the generation most scorned for going out to work - as if we were somehow not prioritising our children. The truth was working paid for us to get the roof repaired (not have a damp house) and allowed us to run the central heating (keep it reasonably warm.) Going to work wasn't about choice. It was about necessity and having funds. My children didn't suffer as I feared they might. They are well adjusted adults and we are close.

Wow Violetfloss! That school has so many extra curricular activities! I think unreasonable demands are being made of parents . There are only so many hours in the day.

I used to hate Book Days when mine had to dress up as a character from a book. They were all at the same primary school so deciding on and creating costumes for them all was a real headache (and I secretly loathed the Head Teacher for getting the kids to do SO MUCH that involved parents.) "Just teach 'em!" I used to think, but only because I was permanently shattered and being asked to make yet more effort.

My GD has dance classes and the club regularly puts on shows. They are extravaganzas really and hundreds of very professional costumes are made when they perform at a local theatre. Throughout the year parents pay into a costume fund as well as paying fees and then their little ones are turned out beautifully at showtime. The costumes are made by a team of volunteers and the dance teachers, so there is no last minute pressure on parents.

Given schools seem to do so much these days which requires dressing up, (why???) perhaps it's time a small 'costume fee' was required from parents. The school could organise its own team of volunteer costume makers. They'd need a wardrobe room, but over the years the stock of costumes would build up and could be re-used/adapted.

It would save parents time, money and pressure.

Violetfloss its an age thing,things always look different/better when seen from a distance.Memories become scewed and people see things in a very different way than they did at the time .My kids were born in the 70's and 80's and I didn't know ANY stay at home mums ,just frazzled women trying to juggle their priorities...just like you.I'm sure you're doing a grand job ,dont let the rose tinted specs brigade get you down .Maybe you ...and I will get like that someday .

Not meaning to be rude Violet, but impressed you've got time for us old Grannies as well !

Blimey Violetfloss ... whatever school do your kids go to? My Ds aren't run half as ragged as you. And you've only got TWO I would suggest you get off the treadmill asap. Which one of the Yummy mummies from 'Motherland' are you ....?

Not too thrilled about the reference to the “soft southern end of the country”, where I have lived and brought up my children, making clothes, toys and costumes for plays and dance displays, while working and running the home. Fortunately for me, my children are appreciative of all my efforts. Beware rash generalisations.

You've presumed a fair bit. As a modern parent with 2 children at school I can promise you, we don't have it easy either. Let me share what im upto..

In the next few weeks we have a play, 2 Carol concerts (for both children on the same day and different times), a nativity play, a film night, a disco, Christmas jumper day, a book share, the Christmas fayre and letters to Santa, I need to send in glue, cardboard boxes for 1 child, joggers for another, I need to order both of their Christmas dinners and pay for them by a certain date then they break up at lunch time.
Not to mention all the Christmas 'bits' we want to do on a weekend when they are off.

That doesn't include parents evening, muffty day, school trips (for both kids, and paying for them too, sometimes £20 a time, each) other book shares, afternoons parents are invited in, red nose day, children in need, world book day (both need costumes and money for that) random discos, days when they are baking, after school clubs, homework, school projects and so on.

That's just at school. Not the stuff we manage to do outside of school with the children.

Cba? If bloody only

My Mum was a good dressmaker but I only remember her making costumers for Girls Brigade, not school. I don't remember making any costumes for my boys school. My DGDs mother doesn't make or buy costumes. The kids have a lot of non uniform days but dressing up for specific occasions is apparently optional.
I can sew but have no imagination how to make up things from any oddments at home. I help with homework now but when it's art and we have to find appropriate items to make something, I end up going shopping. It's lack of imagination rather than lack of money or time for me.

I think I was/am a bit sad that some parents (not all, before some of you jump down my throat) are not 'making memories'. I dislike the way that expression is associated with Facebook 'yummy mummies' but can't think of a better phrase at the mo. Memories can bring families together especially at this time of year ...... and yes I do know not everyone has happy childhood memories. ...... but I recall an evening last year only a few months after DH had died,DD brought out the family photo albums. There were lots of her and her sister clad in dressing gowns and tea cloths for the dreaded school nativities (neither of them ever got to be the Virgin Mary which produced tears and tantrums). Also,which I admit I have only vague recollections, seemingly endless school fancy dress competitions. DD2 looked at her 7 year-old self dressed as Sherlock Holmes and said 'OFGS...... I'm wearing Dad's deer stalker hat, a cape made out of one of your old tweed skirts and Grandad's pipe! I won't mention what she said about being a Jack-in the - Box the next year, except she did say I would probably be reported for being racist. We laughed a lot, DDs, GCs and me, we cried a little, at those bittersweet memories. They are the things you can't throw cash at .
And I'm sorry Monica, but when you saw those £5 Christmas outfits in Poundland did you spare a thought for the sweatshop workers who had made them?