What would you do

jefm you are being treated horribly IMHO by this son.
How could he hand over presents for others and not for you?
Has he always done this, or just the last year?
I would not be buying a present for him in future, but of course, yes for the DGC.
Time for all Grandparents and Parents to make a stand about being treated as doormats!

This is very hurtful I would be inclined to make a tongue in cheek remark next presents are handed over for others ' and nothing for Grand-ma?' Or something along those lines.

Thank you for your kind messages. Yes I have a wonderful relationship with my younger son and his girlfriend. He was outraged as he expressed it! But he has intervened in the past to try to make things better with my DIL but nothing seems to help. I have a reasonable relationship with my older son given the situation which is why it hurts so much. I am too sentimental to say I don't need anything as to me it's about the thought and the giving so anything wrapped in a little parcel would do! I think the majority of you suggest it's probably not worth bringing up. Thanks everyone for the flowers ?And the wine!

Please accept the kindness that your son did bother to come and visit you with the kids.

You gave money willingly to help them, and the kids.

Please do not go over past grievances, life is too short.

In my mind it was only yesterday my gran kids were born, and I hope to see them occasionally as their hectic life
allows.

Enjoy Christmas with a phone call to all.

The gift of a call surely would suffice

It's hurtful, insensitive and thoughtless. They could have gone to a shop and bought you a Christmas cake or something if they are too busy to look for presents.

Could it be because, at some time in the past, you have commented in general conversation that you don't need things and your DS has taken this literally? I'm clutching at straws, I know, but it could explain it. If the present-giving only stopped a couple of years ago, it would seem that something must have prompted it, however inadvertently.

Lucky girl we can all do with nice things for the bath etc.
What an insensitive pair your DS & DIL are.
Like the other posters I don’t know what the right response should be that won’t stir up trouble. I know that when I’ve said things in the past I have wished that I hadn’t.
I presume your other son will be buying a present for you.
I don’t know what sort of relationship you have with him but if it’s good then perhaps you could mention it?
Hope things get better and you have a lovely Christmas.

I can also understand the hurt and am as confused as you probably are that gifts were given to other family members. If you think you could speak calmly and in an interested rather than cross way to your son once Christmas is over and done with it might be worth a try, but you may just be told a decision has been made not to give you a gift which would hurt again. Is it just Christmas or are birthday gifts not suggested either? It does sound odd but please try not to let it spoil your memoryof their visit and a relaxing Christmas time.

I think we can all understand you feel hurt, and would feel the same as you. I hope you have a better relationship with your other son and could perhaps mention how disappointed you are to him. He may be able to throw some light on this.

and
or if you don't drink wine

I would be hurt too. Children are usually so eager to do their 'Christmas shopping' and buy small presents for family members and it is nice to encourage them to do that and think of others.

You have every right to feel hurt. I would feel the same. The mind boggles it really does.

Oh, I would be very hurt. How can they have decided to not only visit empty handed, but not to even discuss it?
I'm not sure what the right response should be, but I do hope you can feel less hurt.

I don’t think there is anything you can do to make things better. Talking to your son might make things worse, although I would do that. You’ve not got much to lose and they might need you before you need them (financially).
Sending you virtual hugs. Enjoy Christmas with your other son, if you can.

How sad for you. It must feel hurtful.

But TBH I have a problem when anyone asks me what I would like for a present, as I feel that at my age I have everything I want or need - maybe they think that you probably have everything you need. I know that after we moved home a year ago we became less interested in "things" - just more clutter!

I think I would stop lending them money frankly! These situations are so difficult, and there is often little to be done without risking making things worse. Are you able to have a good Christmas with your other son? - I do hope so.