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(18 Posts)
dragonfly46 Wed 31-Jan-18 11:09:14

A telling moment today at coffee, I asked my husband when was the last time anybody did anything for me and he could not answer or look me in the eye!

Nonnie Wed 31-Jan-18 11:12:28

You are not alone. I am the strong one in our family with the result that everyone expects more of me than of DH. When he does something stupid or forgetful they smile as they would to a small child, when I get something wrong they don't! They always assume I will cope no matter what.

MaluCatchu1 Wed 31-Jan-18 11:48:28

My DD buys me small gifts and if I ever dare ask for a little "favour" she reminds me (loudly) of the latest purchase. My family run me ragged and I do anything and everything for them but nope, nothing in return, although if I ask them the question they are incredulous at the idea that they actually do nothing for me. I really cannot remember the last time anyone just DID something for ME without me having to ask, beg or cajole! Now you've got me thinking!

Luckygirl Wed 31-Jan-18 14:20:58

Maybe you could try asking them to do things for you - I am about to ask DD and DGS to help me shift the logs to the log store!

Seaside22 Wed 31-Jan-18 15:43:50

Well well how very thought provoking, got me thinking, and I can't actually remember anybody doing anything for me, how sad is that.I did ask my husband the other day if he mind making me a coffee, as he had the day off, and I was working , he made it too sweet and strong.Maybe it's my fault for not asking more.

kittylester Wed 31-Jan-18 15:47:50

This has me slightly baffled. Do you mean absolutely nothing? What things do you do for them? Serious question.

dragonfly46 Wed 31-Jan-18 16:49:28

Kittylester there are too many things to mention but what brought this on was that I have recently had both my parents in hospital. They are 96 and 97. They are both out now and back in the care home up the road but my dad's health has greatly deteriorated since then. Meanwhile I drove 100 miles to pick up my daughter's dog as she is going away for the weekend. Without asking she also booked to go away the weekend after thinking I could keep the dog. Normally this would not be a problem but my son and his wife, child and two cats had arranged to come up that weekend and they will not allow the dog in the house with the cats. I have had to tell my daughter that I cannot keep the dog the extra weekend as my son's arrangement had been made before hers. She now thinks I love him more than her, nothing new! Meanwhile my husband has told me we have run out of bread and milk. It does not occur to him to go to the shop and buy it himself, nor does it occur to him to visit my parents or get involved with disputes with our children. I seem to be the one who gives all the time and I cannot remember when any of them made me a coffee, cooked me a meal etc. They are just small things but it all came to a head today.

Eglantine21 Wed 31-Jan-18 16:53:08

Did you tell him to go to the shop or did you nod and go?

kittylester Wed 31-Jan-18 16:54:17

Crikey. dragonfly, I'm not surprised. Could you at least suggest a take away of some sort - picked up by your husband? flowers

dragonfly46 Wed 31-Jan-18 16:55:40

I did mention it but nothing happened. You cant tell my husband anything - he is very stubborn. I used to be able to get him to do things he didn't want to when we were younger but he was quite ill a couple of years ago and has trenched himself in and hates going out alone

Eglantine21 Wed 31-Jan-18 16:58:23

Then Im afraid there just wouldn't be any bread and milk in my house. Did you go and get it, did you?!

dragonfly46 Wed 31-Jan-18 17:00:27

Eglantine21 He had to do without yesterday but I made him come with me today to get the shopping in! It was while were out drinking coffee I asked the question and he felt so guilty he couldn't look me in the eye.

Eglantine21 Wed 31-Jan-18 17:07:52

Oh dear. Is now the moment to start change, do you think? You could sit down right now and say "Makeme a cup of tea." You can add please if you want but I wouldn't. I would say thank you, when it arrived.

MissAdventure Wed 31-Jan-18 17:13:20

I'd stop off in a cafe whilst I was running around after everyone, and have a nice lunch with a milk coffee.

dragonfly46 Wed 31-Jan-18 17:13:36

Ha ha unfortunately he doesn't drink tea but I forgot to say he does pour me a glass of wine every night. He is not all bad, neither are the children, they are just in the habit of leaving everything to me. I suppose I only have myself to blame though as I have been the capable one for over 50 years. I think we are both too old to change the habits of a lifetime. I am just really upset about things at the moment but hopefully that will pass.

Cherrytree59 Wed 31-Jan-18 17:17:21

We are officially known as the sandwich generation
I would actually say the club sandwich generation.
Elderly Parents
Our children
Grandchildren (even DGGC in some cases)
Then there us sandwiched in between trying to help all generations hmm

dragonfly46 Wed 31-Jan-18 17:22:08

That is so true Cherrytree59 and it is exhausting especially as I am now 71 myself and regarded as elderly.

kittylester Wed 31-Jan-18 17:27:17

Who dares to regard you as elderly dragonfly? With all you do.

I say we are the club sandwich generation too!