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dodgy cleaner

(17 Posts)
busybee6969 Sun 11-Feb-18 11:51:57

so mum died, dad met disabled lady few weeks later,we warned him it was too soon,he ended up being like a slave for few years to her in her last year they got a cleaner once a week no problem ,then cleaner started popping round more often , for meals borrowing tools etc.i was not made to feel welcome by old lady for more than a ten minute visit im only daughter,my dad was under thumb did as he was told.old lady died end last year. cleaner now visits 4 to 5 days a week for dinner staying from 7 or 8 in morning cleaning one day at dads and one day over road from him, eats/drinks all day .watches tv/leaves her knitting/book/glasses/slippers there ready for next visit.cleaners own family have nothing to do with her so if she is that amazing why treated me to a new car end last week said he was going to buy cleaner a new one as well, i hit the roof she ended up with my old one worth £4500.her old car was on finance think dad paid off that balance as well,all i hear is she is il with stress and depression never seen any one that well eat so much talk so much know something about every subject you mention her way or no way.he should feed his dog this food , buy this make of what ever.dont trust her very upset he is being led so easily by her, none of dads neighbours like or trust her having met her its not just me.he wont have a word said against her,any hints or tips sorry for long post thank you

glammanana Sun 11-Feb-18 12:11:05

I do think you need to take this woman to one side and ask her just what she does for you darling dad during the time she is there in the house I would make a list of what needs doing over a few days and tell her she is not needed at other times,let her know you are watching her movements carefully.
Can you involve SS at all to check your dad is not entitled to their help in anyway.Can you take charge of his finances for him and work him out a weekly budget from the bank as I bet she knows his bank details.
Do cleaners need to be registered (HRB check) or not I'm not sure.Can you find out who she worked for previously ?and try and get references.
Speak to the other client she cleans for opposite and see what they say about her it sounds as though she is taking advantage of your dad, but I may be totally wrong.

MissAdventure Sun 11-Feb-18 12:12:54

If your dad is in sound mind, I would say there is little you can do. You can't choose who he is friends with, and it sounds as if the arrangement is based more on friendship than a business arrangement.

Anniebach Sun 11-Feb-18 12:25:20

You didn't like your father's second wife now you don't like this woman who it seems is regarded as a friend , are you Jealous of any woman in your life? You call his second wife old lady

Anniebach Sun 11-Feb-18 12:26:09

Sorry meant in your father's life

Nanabilly Sun 11-Feb-18 12:41:29

If it makes your dad happy to have this lady around and your dad is of sound mind then it's actually none of your business , he can spend his money , and remember it is HIS MONEY NOT YOURS, he can spend it how and on who he wants to.
If he is not of sound mind ie dementia type illness where he is completely unable to make decisions about himself and for himself then you may need to step in .
I can understand your concerns but your post does seem to come across as a little bossy and controlling and a bit nasty too.

busybee6969 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:23:35

she wasnt his second wife just met on internet and moved in for company, then ended up sitting in a chair all day while dad cooked etc drove her ever where dads friends stopped coming round some he had know 60 years there were made to feel unwelcome,cleaner lets herself in while dads in bed about 7am , then just sits there apart from day she is ment to clean ,which she drags out all day ment to be 3 hours hooves up stairs then sits for an hour watching then cooks her dinner dishes it out washes up after her cleares her plate/bowl while she watches tv.told him last week one of his old friend had a blood clot in his leg before i could finish sentence she piped up she had one in her lung yearxxx month xxx treatment xxx. i had a filling at dentist no problem no big deal she had 2 last week it was terrible whole 15 minute conversation xxxxx/my friends going through chemo she never complains this cleaner only coughs once and she seems to be coming down with a chest infection, week before xmas she was very ill flu type thing sat at dads whole time he ended up whole of xmas/newyear with aussie flu he his breathing problems could of done without that .

busybee6969 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:27:34

not at all love my dad im very independant nearly died with shock when he bought me a car never had anything similar of him always paid my way. i visit every day take food/magazines beer ,all cleaner does is eat and drink it never fetches a thing.he always pays when he takes here and her husband out for a meal.nieghbours in street have known my dad over 50 years they are very worried about cleaner being there so much,all have met her , so they cant all be terrible/etc.i get out of my car when i visit somebody comes over to me most visits from neighbours saying they dont know what to say or do to help,

annodomini Sun 11-Feb-18 13:27:36

It would be churlish to imply that he can't manage his finances when he has bought you a new car! But he did listen to you when he decided against getting one for the cleaner. By all means let her know that you have your eye on her, but don't risk alienating your father.

busybee6969 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:33:20

working couple opposite dad dont really see cleaner much both at work while she cleans she always jokes its easier that way fly round and say she is doing 3 hours cleaning,she had moved house rented about 4 times in 2 years that makes me wonder a bit.just keeping my eye on her.but dads not been well waiting for a pacemaker to be fitted,i tried to take him out for dinner last week giving him 3 days notice he said what would cleaner do for her dinner you cant print my answer.she has just taken on a new lady to clean for she just says she is very old very disabled with no family ,,,,,private cleaners dont know if they need checks off police etc,

Anniebach Sun 11-Feb-18 13:37:02

Who has taken on a new cleaner?

busybee6969 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:40:46

i was so shocked when he bought me a car i tried to talik him out of it,then in his next breathe he said he was going to buy the cleaner one because she will still visit him if he treats her his words not mine.any way she ended up with my old one,still very good car low mileage,i am a very trusting person will talk to anyone very rarely think bad of anyone , but really think my dad is being taken advantage off. she goes on about her bad hands very painful then sits for an hour knitting/ on his tablet/laptop, then says he will have to get up to put ice cream on their desert because her hands are so sore,

busybee6969 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:46:59

she has found another old lady to clean for 3 hours a week in another town ,also i keep telling dad to not leave paperwork on show bank stuff etc because she is very noisy. yesterday she was on about house she cleans opposite dads how they left their pet insurance letter out how she cant believe they pay xxx amount for 2 dogs and a cat.her friend is on DLA benefit i have interest in how much lady gets etc but she loves to gossip about stuff, my hubby needs a little operation soon he nmade me promise not to talk about it while at dads in his words everyone will know his private stuff if cleaner hears about it .i suffer with depression etc and have poor memory , but cleaner is ment to be so ill with stress/depression she can tell you dates/figures off the top of hear going back years .

busybee6969 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:52:37

dad is very forgetful ,i say what day is he at doctors etc he really cant remember , he has missed vets appointment for his dog twice this year already got him a big calender for xmas ,so am worried his mind is going a bit,talk to him each night on phone and visit each day, that evening i ask what has he had for his tea he forgets somedays .he had a mental breakdown years ago and then we lost my sister aged 31 to cancer, then mum at 69 to cancer he has had cancer also ok now. i have a low grade type of cancer ,so know alot about people being ill thats why i get mad when cleaner moans about slightest cough/

MissAdventure Sun 11-Feb-18 14:06:23

I can understand why yours worried that your dad is vulnerable to being taken advantage of, now you've posted a bit more.
Tricky situation though. I don't know what can be done.

FarNorth Sun 11-Feb-18 14:08:20

I don't always remember what I had for lunch or tea, but I don't have dementia.
If you think there are other signs of dementia, try to get your dad checked out at the doctor's.
If he's in sound mind, you can't do anything other than give him your opinions and leave it to him to decide how to run his own life.

Do you ever see your dad without his friend being there? If not, can you arrange to do that? That doesn't seem unreasonable.
Also, remind him about appointments that are on his calendar.

busybee6969 Sun 11-Feb-18 16:11:42

thank you will check his calendar each day when i visit to remind him whats coming up, but he forgets what day it is, hard to find a time when cleaner is not there.see arrives very early and usually stays till 3pm he then walks his old dog.if i try and go a day i think she is doing another cleaning job odd day she has changed her days so i end up seeing her again.seeing her eat a big home cooked meal the workd prepared by dad cooked by dad washed up by dad paid for by dad,she is in and out of the fridge having can after can of diet coke he has one can a day in evening with his rum he know buys big 30 packs because she drinks so much of it.she is off work on sick with several pay in hand jobs, getting her rent paid and council tax,eating usually 5 main meals a week at dads,driving a good car off dad,not much expensive to lay out for her, keeping warm at dads warm house.properley better off than most of us but still makes comments like just about affording a bit of shopping on way home , like she is down to her last £10