Paternal Nannie

I guess it's the maternal/Paternal grand parent hot potato subject. I booked a lodge, as in cottage. With the aim of being around if needed.My concern was that the hospital for them is a further 50 mins drive on top of the 35 mins drive for us to be there to look after the little boy. I am very grateful I can visit weekly, but do feelenvious that in 4 years have only been out for 2 family outings.Whereas other granny,who lives near does the nursery run, and sees grandson several times a week, little outings to MacDonald etcetera. At birthday parties she simply takes child out of room ..even if he is talking to me! So I was hoping that for one week I could maybe pick him up from nursery and drop him off to mummy. DIL won't upset her Mum. Son won't upset DIL.

I was on call when DGS2 was due.
DD rang me about 6 on Saturday evening to warn me not to have a glass of wine as she thought things might be happening. They live 75 miles/90 minutes away (given a clear M1 and M6)
So off I went and arrived to find them watching Strictly, DD on her “birthing ball”.
Not a lot happened that night despite a warm bath and the next morning they went off to the Women’s Hispital for reassurance. They spent the morning there, then came home after lunch and we all went for a walk around the. Botanical Gardens with DGS1 (and DD and her TENS machine,) stopping every 10 minutes or so for contractions. Cup of tea in the cafe and then I took DGS home to theirs and they went back to the hospital. DGS2 was born late Sunday night, a good 40 hours after “things” had started happening.
So I think you’ll be quite safe 35 minutes away.
Good luck, hope it all goes smoothly

All seven of my grandkids were born and lived overseas
Two have returned to my town as their daddy died so I see lots of them for the last few years but in the first five years it was visits a few times a year and for two of them only every few years So yes you are very lucky and blessed to be half an hour away
Enjoy what you are offered it doesn’t last long all mine are teens now and I hardly see them (just as it should be)

I know that your heart is really in the right place but I think you have panicked and overwhelmed your DIL by talking about booking hotels.

Their expectation was having you on-call - only 35 minutes away - to pick up GS if needed. But talking hotels means (in their minds) that you are planning to camp at their house "waiting" as you would not be spending all day sitting in a hotel room would you? I think that many pregnant women just want a bit of space and peace in late pregnancy/early labour without having the stress of guests in their house that expect conversation and catering.

I think the best thing to do is to revert to the original plan and assure them that you are at home and available should they need help with your GC.

thomsnannie2 I know your heart was in the right place, I hope you didn’t think I was being critical of you. I was just trying to put myself in your daughters shoes, I hope I haven’t offended you.

Regards to being close when labour starts, I understand your desire to be nearby, but I think we tend to forget how long (in the vast, vast majority of cases) the early stage of labour labour is. I know I did, it was only when dil had my dgs that I remembered the hours of contractions every 20-30 minutes at the start of labour. Even from your home you’ll have plenty of time to get there, don’t worry.

Maybe let her know you’ll be available from your house if she needs you. It takes the pressure off her slightly if she wants to be alone. But she might really appreciate your company, especially if she’s a little anxious.

Thank you for all comments. The reason I booked a lodge was so that I would be available to pick up grandson without being under mummies feet at her home. I reasoned that it was better to be around the corner if Labour began than 35 minutes away. I am very lucky to be in position to visit weekly, guess a little envious of other n
Granny doing the day to day things with mummy. Thanks again,

Sorry pressed post too soon!

Have you considered offering to help but stay at your own house? Are your son and dil concerned that if you stay at the local hotel you’ll expect to by at their home with them and their new baby all day?

You see your grandchild every week, you are so involved, and are going to be a much loved Nannie. Please don’t worry.

Does your dil know how much it means to you to go out somewhere? Does she think that by letting you come to the house, (where you can have the child’s full attention) you are going to enjoy it more than a soft play (where the child is likely to run off and do his own thing)

Try not to worry, and good luck for your families new arrival

Please, please don’t take this to heart. My dil had my first dgc last year, both me & her mother expected to be ‘needed’, but we never really were. It’s so hard isn’t it? I desperately wanted to help take care of him, but dil took to motherhood like a duck to water. I remember friends saying how their d’s/dil’s had been the same, declined help, then within a couple of weeks were asking their mum’s/mil’s to be more involved. My dil managed with no real ‘help’ from either of us. We are both made welcome and are included, but we are both very much grandparents that visit every week. I was sad at first,but have built up a wondrful realionship with my grandson.

Parents today are (very rightly in my opinion) urged to keep any other children at home with them when the new baby arrives.

The advice I was given by midwives etc when the arrival of number two was imminent (a year after number one arrived) was that immediately when number two arrived, it was crucial to keep number one at home with the newborn as much as possible to prevent the elder feeling 'replaced'. Kept together and the elder encouraged to help as much as they are able is I believe the standard advice. It's probable that this mum has had the same advice.

The advice has been reiterated to me now that number three is in the oven, but I notice third time around the midwives seem to assume rather more that I've figured motherhood out more

Mine don't go to nursery so they will be with "their baby" (yes, they have laid claim) 24/7 when they arrive in any case.

I was handed over to granny for a couple of weeks after my brother arrived and it was a singularly miserable experience. I didn't feel like it was 'special time', I felt like my mother in particular could not be bothered with me any more and it was a hard adjustment when I evetually began spending my waking hours back at home.

There have been so many threads on this subject of paternal grandparents. The conclusions have mostly been based on ' your son is your son 'till he gets him a wife' , and of course your DiL will be closer to her own parents.
We grandparents no. 2 must take that on board. It does not mean that our DS, DiL and GCs love us any the less. It is just a different relationship, and frankly reading the posts from estranged GPS, youshould be thankful

Most of us have suffered this sort of gran situation at one time or another, first your helping, then your not, quite often the family feel good about not having to use you in the end when you have been looking forward to it. As the new baby is imminent I would wait and see, after all who is going to pick up your small GS and help a bit. I know new mums are out of hospital very quickly now but surely not doing the nursery run after a couple of days!

Many of us live a great deal further from our families than you do. You are a very lucky gran.

35 minutes drive should not necessitate a hotel/holiday lodge. Perhaps they were afraid you were planning to spend all day with them
Don’t be hurt, carry on as normal , there is no reason I can see not t help out with the nursery run if they want you to. But remember your DS will presumably also be at home and it is important that the older child dies not feel “shut out” of the Mummy/Daddy/new baby equation.
Once a week visits are a lot more than many of us manage!

If it’s any consolation I was sort of expecting to be ‘needed’ when my daughter had both babies, I wasn’t.

We live the same distance as you do so don’t understand why you won’t be able to do the nursery pick ups, take him Home, have a chat and a cup of tea other whatever, see the baby and drive home.
I suspect your son and dil would like some time with the new baby and if you were nearby would feel obligated to you.
Don’t be hurt, I am sure there is no need.