Adult sons and male OH’s

DS and DD have always been very thoughtful with birthdays and Christmas although mother day is often a phone call as they are both so busy, and that’s fine. DH though has never remembered/ acknowledged our wedding anniversary despite it actually being my birthday, even our 25th - weirdly though he always remembered his parents anniversary and always bought them presents and a card, I’m obviously just not as terrifyingly demanding as his mother was life is too sort to worry about it though.

Ive just remembered. On the first Mothers Day after my eldest married (19 years ago) I received a gift and card from him and another from his wife. Lack of communication but I feel ahead of the "game".

Hi ammaz I’m a little confused. I have just come across this thread, but wondered what you were trying to tell me? I’ve not made any comment?

For what’s it worth, I don’t disagree with blinko. I am fortunate that my dil does actually go out and buy me cards & gists, as my son is terrible for remembering. I am very grateful for this, I know I am lucky. But I in no way believe it to be her job, if she chose to leave it to him, I wouldn’t blame her.

I have 2 brothers and all of us remember mums special days but when I was newly married my husband left all the card/present buying to me. This included his parents and our children. I don’t know if he would have remembered if I hadn’t.

I have 3 younger brothers, a husband who was the youngest and an only boy and two boys of my own - they're all a bit hit and miss when it comes to cards, presents etc.! DH is great with immediate family but often forgets his sisters. My brothers never remember my birthday even though I send them cards. One SiL sometimes remembers.

I remind my boys when family birthdays come up but they do need constant reinforcement!

Blinko I so agree but try telling this to alchemilla and SpanielNanny !

2 DS 37 and 33 always remember our birthdays and anniversary. They want to be with us on the days though I say as they have family and friends they mustn't feel pressured. Feel humble that they feel that way and that we must have done something right.

My eldest son always sends cards, presents and messages for birthdays, Christmas and Mother's day but I'm sure it's his wife who organises him The younger one has never bothered with cards much and has never really had enough money to buy gifts - now he lives abroad it's not even on the radar but I know he still loves us and is the most caring person in all other respects.

I'm very lucky, in that my 2 sons (36 and 34) have ALWAYS remembered mine and my husband's birthdays, and Mother's day/Father's day. They have always got us a present too - and they have bought the things themselves, whether they've been in relationships with women or not.

I am sure the same must apply to some daughters

DH came from a home where birthdays etc were treated as no different to other days so DH grew up with no tradition of sending cards and presents except at Christmas. At Christmas he does all he should and I am untroubled by him not marking other occasions.

He will, however, buy me something several times a year just because he sees something he thinks I would like .

Yes lucky here too.I have two sons, they always remember birthdays etc, also the cards they send always have lovely versus, maybe that's just luck too ! They always visit on the day of the birthday etc even though they have children busy lives and one has a newborn.I think it's how they have been raised, we have never forgotten any family birthdays and always try and deliver a card and present in person.

Husband remembers, mostly. Our sons stay in contact regularly, and within the phone calls/messenger/hangouts/
FaceTimes/emails, I am left in no doubt of their thoughts and recognition of significant milestones, but more importantly, their love.

Who needs cards?

When I mentioned remembering birthdays or Mothering Sunday I enclosed texts, WhatsApp and messenger not just the physical card

It just isn’t worth getting your knickers in a twist over a bit of paper is it ?
No, it isn't!

As I said in the other almost identical thread I don’t think cards should equate to love
I know my son loves me but if it wasn’t for my lovely daughter in law I probably wouldn’t get anything
I have two daughters one truely spoils me on all occasions the other doesn’t remember anyone’s birthdays or mother’s day I do usually get lovely flowers on my birthday ( which is close to mother’s day) but rarely a card it’s ad hoc sometimes I get a birthday card sometimes I don’t rarely a mother’s day card now but I know she loves me and appreciates what I do for her
It just isn’t worth getting your knickers in a twist over a bit of paper is it ?

It's partly an age thing - we get Christmas and birthday cards from my sons & daughter, but not from my partner's who are younger. Apparently no-one bothers with that sort of thing now! - they just send wishes via Facebook etc, or a text.

I have 3 DS, none of whom ‘do’ cards. DS2 usually organises joint presents, sometimes he delegates to DS3, but never DS1 - notoriously unreliable for that. None are married so no DILs to remind them. However, whenever DS1 rings me he never fails to tell me he loves me. The other two show me by their actions.

I have 2 DS, one always sends card and usually takes me out or invites me over on Mothers day/Birthdays. T'other ( younger) usually forgets M Day and occas Birthday, but I do sometimes get a text.. and am told he has a pressie for me which I often don't see... that's just him so I am not bothered, he has a girlfriend now so maybe things will change.. now his twin also always remembers!

I have a ds and a dd. One child sends cards, the other says thank you often for the grannie stuff.

my DS used to give me lovely cards and a bunch of flowers from when he had his first job as a paper boy. After getting married it depended on the mood of his wife that week whether I got a card or not. Eventually about 9 years ago I didn't even get a text or a phone call.

He went on to say he "didn't do cards" then when his eldest child , my DGD, reached teenage years she followed his example.

To cut a long story short I no longer "do cards" or presents. Spend my hard earned money on those who appreciate me

Harsh? possibly but I'm no longer accepting bad manners from my own family

My DS must be the exception to all the rules then; he always remembers and insists on buying cards and present himself, although DIL always quietly asks me what I'd like so that she can pass on the hints.

In my experience, it is always the wife who remembers birthdays and celebrations, even of the most distant cousins, nephews and nieces on her husband's side.

For example, my husband has had an invitation to a class reunion (he left school in 1968, 50 years ago!) from the wife of a classmate, who wasn't even in the class with them.

Having said that, my DH has a birthday calendar hanging in his study and sends off e-mails to congratulate his own family and friends. Cards are not really a custom here in Germany. On birthdays people usually phone or send e-mails, if at all.

Yesterday was Mother's Day here in Germany. I got one text from one son, last thing at night!

I count myself very lucky ...despite having 2 sons, l get cards and pressies on all important occasions.

I think the answer lies in being really good friends with their wives, which very fortunately l am. Both DIL’s are very caring and generous with their own mums so l think they both encourage/remind my 2 dear sons to do the same.
I suspect that both sons might probably forget without their lovely wives to remind them ..lol...but it’s a win win for me.

A generalisation but I think many men are not bothered themselves about celebrating birthdays etc and don't understand why women want a bit of a fuss made, particularly when they are young. If their Dad didn't do much in the way of presents and cards they pick up on that. My son does remember which is lovely.