AIBU to envy my children’s lives?

Agree with Jaycee. Don't envy my son at all, wish him everything he wishes for himself but dislike intensely the brigade who say we had it so good when we were young and should now give away what we fought so hard for. DH and I had a very difficult time as newly weds (like so many others) we had next to nothing, second hand furniture, no carpets and a child to care for. We lived in a very damp flat in a multi occupancy house in a dreadful area. We both saved hard and worked hard and only bought essentials and even then only after we had saved for them. The situation has now changed thank goodness but I am very glad my DS has not had the same struggles.

I don't envy mine one bit. They all work hard in jobs they enjoy but, thankfully, not on the treadmill of all work and little or no play.
I retired at 60 and enjoy my leisure with enough money to have no debt, more than enough savings and a comfortable pension. My ex, post divorce, has been generous with his provision so I have no worries and excellent health for which I'm thankful.
As a family, we're blessed with good health and not having to bust a gut to earn a living, because that defeats the object of having a family and lovely home if you're never in it to enjoy it.
Mine have all worked since they were 16 and that enabled them to buy their own homes and become mortgage free sooner than their contemporaries who went to uni and struggled to get jobs in their 20s. 4 of my 5 have paid off their mortgages and 3 of them sold at a huge profit enabling them to upscale and clear the new mortgages. Three AC have second homes and the youngest at 33 has only 6 years left on her mortgage. Only one of them had parental help to buy. When he was 18 I lent him 50% of the price and he paid me back on his 20th birthday.
IMO it's down to luck and good money management.

I envy that they have much more opportunities to travel than we did. It was prohibitively expensive in my younger days (one is in St Lucia, the other is in Spain as we speak) I do know what you mean though. One of my children has achieved much more than we had at his stage in life, but then he’s driven. At the other end of the scale my daughter is dependent on state benefits and she struggles more than her grandmothers generations. I think life is dependent on the choices and risks we take. (My husband was and still is risk adverse) Just yesterday I was talking to my 16 year old grandson and said it’s unfair but we often pay for the bad choices we made when we were his age. (I was trying to encourage him to stay with his apprenticeship) In answer there are some areas of my children’s lives I envy but others that make me thankful for when I was born.

I think we had more restrictions as young parents. Employers didn't want us and were allowed to say so, we couldn't get credit without husband or fathers signature, I wasn't even able to get contraception without my husband's permission. So yes, I do envy the life our children lead but I'm also thrilled for them.

The only possible way I ‘envy’ my youngsters is that they are loved by their partners and I was not.
They do live comfortably but the price is having to worry about costs because they don’t seem to be able to save as I did and they have to work extremely hard with far less time for the children than I had.
I remember my mother in her old age telling me that her bad relationship with me all my life was because she was jealous of my youth. Such a shame. I took great joy from watching my children and now my grandchildren turning into beautiful young adults but I don’t envy them what lies ahead.

Our parents lives were different to the way ours is, and their parents lives different again. I think each generation changes as the times move on, not necessarily always for the better, but we generally hope it will be. There are probably certain elements of our lives that we wish did,nt fly by so quickly but we just have to accept that they do. Perhaps you could look at this differently and try and arrange more with your husband. Simple things such as pub meals, cinema trips, inexpensive weekend breaks, once you start there is no end to what you can do and it does,nt have to cost an arm and a leg! Even just packing up a picnic and going out for the day to a local beauty spot gets you out of the house for a while and can lift your mood. Also your local library may have events advertised that are in your area,that might interest you. If your husband is,nt too keen maybe a like-minded friend could join you ....now that summer is just about upon us it's a good time for you to start.

We have and continue to be good parents to our children and grandchildren helping them in any way we can. We have both had long careers in the NHS as well as second jobs to bring extra money into the home. We both still work 6 mornings a week. We have never inherited one penny.
We are considering selling our house and moving into a one bed retirement flat it will mean we will have money in the bank and it will be lovely not having to keep working. Our SIL thinks it a terrible idea. I wonder why???

I can honestly say I do not envy anyone, least of all my children.

Pensionpat, I think you are spot on. Our DS has been fortunate with home, family and career, but their family life is constantly hectic, with the balancing of children, work and home life. DGC are forever whizzing about with activities. I'm glad that they are happy, healthy, employed and solvent, with their own home, but I don't envy them.

My am in life was to ensure as best I could that my 3 AC did not have the struggles that I had. They are all highly successful now and lead lovely affluent lives, and they do include me, take me away, out to dinner etc But, this generation do have their own struggles, stress does accompany high achievers, and they work long hours etc I actually don’t envy Mums these days, as so many have to put babies into nurseries so that they can return to work. Personally I wouldn’t have missed a minute of mine when they were little and no money could ever compensate me for that. Swings and roundabouts ....

I think its sometimes just getting older. Ive just hit sixty, and feeling it! I look at my happily married daughter. They have two beautiful children, 7 and 2, a lovely house and no money worries. However, as my just retired husband and i lie in bed with a coffee at 10am in the morning, i dont envy her when she tells me the little one is waking at 5am every morning. There are good and bad things at every stage in life. And a lot of youngsters live their amazing lifestyle with a huge cloud of debt hanging over them.

It is a shame to feel envious but I do find it irritating when so many people (usually the media) keep banging on about how good we had it (I wish) and how we are all now asset rich and should give some of it up to 'millenials'. I don't know where the idea that we all bought properties in our 20s. Before the 1970s it was difficult for women to even get a mortgage without a male guarantor.
I won't envy the younger generation and I would be happy if they would stop envying the life that they believe that we led.

No, it wouldn't occur to me to feel anything like this. But I think SussexGirl60 is possibly experiencing a bit of depression and if she can't share it with her husband it's good to bring it up here. How are you off financially now, Sussex Girl? Can you afford more treats so that you don't need to envy your AC's lifestyle? As others have said, it comes at a price. Have you considered doing some training or a course in something than interests you? Then you'd be too busy to be wistful.

We operate as a whole Family. If one member is having difficulties the rest support and help them. If one member has a success, we all celebrate. Perhaps we have been very lucky, in that our 2DDs are the best and closest of friends (having fought like cat and dog through their early childhood) and their DC, our DGC, have a special bond too.
The SILs have slotted into this set up happily, although (or perhaps because) their own families are beset with sibling rivalries. Just luck? or is it to do with a mind set of all for one and one for all?

No, I don't envy my childrens lives. They are both doing reasonably well, but both have their stresses and problems. I'm proud of how they turned out to be decent, hardworking and honest but have never felt a moment of envy.

I certainly envy my children - but only in a jealous kind of way. They have been so much more adventurous than I could ever have dared to be - working in many different countries, seeing and experiencing things I have never seen and I have loved experiencing some of it through them. I am immensely proud of their confidence and independence.

I think we all imagine and hope to give our children a "better" life than our own - but that is all relative. My children are probably not much richer, but they are all totally self-supporting and embracing their lives in a very different way.

I am glad they have not gone down the route so many seem to follow - burdening themselves with ridiculous mortgages and twelve hour a day jobs.

I am proud of them, but also a little proud of myself - for somehow managing to produce them !!

Sadly there is nothing in either of my childrens lives to envy.
DS cannot find work and is socially isolated due to ASD.
DD married a waste of space and despite working hard whilst married and help from us both financially and childcare whilst she worked she has always lived virtually hand to mouth. Her new partner has health problems and isn't working at present, so keeping a roof over their heads is down to her. She only manages to sees her children once a month, as they live 3 hrs away with their father, although she is planning on moving to be near them.
I could go on, but I won't bore you.

My son and his wife have way loads more money than we ever had but they both work very hard and don’t have the social life that we had. Also the GC have various problems that my son and daughter never had. I don’t envy them at all but I do have a general envy for those young mums I see meeting friends in local restaurants for lunch. I couldn’t even afford to take my young children out for coffee and meeting up with Friends meant going to each other’s houses and having shepherds pie or suasages for lunch.

I don’t envy them at all, apart from the fact that one of them has a daughter, which I didn’t. They are much better off than I ever was, but they certainly pay for it in hard work and stress. I was able to be a stay-at-home mother, which I greatly valued and which seems impossible now for most people. The constant juggling of childcare is awful. I was just there to meet the children from school and care for them if they were ill, no need to panic. I wouldn’t like their life.

sussexgirl60 i dont envy my AC their lives but i do kind of know what you mean. I just wish that i was a parent now adays.There seems to be so much help and guidance out there on bringing up children. I always felt i wasn't a very good mother basically through lack of guidance and ignorance. If i was a young mum now my life and my childrens would be so different. If only we could turn the clock back.

I have been blessed with a very happy marriage but my DS is experiencing a very unhappy divorce and having to live with a bullying/manipulative wife whilst trying to give his two young sons some normality. So I don’t envy him one bit.

On the other hand I do envy him being nearly 44. I want to spend more time with my DH and at 71/72 respectively another 10 - 15 years seems so short.

No I do not envy my AC, my DD spends her working life travelling the world and it is not as glamorous as it sounds. DS and DIL both have stressful jobs and childcare to juggle, they deserve every holiday or day out.
I think you need to concentrate on what you can be doing yourself instead of fixating on others.

never envied my AC but would still love to be able to have my own babies,makes me sad to realise that part of my life is over .

Thanks for these comments-and they do all make sense. Maybe I just need to give myself a good talking to! Of course, I wouldn’t want them to be having a hard time and yes, now you say it, they do have stressful jobs and things are very full on. Perhaps I’m looking at their lives through rose tinted spectacles-or just wishing I was young again!?

My children are doing well, but I don’t envy the future I think they may have. My DH and I married young(ish) and had our children early. We managed to retire at 57 and were able to travel and really enjoy those years. The careers we had grew increasingly stressful but I think the level of stress my children will face in their work will escalate beyond that which we experienced. I cannot see them being able to enjoy early retirement as we have done.