AIBU to envy my children’s lives?

Like someone else said I do get annoyed at them complaining that we had it so good compared to them. And we paid for the health care we are getting now! They have much more disposable income and fun holidays than we ever had. I know this is a generalisation, but we are generalising here. Of course there are those who have it hard.
However, ...our minds were carefree. We didn't have to worry about healthcare, pensions, childcare, pressure of materialism, jobs, technology. We didn't know any different than what situation we were in as the media was very limited. We were much more content generally. Life was simpler. I just hate being old thats the only thing I don't like. everything else is better.

I don't envy my children at all. I've had a lovely family life (to date) and my children seem to be doing likewise. We all have had hiccups and sadness along the way and no doubt will do again. We will weather them together!

I think my mum envied me and I was sad to hear that DD2's mother in law had a go at her for not working like she had to. DD put the deposit on the house and then she and her DH took the decision for her not to work while the children are small.

SussexGirl60

We all have guilt provoking albeit very human feelings at times. It may help you if you realize however, that in no small way you played a very important role in shaping their success and for that you should feel proud and gain some measure of satisfaction.

Realize that whatever triumphs they have in their lives are your triumphs too. You also may not always be included because as adults, they have lives separate from your own. So, instead of feeling badly, celebrate all their successes. They are the living proof that your own life was a productive one and a job very well done!

No, I do not envy my children, I pity them this world today.

No way do I envy younger people today.
Yes...they have more in the material sense but they're not happier for it.
I'm so glad I grew up in the 60s and 70s when everything was just simpler.

No, I don’t envy any of my children.
In some ways they have had better opportunities than us and some were worse.

In general I am pleased and proud of them, their lives are not without their own challenges, as are ours but I feel no envy at all.

I don't envy mine at all. They have both had to pay relatively far more for houses that Dh and I would frankly not have considered when we bought ours at considerably younger ages. Dd who has two very tiny children and a Dh in a good, full time job, is obliged to work not far off full time in order to help pay the mortgage.
She likes her job, but despite a very good and hands-on Dh, it's often exhausting, coping with it all. Their childcare costs are horrendous. We help with those, and also helped both dds with house purchases, but costs are still very high.

Dh and I never needed help, and just as well, since our parents would not have been in a position to do so. We were better off than our parents, but our dds will not be able to say the same.

I wasn't obliged to work for financial reasons when mine were very small, and nor were most of my friends. Regardless of very high interest rates at certain periods, housing was generally a lot more affordable.

I don't envy my dd. She works full time is almost 6 months pregnant and has a ds who is almost 3. She is so looking forward to her maternity leave so she can spend more time with ds who is almost 3 before he goes to school. She often says she misses so much of his firsts as it happens when at nursery. She can't afford to stay at home even though her dh earns a good wage. Their mortgage is high as live in part of country where house prices are above average. She says all housework and laundry have to be done in evenings or weekends when she would rather be playing with her ds or taking him swimming. I stayed home when my dc were small and did not miss any of their first. I would not swap that for the world.

I agree with Bellasnana, I never, ever envy anyone else's life. I can understand to a degree the envy aspect of other people's lives, but to envy your children's lives I can't even imagine why anyone would do this. Just get on with your own life, don't even think what anyone has or what they don't have.
While your thinking about this you're missing out on your own life and life's too short for that. Just remember ........The grass is always greener...........Sorry to sound so condemning but I really don't understand.

I have some sympathy for your situation because it feels like you had to make a lot of financial sacrifices to get them to a point where they were able to support themselves. Do you not now do meals out and holidays and treat you and your DH to the sorts of things your AC are now doing?

I don't envy our AC but am certainly proud of them. We helped them through university and on to the housing ladder and now help out with costs of grandchildren. I think they have a nice life but in terms of wealth I don't think they are in a massively different position to where we were at their age. Money was tight for us when we had small DC and our DD2 is the same with 2 young DC although she has more help from us with childcare than my DP gave us as we are local to them. I love seeing how great a mum she has turned out to be but don't envy her for that as we get the pleasure of our DGC without the sometimes endless slog parenting young children can be. My DD1 has a very good career and is better educated than me but I would say I am proud of her but do not envy her. My DH and I retired at 58 and see our DDs and DGC a lot but have friends and hobbies and holidays so are pretty happy with our lot.

Envy is a destructive emotion so perhaps do more for yourselves now? You no longer have to make sacrifices for your AC so just be proud of yourself for that and now be a bit selfish and think of yourself.

luzdoh, sorry I meant to add that I feel great sympathy for your situation because at least my daughter shares her success with me, financially and in other ways. I wonder if your AC have unfortunately inherited their father's character? I feel as though you have given everything and received nothing in return. I really hope that at least one of your AC shows some simple humanity soon. ?

Not envious - DD is much better off and married whereas I was a single parent who never went out at all for many years as I had no money. They have both been all over the world yet I consider myself the lucky one because I look after DGS whilst they chase their dreams with long hours and not much time to see him. Different priorities these days which I don't really agree with but I just do my best and enjoy my time with DGS.

In no way do I envy either of my DDs.
One has lots of money, great job that she loves , lovely husband and more than one house.
The other can’t afford to buy a house, she and her husband are both on minimum wage and struggle.
If only her life was more like her sisters.

Each generation does thing differently. I didn't meet friends in restaurants and coffee bars, but we met in each others homes, which was just as satisfactory, and a lot cheaper and was not as far to travel. And what is wrong with shepherds pie and sausages for lunch. Most of my cookery is still based on cheaper cuts of meat. It is what I prefer.

I went to mother and toddler groups and where ever we lived belonged to baby sitting groups, both parent support activities that seem to have disappeared.

I was also able to walk away from the work place when my children were born. I didn't work for nearly seven years. DDiL was back at work within a year.

I have 5 boys - 2 are students and 3 have jobs . I am just relieved that they are fairly happy and healthy . If they earn then they in my opinion can do what they want within reason . I am lucky that they are grateful for Xmas and birthday money which I'm generous with as they respect me not to ask for anything inbetween .

I wouldn't say I envy my daughters lifestyle, but I sometimes wish I could 'turn back the clock' and relive parts of my life knowing what I know now. I think, as we get older, we become that little bit more aware of our own mortality and how little time we might have left. When you here of people in their 50's suddenly dropping dead from whatever, you do sometimes think, wow, they were young! I also miss that familiarity that I had with my daughters and they now have with their children. I was once the most important person in their lives, now I have been relegated to number.......... And although that's how it should be, it was a nice feeling to be that important to someone else other than my hubby, which is a different kind of feeling. But now, we have a different adventure ahead of us, but can definitely see where the OP is coming from.

I don't envy my sons at all, I am thrilled that their lives are good. I would be more than happy to help with my granddaughter, and wish I saw her more often than a couple of hours visit a week, but to not be needed is a sign of the family's success and strength, which makes me feel proud of my son and amazed by his partner who is a far better mother than I was - so confident and competent and a wonderful role model for her daughter. My own mother struggled to bring me and my two brothers up, because money was tight, and she had none of the opportunities in life that came my way. Don't we all work and strive so our children can have it better and easier than we did?

I don't feel that the job market is as easy for today's young people as it was for my generation, however. My youngest, who is a trained journalist, is finding it extremely hard to find a job that he actually wants and which will accept him. Competition is fierce. I didn't have half the skills and qualifications he has, but I found a job easily in the 1970s. I feel I was lucky to be able to stay at home and raise my boys myself, not have to return to work. Many young mothers nowadays are not in this happy situation, and can't afford their homes without both parents working - they are lucky if they have willing parents and in laws to step in for childcare. Nursery for babies is very expensive. I would be very happy to mind my granddaughter, but the fact that I don't need to, they can afford the nursery, is a testament to how hard they have both worked and how successful they are. I am super proud of all my boys. I am now enjoying my leisure time, and the freedom to basically do what I like. This is one of the nicest times of my life.

Sussexgirl I feel your pain, because isn't envy just the most stupid emotion? I mean, no-one would want to feel it, but sometimes it's just there anyway. My example is different to yours: I was incredibly envious of my friend, who got to marry the man I thought was the love of my life. A few short years later, they separated and some very unsavoury truths came out about him. Of course, I hope this doesn't happen to you, finding out that your descendants' lives are not as happy as they seem! What I learnt from it though, was to concentrate on making my life as best I could for me. Consequently I found my own love of my life, had 4 lovely sons with him etc etc. I hope this helps x

The only envy I feel is for my DD’s lovely dishwasher. I do wish I had room for one in my little kitchen!

Envy them? I stayed home until my youngest was 8. My daughters went back to full-time work when each baby reached 1. They’ve never stopped rushing around since, their lives are a ceaseless chaotic race against time and they see their children for a couple of hours a day, while they Are doing umpteen other things at the same time.
Thanks to Feminism, which made this lifestyle inevitable by convincing the government that doing two full-time jobs was what women wanted to “liberate” them.

I don’t think it’s either normal or not, it’s how you feel. Just accept that that is how you feel and try not to let it affect how you live your life. I don’t feel the same as you, but believe me, my life has not gone any slower ?. I’m sure it was only last year I celebrated my 40th, I turned by back for a second and boom I’m in my 60’s ?

I don't envy my children at all. In spite of them having what are officially "good" jobs. It still means that 2 salaries barely cover living expenses, holidays are a rarity and child care is a constant worry.

I agree with you jenpax ...there is so much more going on for young Mums now - even in the sleepy Welsh town where I brought my kids up (forget the pretty tourist pictures, it was the back of beyond in terms of facilities!) From that point of view I envy my kids. But also, the horrors of the Internet, the avalanche of social media pressure and fragile mental health of young people....glad not to have deal with those as a parent.
Mostly I think I didn’t appreciate the ‘good parts’ when they were smaller, but they might well say the same about their own parenting, in 30 years time!

I don't envy my DD's life at all. She and SIL both have to work - they are in their late 40s. They have debts, a big mortgage, can rarely afford holidays and are struggling to put their only child through university. We help where we can. DH and I were fortunate enough to retire at 60. Goodness knows how old our DD and her husband will be when they retire. DH and I go out/have holidays whenever we like (within reason obviously). No envy here.

I do feel a little like you do but we have done a good job as parents...so let's sit back enjoy them and happiness is in the small things