AIBU to tell off someone else's child

I think I am more surprised by the level of moral indignation qne what feels like judgement of some posters who
a) did not witness the situation
b) do not know the situation of anyone involved

I understand the instinct to protect any child from harm and to comment on what one would do in similar circumstances but so many assumptions made about the mum..who could well be an ineffective parent/carer..but none of us actually know that!
That by the way is not PC which you seem to use perjoratively?

I wonder how many of those who would tell off a small 5 year-old would be so proactive with a burly teenager who was throwing their weight around.

Possibly very few but that doesn't make trying to stop a five year old kicking a three year old wrong. The OP spoke to the older child.

Maybe people'd get on their phones to the police in the burly teenager scenario, but some people do rise to the occasion when others around them are threatened, and good for them.

We were at the play park with the DGD the other week; they had climbed the 'pyramid' made of rope. A boy of about 7 came and started jumping on it, making it shake and unnerving them, then tried to stamp on younger DGD'S fingers. He was watching to see my reaction. Mother was across the other side of the park, chatting to her friend.
So I gave him a Paddington Bear stare and said 'I don't think that's a good idea, do you?' and he stopped.
Mother approached and I thought he may say something, but he didn't and I realised I knew her - she is absolutely lovely but very ineffectual whereas her friend (or sister-in-law, not sure) kept giving the boy a real ticking off when he was naughty.

I wonder how many of those who would tell off a small 5 year-old would be so proactive with a burly teenager who was throwing their weight around.
If one of my DGC was in danger from them then yes, I would, in no uncertain terms.

Yes Baggs agree totally

That saying is so true Baggs unfortunately nowadays it seems the PC brigade have taken over.
Sorry for the acronym.

bluebelle Jane what should the poster have done if she saw the boy in danger while the carer was engrossed in her phone should she have left him to hurt himself or intervene
Completely different scenario and not relevant to the OP.
Whether I would intervene directly with the child or tell the parent, would depend on the level of danger that the child was putting himself in, and how imminent an accident was.
I wonder how many of those who would tell off a small 5 year-old would be so proactive with a burly teenager who was throwing their weight around.

"It takes a village to raise a child".

I think it’s quite simple - you take your child to a public place, you are responsible for them. If you are not being so, then whoever is around is perfectly free to tell them off

PECs disagree, even in circumstances you describe if it done with kindness and authority then you are helping the mother in a time when her mind distracted.

I think you did the right thing. I would have had a go back at the carer too for being neglectful. I know - a bad example for the children, but ....!

I don’t think you were being unreasonable .

If they’re not parenting their child and that child misbehaves then someone has to step in and calmly and firmly tell the misbehaving child off.

I fail to see how anyone can complain if they’re not keeping their child under control . What if that child had pushed yours off the slide totally causing more injury than a bruise ?

I think we need more ‘interfering’ if that’s what it’s called .

No you were not being unreasonable. I would have done the same as you given that the adult in charge of the other child obviously didn’t care what he was doing.
On a camp site last year a boy of around 8/9 years old was snapping branches off a young tree. I could not see anyone with him so I approached and said that it was not something he should be doing . How would he like someone to treat his property like that. His Father then appeared and told the boy off agreeing with me. At which point his Grandfather appeared and started shouting at me. The boy burst into tears and asked his GF to stop saying that he was being embarrassing and he knew had had been doing something wrong. Then the boys father apologised to me , told his son to apologise and also told the GF he should apologise too. The boy did . The GF did not. Good example Dad. Bad example Grandad.

At my DGCs school a parent is coming to terms with the imminent death, from a brain cancer, of her younger child. I suspect she may also be distracted and on her mobile when taking her older child out for some 'normal' time. Protect your children but I would say always talk to the adult. None of us know what others are coping with but we are so quick to judge.

You were totally right. I can’t be doing with all this you should be polite. The little boy, feeling neglected and bored was looking for attention. It is a shame for him, as he has had his bad behaviour for attention endorsed. Same time you cannot let your grand child feel that some one can get away with bullying her. Go with your gut reaction, it rarely leads you wrong. Unless it’s demanding extra calories?

Sorry...digressing but Knickas63...just wondering if you were at Farmer Teds? Only because a similar thing happened to me and one of my GC last Christmas bahaha (am wondering if it was same boy lol)

Thank you

I think that in principle all civilised adults have some authority over all children such that if you see a child doing something seriously wrong, such as kicking another child, and no-one else is stopping them, then you do have a right to reprimand them. Not rudely, of course, but with authority.

I'd certainly expect a reasonable adult to chastise a child of mine who was behaving that badly in a shared public place if I or whoever was in charge of them wasn't doing that duty.

So I think you did a public duty, OP, as well as protecting the child you were in charge of.

I’m amazed that someone has said you were being unreasonable. Nonsense. Under the circumstances you did the right thing. It was very negligent of the ?mother to stay glued to her ‘phone, and not looking after her child. So sorry you and your GD had such an unpleasant experience.

Yes I agree I would have done the same if you had gone over to engage with the mother/carer she could have got even more hurt while you were talking she should have been on the ball
Jane what should the poster have done if she saw the boy in danger while the carer was engrossed in her phone should she have left him to hurt himself or intervene I think we all know we would intervene
Yes you need to tell him off in a kindly way , that’s one reason why kids are so bold now In our day any grown up would have told you off now it’s sll this preciousness

Today in the shop a child of about 3 with her mother had a strawberry ice cream which was going on everything she touched The mother took not the slightest notice even when I said loud enough for her to hear ‘Mind darling your ice cream is going all over the clothes’ She scowled at me and the mum continue doing what she was doing I knew she’d heard after she’d gone out we found pink ice cream on at least three other items Parents or carers should keep an eye on their charges all the time and if they don’t someone else has to

I would absolutely have told the boy off in those circumstances! And have done! I have also had to tell my own 5 year old GS’s off for pushing /shoving smaller ones. They aren’t bullies - I know 5 year old’s can be too boisterous especially when they are big for their age or have learning difficulties. What I would not do is ignore them! They have to learn it isn’t acceptable from a very early age or they could turn into bullies.

You did the right thing IMHO

No doubt about it I would have done the same with the added bit of letting the carer know my thoughts. If my gc were misbehaving I have no objection to them being told off, in a non physical threatening way, as you did. Saw a lovely incident in a supermarket cafe. People were eating lunch, two older children about 5 and 7 were running around the diners shouting and screaming. Mum was looking at her phone. An elderly lady just boomed out shut up, sit down and behave. Reaction was the kids did exactly that , mother tore herself away from the screen and was glaring around trying to find who had shouted. The elderly woman, well she just carried on eating. Children have to learn what is acceptable behaviour and if carers don’t do their job then I feel it’s societies job to help out.

None NanKate another Tiger Nanny here ?

Well done OldMeg no pussy footing about.

Nickas63 snap ! A girl at a play farm was verbally hassling my two grandsons. I went up to her and said ‘leave my grandsons alone’ I then gave her an evil look, she backed off and I gave her the same look later as a warning not to mess with my family. It worked.

You did absolutely the right thing. I was recently on holiday with my youngest grandson who was playing with other children nearby when he was suddenly grabbed by a boy a couple of years older and dropped onto his head.

The older boy was smirking and saying ‘it wasn’t my fault’. While a retired nurse was looking after my grandson and another parent had gone to look for an ice pack I tried to find the boys parents. They were nowhere to be seen.

So in their absence I gave him a dressing down. He said ‘I’m going to get my mum’ to which I replied ‘Please do. I’d love to meet her’.

He ran off and neither he nor his mother was seen.

I couldn’t care less if I upset the little brat and perhaps he’ll think twice about it in future. Need more corporate parenting not less.