AIBU to tell off someone else's child

It's completely academic where the mother/guardian of the child was sitting at the time he was misbehaving. The salient point is that she was not engaged with what he was doing or how his behaviour was impacting on others. Had she been watching him, she'd have had the opportunity to intervene before someone else had to. And the "circumstances" of the mother and child are not the responsibility of the OP or anyone else for that matter; they are entirely the responsibility of the mother/guardian. OP only had responsibility of the safety and wellbeing for the GC that she was looking after that day, and if that involved checking another child's bad behaviour; so be it.

Bellanonna doesn’t claim to know where she was sitting janea, hence her use of the word ‘possibly’.

bellanonna this person.....was possibly sitting on a seat some distance away
You don’t know where the adult was sitting, do you?

From reading the OP I would deduce that no “disciplining” was done in the presence of the child’s carer as this person was otherwise engaged and was possibly sitting on a seat some distance from the play area occupied at the time by the OP and her grandchild. A five year old potential/actual bully kicking a smaller child needed immediate action, which thank goodness virtually everyone on here says they would have taken. My blood is not boiling. I’m sorry for the OP having such an unpleasant experience on what should have been fun time in the park. She took the right action by speaking to the child and I’m just surprised anyone should think she shouldn’t have.

Tokyojo
so who is it that said you have no authority over other children!!

It was me.
I realise I am in a very small minority on here, but I think it's inappropriate to discipline a child in the presence of the child's mother or carer and that an approach should be made to the responsible adult instead. Judging from what the OP wrote, she could have done this before the child started kicking her GD.
As others have pointed out we (and the OP) know nothing about the child or the circumstances of its mother, but some harsh judgements have been made.
That's just my opinion.
There's no need to allow your blood to boil or waste any more emotional energy on the matter.

My blood is boiling! You did exactly the right thing so who is it that said you have no authority over other children!!! I’m a teacher and I’m sick to death of parents/ carers who ignore the behaviour of their badly behaved children and then take umbrage, often as you say, having a go at someone making reasonable approaches to protect another child! I’ve had parents screaming in my face because I dared to admonish their rude/ selfish/ violent/ badly behaved child and it’s getting worse. Control your children and teach them to behave properly . It’s disgraceful .

workernan I think you sound extremely restrained!

I think I would have remonstrated with that child in a much more forceful way in your situation!

WHY are so many young mothers so obsessed with their blasted phones? We see it all the time, don't we - in cafes, coffee shops , even just walking down the street - children ignored while the mother is engrossed in her phone. No wonder so many children are growing up unable to speak properly.

Well said.

You definitely did the right thing, in fact I think you were very restrained. Too much pussy footing around children these days which, in my opinion is why we're bringing up a generation of little savages.
Too strong? Well, it's time for a backlash I believe.

I would have done exactly as you did workernan,you tried talking to him but he obviously hasn't been taught manners, IMHO a 5 year old should have some manners and should certainly not attack a much younger child and a girl at that. Ignore the gainsayers, you did the right thing for your granddaughter

I’m like you HM999 and have done so many, many times .

Workernan you were absolutely in the right. I have done exactly the same as you on occasion, and in my opinion if another child is hurting someone and the parent/career can’t be bothered to watch and oversee their charge all bets are off, and it’s perfectly acceptable to chastise the child yourself. Good on you!

That's for early near-misses

I have a habit of calling out 'Careful!' or 'Mind she's only little' to get the adult's attention.

workernan You handled an upsetting and difficult situation really well and with great restraint. I'm sure I would have been much more forceful!

As a child I expected to be told off by adults if misbehaving. I'm afraid I would probably not have been so restrained but might have picked up misbehaving boy and taken him off to his carer. I might have said take me to your mother and then told her off. So your behaviour was definitely reasonable.

I would not tell off a misbehaving child whose parent was present. However if your eyes are glued to a screen on the other side of the playground you are not "present" in any meaningful sense of the word.

You did the right thing. Ignore all the precious comments about not approaching or asking a child to stop being aggressive or annoying. For far too long we have been dancing around these situations. A child is a human being and as long as you are not abusive verbally or physically, telling him to stop doing what he was up to as he will hurt another human being and was being annoying following you there is no issue. The mother obviously find her phone more interesting than watching her son, no wonder he follows others. After asking him to cease, I would have removed GD and taken her up to his mother to show what her son have inflicted though probably would have no affect on a mother like that. You were right.

I'm not sure people are suggesting the OP should leave her GD to be kicked whilst she talks to the carer Bathsheba I certainly wasn't! I think it is generally more effective to speak to the carer first, as children who are used to getting away with such behaviour are unlikely to take any notice of someone they don't know. I have been in a similar position to OP on a number of occasions; most times talking to the carer has been effective; when it hasn't I have replied that I will not tolerate my grandchild getting hurt, any more than they would tolerate their own child getting hurt and that if it happens again, I will ensure that my grandchild has a turn and is not hurt. I have then spoken to the child with my very firm "head teacher" voice on and if necessary blocked the child (without touching ) whilst my grandchild has a go. One parent got a bit stroppy but backed off because I used " broken record" to ask if they would want their child to be kicked /pushed or whatever!

You absolutely did the right thing workernan and I'm astonished that there are people on here who think you were in the wrong, that you should not have spoken to him, but gone over to his carer first. What? While he was kicking your GD in the head? . No, sorry, that's absurd to expect you to do that. I think in fact you were quite restrained - I would have reacted much quicker and remonstrated with the boy and his carer very forcefully at the first sign of violence. Without people like you stepping in to teach him how to behave (his carer doesn't appear to think this is important), he will undoubtedly grow up to be a bully.
Baggs said exactly what was going through my mind - that 'it takes a village to raise a child'.

It astounds me how many Mothers watch their children pushing, shoving, being generally unkind and ignore it.
I know children shouldn't be mollycoddled, but when they are only toddlers they need guidance from parents/carers. How else will they learn to be reasonable, caring children?

Absolutely not workernan!
You did the same as most of us would have done in that situation. The omly reason that his 'carer' was nasty is that she was too self absorbed to even notice what was happening and too lazy to do the job she was there to do. More than a few of those around!

In general I think it’s always best to speak directly to the other adult rather than a child and hopefully prevent things from escalating! I wasn’t there so can’t really assess the situation, but I certainly remember having another parent having a go at me as a child on a school trip about her daughter (unfairly) and as a shy child feeling petrified and tearful! I can recall feeling outnumbered by the shouting adult and (the child who was telling the lie?) and scared that there was no one to defend me, I was also scared that she might hit me! Obviously Workernan handled this much better than the parent I encountered and acted by all accounts reasonably in trying circumstances! but as I said my general preference would be to try to speak to the other adult before things got to a high pitch!

I would have had a word with him and if he didn't stop I would have picked up my grandchild, walked over to the carer and spoken to her, describing what had happened and asking her if she could help out so both cgildren could enjoy them selves!

You did exactly the right thing! In fact, had it been me, I wouldn't have been so nice as you.

Good on ya!

No I don't think you were. You waited to see if his manners kicked in, but frayed knot..... none there.