AIBU to think they're spending too much?

My son and DIL did similar. I think he knew what I thought, because my dislike of big weddings is well-known in my circles.

What annoyed me is that I had given them some money as a wedding present and I hate to think it was spent on the wedding, as opposed to ....something more sensible ?, but I suspect it was. I didn’t say anything, at least not much. What can you do?

I have seen both sides of the equasion with my two boys and their fiancee's.
The eldest got married in LV and it entailed the cost of flights and hotel stays for all who attended (12) then another celebration for all those who didn't attend they held a coming home party for about 100 family and friends it cost us over 7.5k just for myself hubby & DD to go which included a lump sum towards their honeymoon,
they funded their own costs to the tune of £12k.
My second son paid for a package at a very nice Hotel in Liverpool for the whole day including ceremony/sit down reception and evening buffet and got the whole deal for less than £5k .
Both enjoyed their days and so did we but I know what I would have preferred for DS1 as he has only just finished paying off his CCs for the cost.

Where angels fear to tread comes to mind. I doubt if they would thank you for your extremely good advice.
Not yet anyway, maybe down the line they would see the wisdom of your words but by then they may not be speaking to you!

I suppose its their money and their debt and you could advice but it would probably fall on deaf ears.

Soo hard! DD1 & hubby had a home and baby first..then a fairly DIY wedding day which was magical. DD2 refused to get married.
But when you see the debt mounting up it is hard to keep quiet..but if you speak you may jeopardise realtionships. I am not sure what I would do

sorry I am no help at all!

Gone are the days of father of the bride controlling the budget!

I honestly do not understand the massive wedding thing at all.

I was listening to a young family member talking the other day about wanting a "Destination Wedding" and in the next breath saying that they can't afford the deposit to buy their own house.

I have to bite my tongue. I'm not saying don't have a "dream wedding" but there's "dream" and there's "nightmare!"

maybe do some research and show them that the things they want can be bought for much less than they think.I was at a beautiful wedding recently ,they certainly didn't do without anything and I was told the cost of the whole thing came in under 10K.It is possible especially if you have friend s who can provide services like photography or who can make the cake as a gift

No, I do not think you are being unreasonable at all to THINK that granschemeofthings! Whether or not you should voice your misgivings or not is another thing altogether.

Really difficult, I think our generation were perhaps more frugal than the younger generation. If you are contributing what you planned then it's up to them if they want to put it on cards. I too would find it hard but suggest saying nothing as they could resent it. If they come back later asking for financial help, try to have a diplomatic answer at hand. These discussions easily lead to misunderstanding, which can go downhill from then on.

P.S, I would probably end up saying something though..

Yes, I think you have no other choice but to leave them to make theirs, as they see fit.
It would be a shame if the wedding day arrived and there was bad feeling already.