Permanent Memorials at Roadside Accident Spots

Thank you PECS

I’ve noticed that when someone’s opinion is different from the general trend of a thread and they speak out they tend to get that response. Weird!

I echo Bagg’s plea for tolerance in the face of a life shattering event

I wonder if there is a kind of religiosity about such memorials, as if they were a kind of shrine? I remember being surprised in the mid seventies,when I visited a friend at Freiburg im Breisgau, how many religious shrines there were in the nearby vine-growing areas. Similarly, in a non-tourist area ofThailand in the nineties, there were many pulicly visible but obviously personal Buddhist shrines. (I presume they were Buddhist anyhow).

Perhaps some people, especially if affected by a life-shattering event, feel the need for this kind of display. Some clearly don't but it's hardly asking much of our tolerance to just accept such memorials whether we like them or not.

Nobody puts flowers against the wall of a hospital do they?

I have seen both flowers and permanent memorials at roadsides since I first came to Italy in the early seventies.
I live just off a Roman road that runs due North of Rome and between my small town and the two on either side, there are five or six of these.
The fresh flowers are changed regularly. There are stone crosses/memorials and are sometimes adorned with the flag of a favourite football team.
Recently, the whole of the side of the road had to be dug up to insert some tubing and I was touched to see that these memorials were always respected and left untouched. They just worked under and around them.

I just find it a bit strange that people want to commemorate their loved ones at the spot where they died. It’s a bit like me taking flowers into the CCU on the anniversary of my father’s death. We don’t do that so why the roadside memorials?

I agree MissAdventure My dad died in the street of a heart attack..I avoided going past the place ever since .Its just recently been demolished ,I'm not sure I could walk down those steps even now.25 years on .

I don't feel that I would like to revisit the place where a loved one lost their life, but to each their own.

I believe these roadside memorials beagn when the PM of Sweden Olof Palmer(spelling?) was assasinated in the mid 80's

And Old Meg had an opinion that someone else's opinion came over as harsh. That was her different thought! It is called debate.

Old Meg this is an opinions forum and everybody has different thoughts on this matter.
Nobody is saying that laws should be passed banning the roadside flowers, but saying if they like it or not.
Which is fair enough.

That’s a bit harsh...saying a grieving person’s love is diluted if they can’t get back to remove the flowers. I hope you are never in the situation to find out how you would react ?

We only have one permanent memorial around here but we do have several that get replenished every now and then. As has been said no one comes to clear the dead flowers etc. away when they are well past their best. I do feel that that rather dilutes their love and respect.
A lot of these tributes are in places that are difficult to access on foot- on busy roads without pavements but lots of trees, hedges. Seems to me that another accident is just waiting to happen.
Personally my grief would be private, only shared with those that I loved or who loved the deceased.

The town I grew up in is twinned with two small towns in the Loire valley in France. It came about after a tragic accident in which a family on holiday were involved in an accident on the road about 3 miles outside the town. Their teenage son was killed in the crash. The father was so impressed by the kindness of the local people that he suggested the twinning. There is a memorial to that young man set into the wall near the junction where it happened. There are usually fresh flowers beside it. I used to pass it often when visiting my late parents.

I don't object to a flower memorial but I do object to flowers left in plastic wrapping that stay for ages that no one removes

Distractions? Some people must be easily distracted that’s all I can say. I register all sorts of sights when driving but don’t get ‘distracted’.

If you are driving and get distracted to the extend you don’t focus on your driving you need to give up, pronto.

A roadside memorial is not a major problem really unless it could actually contribute to another tragedy. It upsets me more to see rubbish on the roadside.

People will cope with a sudden 'accidental' death differently. It would not be my way but my way won't be others' way either!

I ve never seen a permenamt roadside memorial,
I have seen flowers and there’s a flat not far from me where a mother killed her babies then jumped there is a permenant teddy and little flowers in the garden although it must be other tenants now
People seem to put flowers on benches now
I feel the flower thing started at Hillsborough I remember seeing the pitch was a complete carpet of flowers

I like the crocus idea

Hilltop I think I understand you better, thanks for that. I am still grieving and wonder if I will ever stop, I doubt I will ever 'move on' but maybe one day I will accept.

Hilltop. I understand exactly what you are saying. All really goes down to belief I think. For instance I dont believe where a person dies is where they are! I believe they are around us all the time. So for me, I would not like to visit motorways, roads, roundabouts or any other places to remind me. But that is me and I appreciate other people feel differently.

Nonnie, I have probably not explained myself very well. I have experienced the devastation of grief and tragic death, if move on sounds wrong then I apologise, but somehow we all have to survive and reach a point where we never forget the person but we do not let the circumstances be more important than the person.

I've not seen a permanent roadside memorial here.
It seems a bit strange to visit the roadside each year to lay flowers, but if it brings comfort, well, then why not?

Hilltop bit harsh that imo. Unless you have experienced a tragic loss, which all of these must be, it is hard to understand how difficult it is for people to "move on". I have experienced such a loss, no, not at the roadside but nevertheless very tragic and I would feel very hurt if anyone suggested I "move on". I don't think that is a matter of choice.

I don't like the roadside memorials personally but if it ..gives comfort to the grieving then let them have such comfort.

I find it very sad that people are not able to move on from the place of death, usually after a tragic accident. It is distracting for drivers to see roadside memorials, but it seems that society expect public grief, roadside shrines, facebook etc.

I recently took my DD to remember a family member who died recently whilst she was abroad, the quiet dignity of the crematorium, so peaceful and well tended was the right place to pay respects and remember happier times.

On the German motorways they have huge hoardings with a photo of a person killed with their date of birth and date of death. It really does hit home.

Jane10 I do think that planting crocuses (or any other bulb) as you describe is a lovely way to remember a loved one. Grief is very personal, different things/memorials offer people comfort, which others may find odd. Who are we to judge how they grieve or commemorate their dead friend/relative.