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Tenant and Space

(22 Posts)
Deni1963 Wed 15-Aug-18 11:42:41

Hi to you all.
I hope some might remember me after a bad start to the new year, separation from my husband and his multiple affairs.

I'm back on my feet, my children's house went through and they've moved out so I'm really enjoying the time to myself and getting the house sorted.

Fianacially I've had to take a tenant. He moves in Saturday and all references stated he was hard working and quiet. He comes from Hungry, and broken up with his gf.

My real worry is retaining my space. I don't want to feel I have to watch TV with him, or sit and chat if I really just want to be on my own. But how do you set these types of ground rules? I'm feeling apprehensive about having to give up my peace and quiet! Any tips?

rubytut Wed 15-Aug-18 11:54:57

Did you advertise that the whole house is a shared space? if not tell him which rooms he may use. If there is no TV in his room put one in. He may not want to sit with you either. I do feel for you I would not like to share my space, hope it works out.

FlexibleFriend Wed 15-Aug-18 11:55:49

Give him a tv in his bedroom, tell him he's welcome into the lounge etc but that you like to watch your soaps etc. in peace

stella1949 Wed 15-Aug-18 12:10:50

If he is a tenant he should have a set of "house rules" given to him , which set out all those things. He is presumably renting a room from you, not living there like a guest with full run of the house.

I assume that he'd have his own room and a bathroom and some kind of meal preparation area . Other than that he shouldn't be free to wander around in the rest of the house. Put a TV in his room - that is all the entertainment he should need. You certainly shouldn't be sharing your sitting room with him.

If he is coming on Saturday I'd type out the house rules and give them to him as he comes in. And be "friendly but not friends" . He is a tenant and you need to have boundaries so that he doesn't become too comfortable in your home !

sodapop Wed 15-Aug-18 12:13:56

Glad you are getting sorted Denil it must be a relief.
As far as your tenant goes you need to set out the ground rules right from the start. It's difficult to change things at a later date. Put a TV in his room, come to some arrangement about kitchen use and laundry etc, You can always relax the rules a little if things work out, its much harder to tighten them up. Good luck.

MawBroon Wed 15-Aug-18 12:29:28

I can add little to what has been said already. Remember this is not s “Friends” flatshare, but a professional agreement between you as landlady and a tenant.
Keep that distance.

grannyactivist Wed 15-Aug-18 13:02:20

Firstly he's not a tenant, he's a lodger; you should have a formal License Agreement that states the terms under which he's renting a room. He should have access to the kitchen and bathroom and use of other rooms as you decide. My lodgers (I've had many) usually want to keep themselves pretty much private, but we do often invite them to come and watch a film with us or share a meal. No lodger has ever taken advantage and most quickly develop their own circle of friends. The Eastern Europeans I've had have all been lovely.
A word of warning. It's quite common to have a 'honeymoon' period, followed by a few weeks where the lodger's habits may be irritating as the novelty wears off, but if you stick with it things soon settle down to a 'new normal'. The key to a good lodger experience is a bit of give and take, and having a list of common sense rules and enforcing them from the beginning. My current lodger has been with me for almost a year and has yet to put a foot wrong - we love her to bits, as we do many others who have stayed with us over the years.
I hope it goes well for you Denil. smile

JenniferEccles Wed 15-Aug-18 18:13:56

Denil Have you met this new lodger? I can't imagine for one moment that you would have agreed to share your home with someone you haven't met in person, but I can't see anything in your post to suggest you have actually met.

He may be described as hardworking and quiet, and hopefully he is, but this could be a nightmare scenario if you don't feel comfortable with him.

Also, supposing he gets a girlfriend. How would you feel about her possibly staying overnight? Or even if he invites male friends round for the evening. You say you appreciate peace and quiet, but you could feel that your home has been taken over.

You say he is Hungarian. I guess you have confirmed that he does have the right to live and work here?

Sorry to sound all doom and gloom as I realise you are doing this out of financial necessity, but there are so many potential pitfalls in this plan.

minesaprosecco Wed 15-Aug-18 18:53:23

I have kept my living room as my space, even though you have to walk through it to get to the rest of the house and it only has glass doors separating it from the kitchen/dining room. The rule is that my lodger is welcome to join me in the living room if the glass door is open. But to be honest, he spends most of the time in his room. It's working out fine, so far! Hope your lodger is as good as mine.

petra Wed 15-Aug-18 19:14:37

Hungary joined the eu in 2004.
Freedom to live and work in other eu countries, etc etc.

Deni1963 Wed 15-Aug-18 19:47:38

Thanks everyone - yes I've met him twice now and he has viewed the room also. He's pretty much alone here since being dumped by his gf who he came for, so don't anticipate any visitors.
Yes I guess I need some ground rules - he is quiet and very polite. So fingers crossed.
I just don't want to appear as if we are 'friends' rather than this is an arrangement x

ContraryMary88 Wed 15-Aug-18 19:53:50

Maybe you should have told him your rules upfront?

Glitterknitbaby Wed 15-Aug-18 20:56:01

So sorry to be such a wet blanket but would it not have been preferable to have a female lodger?
I would be very uncomfortable having a strange man living under my roof, you don’t know that much about him so I think you need to beware.
Yes I’m very sorry to sound alarmist but you can never be too careful in life.

Deni1963 Wed 15-Aug-18 22:51:40

I've talked with quite a few people about male or female - and most have said males are better. I have good neighbours and close by friends - and hopefully all will be well, but yes I'm nervous.

Melanieeastanglia Wed 15-Aug-18 22:56:20

I think it would be a good idea to start as you mean to go on.

FlexibleFriend Thu 16-Aug-18 11:39:51

I think it's natural to be a bit nervous whether the lodger is male or female as it's the first time you've done this but I don't think a male should be any more problematic in any way than a female. Less likely to want to friends for a start. I'd probably find a male easier as I've only ever shared a home with blokes, husbands, sons and friends of sons. I hope it works out really well for you.

Cabbie21 Thu 16-Aug-18 14:23:44

As Grannyactivist said, he is a lodger not a tenant. So if it doesn’t work out you only have to give him reasonable notice, usually a week, to move out.
Decide what you want to tell him about sharing the kitchen. Are you giving him fridge space? Are you allowing him to use the washing machine? When? What about drying clothes? Who provides washing powder, toilet roll, etc?
Keep your sitting room private , unless you choose to invite him in.

Deni1963 Fri 17-Aug-18 09:07:16

Thanks for all the advice - I've a contract a friend has done for me laying out some ground rules - hopefully all will be well - but if not at least I know I can do short term.

Dottygran59 Tue 21-Aug-18 11:16:51

Hi Deni

I chatted to a friend of my late mum's who told me that when her husband died she took in Eastern European male lodgers (2) and loved them. They looked after her more than her 2 sons did. They subsequently married and moved out and she became a surrogate grandmother to their children. I think I would prefer a male lodger. A bit of give and take and they might be persuaded to cut the grass if I ironed their shirts lol. Good Luck with it

Diana54 Tue 21-Aug-18 11:43:53

I've handled tenants in the past, my experience is men are better, couples, so so, kids or pets impossible. Set the ground rules make sure they stick to them after the honeymoon period.

I don't think anyone else has mentioned, inspect the room at least once a month to make sure it is kept clean. I had one woman complain about vermin - she had not cleaned anything for over 6 months, not the loo the shower, nothing. I could tell a few more horror stories if anyone wants to be shocked.

JenniferEccles Tue 21-Aug-18 17:32:31

Diana54 I for one would be very interested in hearing any horror stories you might have.

We own property we rent out, and hopefully are fairly clued up on how to avoid tenants from hell, but I'm sure there's still a lot for us to learn.

alchemilla Thu 30-Aug-18 15:18:41

How's it going, OP? Do you want to post the ground rules you came up with?

To anyone thinking of taking in a lodger, get them set before you advertise a room. That includes use of rooms, loudness, times of coming home, cleanliness, visitors and times they can visit. If you don't let them know, how can they guess?