Is it always ok to tell the ‘Truth’ ?

I think a rough rule of thumb might be that lying is never justified to benefit oneself but that a white lie or fib is often tactful to save the feelings of others.

I can't remember which famous actor it was who used to "go round" after particularly awful performances and say "Darling, there are no words!"

There is a difference between 'telling a lie' and 'being economical with the truth'. White lies can sometimes fall into the latter category. I think the 'Is it kind?' 'Is it true?' and 'Is it necessary?' distinction is perfect for most situations.

I was always taught to ask myself three questions before expressing an opinion. 1. Is is kind? 2. Is it truthful? 3. Is is necessary? If you answer "No" to any of those, say nothing.

My late MIL and her daughter my SIL both believe in "I speak as I find" which to my mind means being rude about someone else's personal appearance when an opinion has not been sought.

There is a difference between the truth, and the whole truth. It really is a dilemma at times which I am sure everyone has had, involving both the trivial and the important. My father told me to always own up if I had done something wrong. He said that if you say you are sorry, genuinely and at once, the other party will look pretty 'dog in the manger' if they keep on having a whinge about it. The truth does set you free, and I believe that wholeheartedly. On a slightly different tack, if someone asks for your opinion it is almost always possible to give it without being unkind. You could say something like 'It's a stylish dress, but I do think you might look even better in something slightly longer/ in a stronger shade to bring out the colour of your eyes etc.' Not, as I have witnessed, my cousin collapsing in hysterics at the sight of her friend in a truly awful bridesmaid's dress and shrieking 'Are you mad? You are never going to spend a day in public wearing THAT, surely!'. She was then surprised when her friend burst into tears having , of course, no choice......

bluegal I agree with your distinction between telling the truth about yourself and telling the truth about others.
One of the best pieces of advice ever given to me was that if you’ve done something wrong or stupid, just say ‘I’m very sorry, I’ve done something wrong or stupid’. That way leads to forgiveness and prevents recriminations at a later date, as concealment could lead to accusations of dishonesty as well as stupidity or wrongdoing.

As far as other people are concerned, ‘discretion is the better part of valour’.

I usually check first, and ask if they want my honest opinion, or a watered down version.

There are ways of dealing with someone who asks for a truthful opinion.
If the questioner is someone who would take offence at the bare truth, then I find something nice to say about the item, place, person without directly addressing their question.
In serious matters I always tell the truth, even if it means falling on my sword.
It makes life so much easier and people know where they stand.

Apparently we, on average, tell 9 lies a day....

I think one should be careful to understand what we mean by truth. A negative opinion about someones outfit is your perception, its not an absolute truth and to give it as if it was is wrong and not friendly. One only has to look at what is worn on the cat walk for which some people pay thousands of pounds to know how very varied peoples tastes are.

If people want an opinion about their hairdo or outfit they can pay a colour me beautiful consultant who will work around their values and beliefs with some care and tact.

If a friends has just got something from a catalogue and is thinking of sending it back then one might venture an opinion. However, when friends ask then one needs to answer sensitively one might say its different, its not one I would choose. The social context shapes what is appropriate to say. People who speak their mind are insensitive to social context so loose their friends and relations.

If someone asks my opinion about anything then I give it. I'm afraid if they don't like what I have to say then they shouldn't ask in the first place.
In nearly 70 years only one person has taken offence and not kept in touch so I considered her not to be a real friend. She asked if she could give her opinion on a piece of furniture I had bought when I first got married and I replied, 'No.' She never spoke to me again!

I would say what I felt was my 'opinion' when asked ie do you think I should do this? or ie do you like my new hairstyle.?
If the recipient is not happy with my answer then I would advise them to get a second or even third opinion.

I was taught that if the truth is likely to hurt someone that before telling it, I should ask myself "Who is going to benefit, if I tell the truth about this?" I have found this quite a useful guideline.

If I am only relieving my own feelings by telling someone a hurtful truth, then I should keep my mouth shut.

Asked by a dear friend who was in the terminal stages of cancer, "Am I going to die?" my mother replied, "We are all going to die, dear, but whether you are going to die now or later, only God knows."

When her friend then said that she wanted to know what the doctors were saying, as she had things she wanted to attend to if she was in imminent danger of death, my mother truthfully said that in her opinion one should deal with that sort of thing, as and when the affair occurred to one, as none of us know when we are going to die.

She offered to be present at a consultation with her friend's doctors, when she realised that the dying woman (who did die a week later) genuinely wanted to know whether it was now she should send for a solicitor and a priest.

Context is everything.

The nurse in the example mentioned above was out of line IMO; telling the relatives that the dying man might not make it home was one thing, telling the patient himself strikes me as unkind and unnecessary. After all if the poor man died on the way home, at least an attempt to fulfill his dying wish had been made.

I think it depends on the situation.

My own attitude is that I don't agree with telling fundamental lies about serious situations but I think a superficial lie (a white lie perhaps) is all right.

There is also lying by omission. Again, it depends on the situation.

Personally, I believe people should think very carefully before lying to the Police.

Unless I am asked for an honest opinion I keep stum.

I think there's a difference between withholding the truth and telling lies. There is no need to tell anyone they look awful in their new dress/outfit/hairstyle. Far better to tell a 'white' lie, unless they are at the contemplation stage, in which case you could gently guide them towards a different style. I personally don't like tattoos at all, but so many of my friends and family have them I keep my opinions under wraps and when someone has a new tattoo I say something like "oh it's really good" as nobody wants me to say "I'm sorry I don't like tattoos". Those people who pride themselves on always 'saying it how they see it' can be very hurtful at times. Why would you deliberately set out to hurt someone, even if it is the truth?

I used to sell clothes in a very upmarket shop.
We would often have MOB’s in or ladies splashing out on cruise clothing etc.
Very often they would squeeze themselves into something hideous or choose a style that was totally wrong.
On principle I could not take hundreds of pounds off a customer for an outfit that looked awful!
When asked for my opinion I would say “ that dress has sold really well however, let’s just make sure we can’t do better and would produce a more fitting item.
Invariably they loved the alternative and left feeling good about themselves.
There is always a kind way to be honest.

If a friend asks me if I like the dress, skirt et al and I don't I say "that's a lovely colour" or "ooh where did you buy that" seems to work!!

I think a few people make a very good point in that there's a huge difference between an opinion and a lie. If one is asked for an opinion then tact can be applied to avoid out and out unkindness. After all, someone else's opinion on the same matter might be completely different from one's own. Eye of the beholder and all that. However to lie about something which could cause harm or further consequences is not right. Yet again such truthfulness does not have to be brutal just kindly candid. There are ways of achieving this.

My gd age 10 was reading an Adrian Mole book at our house, her first grownup book and loving it. However I hadn't checked its contents (bad gran) and my gd daughter asked me what it meant when he said he hadn't had his daily W..k As quick as a flash I replied Weetabix as Adrian loved it and needed a daily helping. A lie, yes but it did the job.

Fat fingers: Purple not purpme!

Telling the truth is overrated in some situations and not rated highly enough in others!
In any public office, business dealings etc truth is essential.
When getting kids to behave is telling them Santa's elves are watching..a lie or a ruse?
A friend says " Tell me honestly do you like my purpme hair?" Do I tell the truth ( my opinion) or say it looks great!

I have an elderly aunt who has always prided herself on speaking her mind, i.e. the truth - as she sees it. As a result, many of the family have as little to do with her as possible. She is much like an old woman at a bus stop in the 60s when I was maybe 18 and wearing a very short skirt.

'I think you look dreadful in that!' she said, with a sort of triumphant pride. 'I don't know you, but I always say what I think anyway, and I think you look awful!'

Depends entirely on the context, IMO. I would never tell anyone bluntly that a new hairstyle or dress didn't suit them - especially if I could see that they were pleased with it.

Personally I told masses of fibs to my mother when she had dementia. I became very inventive at them. There was no point in insisting on the truth when a) she was never going to accept it and would very likely be angry, and b) she was going to forget whatever I said so quickly anyway.

@Bridgit had you thought that you may be wrong. It’s all about perception and we see things differently, even people’s appearance.