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uggh.. husbands birthday

(13 Posts)
gramma2three Mon 15-Oct-18 22:15:49

so.. husband turns 50 on thursday. We are a blended family, however he adopted my daughter and he was the custodial parents so our boys (from his first marriage) call me mom..and i am their mom in every sense of the word.. i could not love them more if i birthed them myself. Our daughter (mine from first marriage) is married and has two children..a girl and a boy who adore us and have never known another papa other than my husband (x well out of the picture) .... anyway..daughter is 31 with 2 kids..married.. eldest son is 30 and married..just had his first baby in July..youngest is 27..single and livin the life.. all live within 20 minutes drive of us. for SIX months ..with the help of my daughter we have been planning a night out. I booked off work. it is supposed to be Thurs on his actual birthday. Today i had to book sunday off work because the youngest forgot to book Thursday off work..the eldest boy wanted to move the dinner reso up to 430 he wants to get home in time to make the baby sleep.. only one that is going out of her way is MY daughter..ok ..OUR daughter.... i am out of line to expect that bio kids...his boys (mine too but i am not happy with them right now lol...and i am not bio mom) to respect the man that has done SO much for them? UGGHHH..vent over

gramma2three Mon 15-Oct-18 22:22:24

and yes..he has done so much for all of them (actually WE have) ..all three have had their educations paid for and lived at home as long as they needed (the eldest boy..till he was 26) we have dried their tears and cheered them on..we love them...just a bit disappointed right now

Nanagem Mon 15-Oct-18 23:04:12

I know it’s no comfort to you, but dare I say that’s boys for you. My daughter would be the one helping and my two sons being run around. I would book the meal to suit you all, Sunday at 4,30 I think you said, then thursday do something just the two of you. If it’s any help, when my husband was 50, he wasn’t happy with the thought of being “old’, so I took him to the seaside and we built sandcastle and ate ice cream, acting our shoe size my mum would say. He would love to be 50 now though !

agnurse Tue 16-Oct-18 00:22:23

I do think the one son is at fault for not booking time off, but I don't think it's unreasonable to consider the needs of a baby. Personally I would rather have an earlier dinner than a screaming baby.

I do agree that it might be nice to do something just the two of you on Thursday. It doesn't have to be super fancy. You could open a bottle of wine, maybe order a takeaway or make his favourite supper, and then have a quiet evening together.

stella1949 Tue 16-Oct-18 02:37:30

My DH wass 80 on Sunday. We also have a blended family. I wanted to have a big breakfast party on the beach, but everyone had plans which conflicted. So.....we were flexible. We went over to see one family for breakfast at their place, then we spent the afternoon going to a matinee at the theatre on our own , then we went over to another family for dinner and some card games.

Sometimes you just have to roll with the flow, OP. Don't turn birthdays into a big deal and you'll never be disappointed.

Jobey68 Tue 16-Oct-18 07:09:05

This is why I'm taking my husband away for his 50th next year as he did for mine this year! Far too much involved in co ordinating a family evening out and there will always be something that goes wrong leaving me feeling like you do towards whom ever let us down! ?

sodapop Tue 16-Oct-18 09:04:49

Perhaps you should stop differentiating between 'bio' children and others gramma that will cause resentment.

Coconut Tue 16-Oct-18 11:11:34

Personally I prefer to do a big buffet at the closest weekend and have an open house day when all can just turn up when they want with no time pressure. AC all have busy professional and personal life’s and it’s not always easy to juggle and keep everyone happy. In an ideal world, all could/should make the effort for a one off get together if they have enough notice to arrange this.

gramma2three Tue 16-Oct-18 11:58:30

thanks for all the advice ladies. I think i will take it on board and do the early dinner on sunday, and I love the idea of going for icecream and a walk on the beach on his actual birthday, as long as our temps hold up. This morning is zero degrees celcius...brrr. If its cold, maybe out to a little coffee shop for a pastry and hot beverage.

Happilyretired123 Tue 16-Oct-18 12:35:38

We are a blended family too with a mix of partners/older children/ young children. They live all over the place with different working patterns. Managed with much advance planning to get them all together for DH 65th but it will be the last time to attempt it! It gets increasingly difficult esp if some AC are less accommodating than others. Think it’s time to accept the fact that either you split time between them as we do now, or just arrange a time/place that suits you and invite them to attend or not as they wish.
Have a good time whatever happens?

Helennonotion Tue 16-Oct-18 14:22:33

It's my husbands 60th at the end of this month. We are doing absolutely sod all. ;-) We couldn't think of anything worse than a big family get together. Not that we don't get on, it's just so much pressure to have a great time and so much hassle to get people organised! Birthdays are just another day. We might just go out for an all you can eat breakfast, go home and sleep it off!

Smurf44 Tue 16-Oct-18 15:10:58

We went to Jersey for my 50th as I had always wanted to go there and never had the chance - just the 2 of us as my children had left home at that point! ?. On the actual day we visited Gerald Durrell’s Zoo as I had read all his books and was a great fan. It was a lovely feeling to be able to please ourselves without any hassle from other family members ???.

Camelotclub Tue 16-Oct-18 15:50:15

Good for you Helen. I hate big fusses too and loads of people.