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AIBU

To think this is just not acceptable (NHS related)

(147 Posts)
maryeliza54 Thu 08-Nov-18 13:33:44

British woman of 50 with three grown up children and several grandchildren goes to Cyprus for IVF. Comes home and has quads all delivered and( currently) in SCBU ( costs well over £1000 pd per baby) all on NHS. Sarah M on World at One described story as heartwarming - I am speechless.

Lumarei Sat 10-Nov-18 10:16:20

I think the most important issue are the children. Can they enjoy a happy and fulfilled life? If the parents can provide this - ok. However I very much doubt that she can cope with 4 babies then children and the teenagers on top of 3 other children at her age even if she thinks so. It is very selfish but so is a vast portion of society.

Shizam Sat 10-Nov-18 00:17:13

Just a last thought. What person, male or female, would want four babies all at once in their fifties, having already raised a family? Wouldn’t have wanted that in my twenties when I had knees and energy! So they are obviously insane.

Carolpaint Fri 09-Nov-18 23:27:04

Jalima that lovely sanity, yes I am advocating somehow to reverse human breeding. We are polluting and eradicating all the other creatures, do not know how to do it. China's one child policy became very slewed, did it not result in an imbalance of males and not enough children in farming areas? I do not begrudge the quads, but rather her than my daughter who is nearly the same age.

Jalima1108 Fri 09-Nov-18 21:09:32

We went to A&E EllanVannin, were seen very quickly and when we offered our NHS registration card they just smiled and said it wasn't necessary.
I have had to pay for a routine test.

EllanVannin Fri 09-Nov-18 21:01:57

Jalima I've never had free healthcare in Australia. I was billed for a consultation and treatment for a water infection.

Iam64 Fri 09-Nov-18 20:51:34

I find myself returning to the fact that just because we can do something, doesn’t mean we should.

Hm999 Fri 09-Nov-18 20:40:13

The babies are Brit so they get NHS support.

We've had a multiple birth in our family, and one big fear was getting sufficient neo-natal ICU cots in one place.

Jalima1108 Fri 09-Nov-18 18:29:40

That is a very good point Annana

Annana Fri 09-Nov-18 18:14:47

I feel that if theIVF treatment were done ,or at least allowed under our NHS , it would imply that we sanction it and accept any consequences resulting from it ( nr of children, complications, etc). However, since the lady deliberately went out of our national health contract, then her action in expecting us to foot the resulting bill, is morally wrong.
Naturally, we cannot punish the children for her action, but this should not have been celebrated.

Jalima1108 Fri 09-Nov-18 18:06:50

a moratorium
def: a temporary prohibition of an activity
Voluntary or by law?

They tried that in China Carolpaint resulting in much distress in many cases.

Jalima1108 Fri 09-Nov-18 18:03:39

It's not unknown for women of around that age to have a child naturally.
It's understandable that someone who has always yearned for a child and finds that IVF would help her fulfil that dream at 50 would take the opportunity - but this woman already has a grownup family and grandchildren, so I can't understand why she would want to undergo IVF, which is quite risky in itself, resulting in quads.

We know someone with quads, she is young and copes admirably as far as I know, but however fit and able someone is, their energy levels are rarely as high as those of a younger person.

Carolpaint Fri 09-Nov-18 16:43:57

I hope the babies thrive well and her and her husband enjoy their new family. There is a lot of ageism and mysogeny threading through many posts, when I did some research about 500 in the UK women over 50 gave birth to babies each year before IVF was even a glimmer. There is quite a lot of evidence that men over 40 should not be siring babies because of increased risk of abnormalities. I think Queen Victoria's father introduced haemophilia into Royal Lines, perhaps someone will correct me if I have remembered wrong. I do hope they are all free of any defects. Each to his own, but the one thought that I have is we have too huge a world population can we have a movement to introduce a moratorium on human breeding?

PECS Fri 09-Nov-18 16:42:42

Presumably the father is a similar age and involved in the decision? I do not argue her right to make the choice. I just do not feel it was a good choice.

annep Fri 09-Nov-18 16:25:08

Flipping heck indeed. lol. No one is being nasty. Just making a very valid point. As for older fathers like John Humphrys.. they should have more sense as well. Cyprus is at fault too. If you ok this treatment you should look after the pregnancy the whole way. Surely some kind of agreement is needed between countries.

maryeliza54 Fri 09-Nov-18 15:04:23

Flipping ‘eck Nora - where did that come from 123 ?I’m sorry you couldn’t have the children you wanted but do you feel any better for your vitriolic outburst?

GrannyGravy13 Fri 09-Nov-18 14:59:45

maryeliza- I did not hear the BBC broadcast, nor do I read daily newspapers, so my knowledge of this story is only what I have read on gransnett.

I am not sure if I am happy with the mother getting paid or receiving sponsorship for these little ones for any interviews, media appearances. (If this is the case)

If anything stories such as these give false hope to couples desperately searching for IVF clinics abroad to have a much loved child. I am not "au-fait" with the success rate of the clinic she visited.

123coco Fri 09-Nov-18 14:55:53

Ok I posted a polite post about this earlier today. I have come back to see what’s new in this thread and have to say I’m pretty disgusted at the sheer nastiness and judgmental things being said about someone you don’t know. Just accept older mothers are here to stay for many reasons!! I still am pleased for her and wish I could do it now and I’m older but missed the chance of motherhood due to 3 decades+ of neurological illness. As I said before I bet all you spiteful women have children and it doesn’t matter if she already does. She’s paid her national insurance. I wonder how many of you are/ have been smokers !!, a drain on the nhs! As if there isn’t worse things going on today to moan about. But most of you are being plain nasty ! The menopause happens at the age is does because of evolution not having caught up yet with longer like expectancy. Historically many grandmothers have brought up. children. Instead of using the term greedy entitlement about a stranger perhaps you should call yourselves SMUG. This thread is a terrible advert for gransnet!

maryeliza54 Fri 09-Nov-18 14:43:20

GG I don’t think for one minute we should ‘police’ who receives care. I do think we should put more into public health and preventative care though to address certain issues. But re this case, neither do I think she should be lauded and feted as amazing and I still think that the BBC were out of their collective minds in describing the story as ‘ heartwarming’

GrannyGravy13 Fri 09-Nov-18 14:38:23

Our NHS is definitely under enormous pressure agreed.

If we start "policing" those who use it, should we charge for people who have had accidents whilst taking part in sport, horse riding, skateboarding or even park runs?

Our NHS is suffering as a result of being successful in finding cures for so many more diseases nowadays as opposed to when it was founded. I am sure the original Doctors and Nurses had no idea what great advances in all medical/surgical specialties would come into play.

I have not get the answer.

TerriBull Fri 09-Nov-18 14:28:24

Yes agreed double standards on how older mothers are perceived as opposed to the older father. However, the nub of the argument is the cost to the NHS in this particular case. The Mick Jaggers of this world and their numerous offspring probably all have private healthcare.

Rosina Fri 09-Nov-18 14:23:33

The NHS is struggling and can do without extra pressure, and if this lady chose - and could afford - to go abroad for IVF then she should also have factored in costs of the birth and subsequent medical care. There was a case some years back of a woman who came to Britain with a certificate saying she was fit to fly, although she was almost at term, and had triplets here. Intensive care was needed and it was estimated she had cost the NHS around £200,000. When asked if she was going to pay for this she said no one had asked her for any money - and flew home. This cannot be right - the NHS is funded by national insurance and, like any other policy, you cannot expect a payout without having paid the premiums. I would add, Granny Gravy that nature has decided men remain naturally fertile to a much greater age than women, and I expect ageing rock stars 'go private'. Not that I agree with women in their 60s having babies - they are thinking of themselves, and not of the young person left without a mother in years to come.

maryeliza54 Fri 09-Nov-18 14:15:53

Loved of course

maryeliza54 Fri 09-Nov-18 14:15:29

GG i don’t think there’s any criticism of IVF on this thread - I have two very close friends who have had much lived and wanted children through this method. She has had 3 children so I think it’s hard to argue or be sympathetic about any primeval feelings she may have retained. And all she’s paid for (£7k) is the actual IVF - certainly once she came home from Cyprus pregnant every single bit of her care has been NHS. I think her age is a bit of a red herring - well it is for me. If she had been 10 years younger but with 3 children I would still criticise her as selfish and entitled and would not describe the story as ‘heartwarming’.

Sazz1006 Fri 09-Nov-18 14:10:40

Harrysgranwrote ‘Men carry on becoming fathers into their 60s and 70s and are congratulated and given a pat on the back especially if they are a celebrity’.
The fact is that when this happens, (Rod Stewart, Ronnie Wood, Mick Jagger for example) these men are invariably having those babies with much younger women who are still capable of running around after toddlers and are likely to live until their children reach adulthood.

GrannyGravy13 Fri 09-Nov-18 14:06:57

I have very mixed feelings over this story, IVF is prominent in our family, some successes but many failures and heartache.

Yearning for a baby is such a primeval feeling. She was obviously able to afford IVF and all the treatments and medication leading up to the procedure and she was very fortunate that it was successful.

There never seems to be the same outrage when an older Father is boasting about his babies (several aging rockstars spring to mind).