Gransnet forums



(11 Posts)
Chatty Sun 11-Nov-18 00:32:31

Hi i'm feeling pretty low atm. My daughter has just finished 4 rounds of ivf without success. She did get pregnant on round two but miscarried after a week. I'm finding it hard. I support her emotionally and financially but have no one in the same situation to talk to. I am grieving potential grandchildren and feel so sad. Does anyone know of any forum for sad gran wannabees that might help?

stella1949 Sun 11-Nov-18 05:54:17

Unfortunately IVF only has about a 15% success rate, as you are finding out. I don't know of any forums, but am sending you and hand hold. Best wishes to you and your daughter.

Grannyknot Sun 11-Nov-18 08:36:36

Chatty four failed IVF rounds, that must be so hard. My daughter has difficulty falling pregnant, and when she has succeeded, has miscarried twice (that I know of), and is adamant about not wanting IVF (which has been suggested by the clinicians). So I understand a little bit where you are coming from. What has saved me from constant worrying/sadness about it is acceptance, and a tiny bit of separating myself from being so immersed in it "on her behalf" as it were.

And I see her and my lovely son-in-law are getting on with their life together, which is comforting.

Do you have other children or grandchildren?

Anniebach Sun 11-Nov-18 09:19:51

Chatty. I know exactly how you feel, don’t give up hope, I have no wish to depress you many are successful, some fail, I went through what you are now struggling with, my younger daughter had 14 rounds of IVF over 20 years, the miscarriages and then last year the acceptance. You need to be very strong .

I will listen to you x

Marydoll Sun 11-Nov-18 10:35:12

Chatty, we went through a similar experience with my son and DIL. It's the initial joy, then sadness when a miscarriage happens and I too grieved for grandchildren I thought we would never see.
It got even harder when my friends were always talking about their wonderful grandchildren, but I put a smile on my face and looked at all their photos. it wasn't their fault that I was sad.
It has such a terrible effect emotionally on all the family. My DIL had a nervous breakdown, as she blamed herself for not becoming pregnant. It was so hard finding ways to support her.
They decided to have one last try after thirteen years of trying and we now have our darling granddaughter.
The hardest thing of all for me was eventually finding out that my son had inherited a gene from me, which causes male infertility. I have spent many hours beating myself up about this, but can't talk to anyone about this. This is the first time I have ever spoken about it.
I found my son and DIL didn't want to talk about it, as it was too painful for them, but they knew that DH and I were there if they needed us.
Chatty, flowers

Luckygirl Sun 11-Nov-18 11:59:26

It is nobody's fault when infertility strikes - and that needs to be put out of the mind immediately.

My dear niece and her partner had a number of IVF attempts, all of which failed, and one made her very ill and she was hospitalised.

They have now accepted that they cannot have children and have moved on, leading very full lives. I am filled with admiration for them. It is not easy and my own DDs (her cousins) felt uncomfortable announcing their many pregnancies - but she dealt with it graciously. She is an only child so my sibling will not have GC, but again, they have managed to accept this and move on with their busy life.

It is indeed hard for everyone and I feel for those in this situation.

EllanVannin Sun 11-Nov-18 12:35:27

This is so very sad as I can't imagine life without a family x

janipans Sun 18-Nov-18 17:45:40

My friend was telling me about the chinese accupuncturis/herbalist who was recommended to her for a problem she had.

Whilst there she picked up a photo album of "his babies". They were pictures of babies whose parents he was able to help using alternative chinese methods when IVF had failed. Might it be worth at exploring other avenues??

harrigran Mon 19-Nov-18 10:04:32

I am sorry that you are not able to have the GC you would love, it is sad.
In my family I am the only one who had children, I married a man who came from a very large family which I think increased the odds.
I think you have to know when to call a halt and get on with your life, long term treatment can take its toll.

Jane10 Mon 19-Nov-18 12:59:18

I'm so sorry to hear this. I quite understand your sorrow. I know its not really helpful but my sister had several rounds of IVF none of which worked. They gave up on it. Then after several years she fell pregnant naturally and had a boy and went on to have a little girl after that too. Miracles sometimes happen but you can't count on them.

mumofmadboys Mon 19-Nov-18 18:00:29

Chatty has your DD and her DH considered adoption? There are more children needing adoption than ever at the moment. ? Due to IVF being successful for a number of people. I'm sorry IVF hasn't worked but hope something will work out for them.