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AIBU

Great - Grandparents

(14 Posts)
Sarahmob Sat 24-Nov-18 16:05:51

AIBU - I’m getting really frustrated with my parents who keep pressuring my grown-up daughter and her family to visit them. I invite my parents to come and spend time with us while DD is visiting my home which they do, but then my mum is ‘offended’ if daughter returns home without visiting their house. My DD works so her free time is at a premium, she is getting to the stage where she doesn’t want to come home because of the pressure from her grandparents. I don’t know how to approach this problem - any advice?

ginny Sat 24-Nov-18 17:31:58

It’s not your problem. They are all adults so must sort it out for themselves. If either ‘side’ ask you to intervene , tell them what I’ve just said.

Tansy Sat 24-Nov-18 19:38:31

Well, actually, then, I wouldn't invite them for visits when dd is there. My dd would be my priority and frankly I'd want to save her the hassle.

I also wouldn't want to put her off seeing me just because of my parents.

Katyj Sat 24-Nov-18 20:36:34

I know where your coming from Sarah I have similar problems.I would put your daughter first, your being very generous inviting your parents over while your dd is at your house, you must want some time alone with them too.I find it smothering having mum there all the time as she takes over, I've stopped telling her now when we've been invited over to dc houses as she has been known to invite herself, which makes it difficult for us with ddil's and dsil's.They have had their time now it's yours.

tanith Sat 24-Nov-18 21:20:25

I am a GrtGrandmother and I agree with what Katyj says it’s your time now. I love to see my children and GC with their babies but I let my daughters have their time with their GC and if that means I don’t get to see them much then so be it. My daughters keep me up to date and also on FB the GC send me photos, it’s time for me to take a back seat.

M0nica Sat 24-Nov-18 21:21:50

Why not explain the situation to them and encourage your daughter to arrange to go and see them every three or four months.

Sarahmob Sun 25-Nov-18 06:42:24

Thanks everyone for your advice, I wish my mum was as understanding and reasonable as you seem to be tanith. This is the approach I’m trying to take but then when I visit my mum I get martyred sighs and complaints about how nobody cares about her anymore. Hey-ho, onwards and upwards grin

Grammaretto Sun 25-Nov-18 07:55:06

We are also the in between generation and the GGP are keen not to be left out but they can't cope with babies and toddlers for long so a brief visit suffices and as they live quite near us it's often possible for the families to call on them for a cup of tea on the way to us where they stay. Apart from big occasions when we all meet up.

Katyj Sun 25-Nov-18 08:13:04

It is a difficult one Sarah, I know what you mean about the sighs and complaints.I try and keep mum involved and up to date but it's never enough, she does see them every few weeks,I think she is lucky these days with everyone having such busy lives.What seems to help is having something to look forward to so I do try and arrange something a couple of weeks ahead.Good luck.

Maggiemaybe Sun 25-Nov-18 08:58:22

How lovely to have/be great-grandparents. It’s a shame that the special relationship they could have is being spoilt by them being so pushy. They are so fortunate to see the children regularly at yours, and your daughter should just turn a deaf ear, with your support, to pressure from them for more. Easier said than done though, I’m sure.

EllanVannin Sun 25-Nov-18 11:58:41

I've never pushed myself concerning seeing my GGC. It's an " as and when " situation between the family and the priority is my daughter if time allows her to visit when she has a day off work. I see it as a bonus when I see the G GC and it's not as if the children don't know me.
GD visits me with one or two of them when others are at school and nursery but I wouldn't cause mayhem by not seeing them as regularly as my D does.

ruthiep Sun 25-Nov-18 16:07:15

As a great-grandmother of 30 ggc...yes 30! We can hardly believe it ourselves...and over 40 grandchildren, I never pressurize anyone to visit. Every now and then I host a "pizza party" where everyone turns up at once; well..the ones who live in Israel anyway...we have over half our family back in London. The pizza party gives everyone a chance to get together with no pressure. When we visit our family in London one of them usually suggests making a pizza party there so everyone can see Grandma and Grandpa ie us!

M0nica Sun 25-Nov-18 16:21:43

Just be grateful you have great grand children. As people marry and have children later, the chances of having great grandchildren and being alive to see them will diminish.

I was 64 when my first DGC was born and if she waits as long as her parents did to have children I will have to live into at least my late 90s to see any great grandchildren

knickas63 Mon 03-Dec-18 16:56:07

My mother in law is the same. My kids phone her once in a while, and she always comes to family gatherings. Other then that, the girls visit once a month, the boy less so - but theyall work and have their own families and are very time poor. I'd like to see them make just a little more of an effort though.