Ruined New Year's dinner

I'd be annoyed too but, if she's a good friend in other respects, I'd say nothing. If you invite her next year, be firm from the start about what's happening with the meal.

But bringing food when you go to someone’s house is a bit of a thing in America isn’t it?
It's the same in Australia, no-one goes out to friends for a meal empty-handed. Even going for 'morning tea' involves taking something homemade in the biscuit or cake line.

We just tend to take a bottle of wine and flowers or chocs in the UK, unless it's a 'bring-a-dish' type of meal.

*Overthehills' was your DD's friend a previous contestant on 'Come Dine with me' That made me laugh!

I think you just needed a rant Willa and you won’t let it spoil the friendship. It sounds such a delicious meal, well done you! Invite them back soon, let them bring the pudding and then forget the whole thing.
I was a bit put out by DD’s friend who arrived empty handed, wasn’t impressed with our choice of drinks so had a cup of tea with his meal (!) and asked where I’d bought my signature dish (I think he was trying to be funny). It’s helped me to get this off my chest and I hope your rant has helped you too!

I think the friend was expecting a more casual affair, possibly?

willa your dinner sounded lovely.
I totally sympathise. I never serve nibbles and I never eat them either!
I make everyone wait and work up an appetite.
As for arriving an hour late...... words fail me.
But bringing food when you go to someone’s house is a bit of a thing in America isn’t it? I’ve noticed it when we have been there. I wondered whether it was a custom dating back to pioneer days when food was scarce so everyone contributed.

Pretzels! The peasants!

On a serious note, I would let it go. You've been friends a long time and liked them enough to want to spend N.Y. with them. In future, I would just point out you're cooking 'x' and say 'bring a bottle' if they really want to contribute. And tell them to come an hour earlier than you actually want them there

You went to a lot of effort (menu sounded fab) so I feel your frustration but maybe some crossed wires about what was planned, what should be brought and what could be consumed. Some people are so lonely over the festive season. At least you have friends willing to see the N.Y. in with you. Let it go, let it go..... Sorry, listened to a lot of 'Frozen' over Christmas!

I can sympathise, spent hours preparing and cooking the turkey and everyone was full by the time we got to that course. Daughters’ mother in law brought so many starters that everyone was too full. It’s daft but it really niggled me for a few days after. We did manage to eat/ freeze it after though in various ways.

Oh dear, but my thrifty mind would not have allowed me to toss anything, into a plastic whatever, Bakkie, bag, clingfilm whatever, and into the freezer it goes.
They do say certain things don’t freeze well, but I always try. Just me.

Let it go.

Hate pretzels

Reminds me of the last NY party we ever had, years ago now, when half the guests did not turn up, two were ill and two just did not show, and one had not replied either way. Never again. Loads of food left over.

Always disappointing when best laid plans and effort are disrupted. She wanted to contribute to the evening as any thoughtful guest would. Next time ask her to bring the champagne and after dinner chocolates. Do not let it spoil a friendship.

If anyone asks me if they can bring anything, I always say ‘just bring your lovely faces ‘ I find that usually works

LuckyFour This is not unusual in the U.S When I spent a Xmas and New Year with relatives who live there it was not uncommon for guests to bring food.

Just to calm the atmosphere if there was one and it was noticed why not phone your old friend and say it was a lovely evening and would they join you again next year but only if the don’t bring pretzels- or anything else. That way it brings it into the open and you can all laugh about it.

Is a hot and cold buffet the answer.? I have found you can never have enough eats at these .Why spoil friendships over food.

Normally we do pool NYE food, at whichever house, so perhaps it's a bit of a norm for that particular evening. This year there were going to be just 4 of us, so I was going to just do an easy meal without contributions but our guests cancelled through illness, and I downgraded our meal to an even easier one to prepare!

Of course your friend will have noticed ‘the tension in the air’. Sounded like a superb dinner though & you went to a lot of trouble - for yourselves too as it was NYE and special - why not? Just a shame for all of you for different reasons. Let it go. I hope you’ve spoken on the telephone since?

Where do you live Willa45? Me and DH would love to come to you for New Year next year. Won't bring a thing. It sounds like a wonderful meal!!

Don't be angry willa45 - I think the company was really more important than the food, even though you were focusing on the meal.
I expect everyone was chatting away and enjoying themselves and that's why so many pretzels were consumed. It's happened to me too in the past - "sorry no room for pudding" grrr!
Next time cook something easy. Invite your friend to bring the pudding, and then try to relax if things don't quite go to plan.
Probably, no one but you had as much "invested" in the dinner so being angry will only hurt and upset you.
I hope you do another New Year next time round and that you feel better afterwards.
And if too many pretzels are eaten it will probably be their pudding that's wasted!

It sounds as though she was mortified at the idea of turning up empty handed, and had a last minute panic (hence them being late). I would leave the friendship intact and take the lesson from it. If you invite them again (and why not) ask her to bring something - maybe the dessert? Also, do a casserole so it doesn't matter too much if they're a bit late? Good friendships are far more important than a dinner that wasn't "perfect".

Baggs or my husband's saying:

"If you're not 5 minutes early, you're late".

I'd worry an idiot like that didn't notice my annoyance! Blimmin' cheek, not to mention rude, coming an hour late. There’s a saying: "Five minutes early is on time; on time is late; late is unacceptable."

I knew there was a reason why I don't like pretzels. I gave a box away that appeared over the hols as a gift. No thanks, at any price. The meal itself sounds fantastic! Coquilles Saint Jaques, blimey!