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Are pensioners perceived differently now?

(187 Posts)
Namsnanny Thu 03-Jan-19 15:43:53

I was just reading the thread about looking after gc and the fact that a lot of people seemed to be not only bearing the physical cost of the gc but increasingly the financial cost too.
Do you find this is a new phenomenon or is it something that always went ondo you think?
From my perspective I never thought of my parents let alone my gp’s as a cash cow and only ever received money towards my wedding (which I was very grateful for but budgeted the day on mine and h’s financial abilities).
When the children were born we only had them when we could afford to and considered our health (I was ill after all three) and capability (h has a long term disability) before we went ahead.
Whilst we were only too happy for the gp’s to babysit we were well aware one set worked full time and the others were quite old. So we wouldn’t have dreamed of imposing.
As for them paying out for day to day things-No that was down to us!
Does anyone think the relationship between the generations has deteriorated in recent times? How do and why do you think?
Could it be linked to a better financial standard for pensioners today? My mum always gave me a bag of coal or a cake to take to my gran, so I grew up with an awareness of her situation. Nowadays it’s the reverse. I’m more likely to hand cash to my kids and gc saying ‘you can always make use of it”

The press seems to revel in anti pensioner stories...(stagnating housing market, drain on nhs, too politically powerful as a group, now over feeding gc to cause obesity!!)
All of this negativity feeds into our relationships I think.
I’ve even heard one of my nearest and dearest commenting that a pensioner looks incongruous driving a new car! As if somehow they don’t deserve it.
Sorry to waffle on, but Have you felt the.effects of the generational divide?

notanan2 Fri 04-Jan-19 15:57:37

Pensioners are perceived differently because they ARE different

There hasnt been and wont be again generations that will qualify for potentially 40years of pensions.

My grandparents didnt expect to live much longer after retirement age.
I dont expect to retire until MUCH later than my parents did

Only my parents generation will benefit from the combination of retiring relatively early & potentially living on for a further 20, 30, 40 years!!

trisher Fri 04-Jan-19 15:59:37

I think that's a load of old tosh Nonnie. I've read a lot of posts on GN and some indicate quite clearly that the posters have no social conscience whatsoever, that they embrace the capitalist system which only works if people consume more and more, and object to properly supporting those in need. They are then surprised that younger people aren't considerate. Consideration and care has to be taught from an early age and an example set.

notanan2 Fri 04-Jan-19 16:04:46

When my grandparents retired they were OLD. not in todays terms, but they were much frailer than my parents were at the same age and didnt live as long. There were no cruises or trans continental train rides or new hobbies etc, regardless of budget they wouldnt have been ABLE to be that active. They were unfit to do much by the time they retired.

Pensions were not designed to support ACTIVE FIT people for decades. They were designed to sustain people who were too old to work in the twilight of their lives. And they are going to return to that format. I imagine that in future you will have to qualify as incapacitated to work in order to get a state pension, so there'll be no fit and active retirees once again.

maryhoffman37 Fri 04-Jan-19 16:23:42

My grandparents were all dead before I was born and my parents died before my children were born, so I have had no experience of any of this. My own grandchildren live too far away for anything except occasional babysitting.

luluaugust Fri 04-Jan-19 16:30:40

Only one of my grandparents lived beyond their 70's and I knew her as a little old lady, between OH and myself only one parent lived beyond their early 70's, our grandchildren have all their grandparents living one set well into their 80's obviously we are causing a log jam. I do agree with notanan 2 that the State Pension was not designed to be used as it now is and was expected to be paid for a few short years if at all. I'm slightly worried as people do give me a seat on the underground, I sometimes wonder if they think it will be more bother if I fall over!

Lancslass1 Fri 04-Jan-19 17:04:35

Nonnie re Facebook.
I don't know enough about it to judge it I admit but I keep getting emails telling me that certain people-even my granddaughter wants to be my Facebook friend.
Other people who I don't know apparently want to be my Fb friend as well!
I think when I first got a computer -in my 70s! -I must have done something so that my name is somewhere stored in the ether.
I spend enough time looking at this particular site without looking for more folk to get in touch with.
This probably isn't thev place to ask this next question but why would I want to contact somebody I know-like my granddaughter through Facebook ?

PECS Fri 04-Jan-19 17:07:36

We are all expected to be more active and make longer contributions to society in terms of work/tax. I am still working p/t at 68. I do not mind as I enjoy what I do

I think that some more mature folk cannot see the positive in anything and love to grumble. The younger people I know mostly work in public services or for charities. They did not go chasing big money or flashy lifestyles. Probably because their parents (our friends) did not encourage them to aspire to that consumerist lifestyle. They are passig that on to their kids. I do not suggest they are "do goody sack cloth and ashes." They know how to party and have fun but they are not absorbed with having stuff either! Good job as thy don't earn enough!

Barmeyoldbat Fri 04-Jan-19 17:09:06

I think on reflection I was a bit harsh earlier about this generation, its just that a neighbour had put in for planning permission to build what looked like Buckingham Palace onto their very modest house. It would have completely over looked our property and cut out a great deal of light. When met to talk about it it was all about her needs and her investment in her property and our thoughts were completely dismissed. Good news is it was refused but I was feeling pretty fed up with all the work I had to put into getting the result.

westerlywind Fri 04-Jan-19 17:25:31

No matter how hard we try to bring up our own children, once they are old enough to go out and about by them selves starting at about 14/15 in the case of mine, they meet people who have been brought up differently and have different values. Our DCs are influenced by others. Then when they meet their parnter/spouse they spend more time with them than us. They are experiencing another set of differing views and opinions which could be purposely set at odds with out own views.
We cant influence our DCs all their lives. They make choices and sometimes or often not the choices we would have wished them to make

PECS Fri 04-Jan-19 17:29:45

barmy there have always been, will always be self centred people. Age is irrelevant. Just think it is not generational but to do with attitudes and values.

Lancslass1 Fri 04-Jan-19 18:06:16

Annep ,I am fortunate in as much as my children are better off financially than I am and they have told me to spend any money I have and not to save it for them.I have never been "used" by them at all regarding looking after my grandchildren when they were younger either.
Regarding the way older people are treated by others.....
When my husband and I were travelling on a tube train we both had to stand as there were no seats
A younger woman stood up for me and I thanked her and sat down.
Another younger woman who was sitting with a dog on her knee told me how terrible I was taking the seat when there was an old man still standing up.
I had great pleasure in telling her that my husband would not dream of sitting down if I were left without a seat.

Marieeliz Fri 04-Jan-19 18:35:19

My gran never looked after me. Even though we lived with her, at the time, when my brother was born in hospital in the 40's because my Mum was an"older mother", 33. I was sent to a home for six weeks. Mum had other problems and was kept in hospital for six weeks so my new baby brother was put in another care home. I remember going with my Mum to collect him.

Young people today don't know how the other half lived in the 40's and 50's.

Nonnie Fri 04-Jan-19 18:40:51

trisher I would never be so rude as to call someone's opinion 'tosh' therefore I cannot comment on what you think of other people. You must mix with the sort of people I don't have anything to do with so I bow to your superior knowledge and am happy to mix with much nicer people.

Saggi Fri 04-Jan-19 18:45:07

My mother did all she could to help me with my kids, although she worked into her 70’s , didn’t drive, and lived thirty miles away. She was there when I had my first stroke in my 30’s , came to stay and took on a five year old and a 17 month baby. My husband was and still useless with any domesticity. When I recovered she left us to get on with it. No expectation of reward or even thanks. A proper mum. My mIL on other hand lived 3 miles away and did not once step into our house to wipe a cup up, let alone cook clean or childcare. She was 15 years younger than my mum....and wouldnt lift a finger for me , her son or my kids. Mind you her son is the same . Some families never change whatever the generation, they jump in...do what’s needed and help! Other families are crap, they will watch you struggle and scrape and sometimes sink under the weight of it all! Nothing to do with generations and everything to do with humanity and upbringing.

Nonnie Fri 04-Jan-19 18:48:55

Lancslass no reason at all why you need to contact people you know, it is personal choice. I have friends all over the country and in other countries who I don't see very often so we all enjoy updating people with updates of what is happening in our lives and to share amusing stories.

I have no idea where the information comes from for you to get those emails. I have never had one but I have had friend requests on Fb and I decline them if I don't know them or if I don't wish to communicate with them. I have also been known to 'unfriend' someone when I didn't like her opinions. I think that we read too much about abuse on social media which is of course very difficult for teenagers who feel the need to do what their peers do but when we are older we can pick and choose who we 'speak' to on SM,

willa45 Fri 04-Jan-19 18:57:07

Many young people are being raised too dependent these days. They are being systematically dis-empowered by a false sense of entitlement and that their mundane problems will always be solved for them by others. For some, life often ends up teaching them the hard way, but others never grow up.... these are the ones who still expect 'someone else' to bail them out of a serious problem, and 'someone else' to blame when that doesn't happen.

Seniors are vulnerable. It's easier to accuse the elderly of hoarding money and resources that dis-empowered young people mistakenly feel entitled to by virtue of their 'meritorious' existence. They need to understand the concept of 'earning' and that hard work is only part of the equation.....many lack the needed vision to recognize opportunity and that ultimately there's luck....and the fact that life is not always fair.
Lacking the tools they need to succeed in life, they instead get angry and respond negatively towards those who achieve.

Having said that, I also believe that what goes around comes around. Give it another generation or two plus a little bit of attitude adjustment and there's still reason to hope!

Saggi Fri 04-Jan-19 19:05:34

Oh notanan2.....so you expect to retire in you 70’s.....well when did you start work ....17/18/19/20/21....my mother started work at 14 in a mill.... my grandmother started work at 12 and worked 10 hours a day...my father started work at 13...worked 10 hours out in all weathers on a horse and cart...6 and a half days a week. What a terrible thought having to work til 70. I’m 68 and still working.... and I started work at 11... on a milk round starting at 4 in the morning , working til 8 going to school. Made me the independent woman I am today. Certainly not a whiner!

notanan2 Fri 04-Jan-19 19:08:43

Many young people are being raised too dependent these days. They are being systematically dis-empowered by a false sense of entitlement and that their mundane problems will always be solved for them by others.

IMO the first part is right but the rationalle is wrong.

Young people are FORCED to be dependant.
When I was a teen I had waitress, shop & childcare jobs.
Jobs which teens can no longer get.
I had friends who had worked their way up to management by 18/19. Now you have to stay in full time education or exploitative "apprentiships" until 19.

We had freedom AND responsibility. Nowadays they just have responsibility with no freedom.

It is not down to young people having the wrong attitude, they do not have the OPTIONS I had at their age and they are RIGHT to be disgruntled about it.

notanan2 Fri 04-Jan-19 19:10:43

Oh notanan2.....so you expect to retire in you 70’s.....well when did you start work ....17/18/19/20/21...

15 for fullish time hours. Babysitting since 13.

notanan2 Fri 04-Jan-19 19:16:01

Expectations are different now and I do think some people feel entitled to have financial and practical support from their parents.

Its not so much that they expect it.
More that they realise that it is only their peers who have family help who have a hope in hell of owning a traditional family home.

I only own because I was able to get in on the market back when it was still doable without family help. If I were starting out now I wouldn't stand a chance.

notanan2 Fri 04-Jan-19 19:19:24

A basic on road parking terrace in an area thats commutable to the main centres of employment round here is now about 300K!
There are FLATS on the market here for 250K! (Not luxury penthouses I might add)
How on EARTH can a couple on average incomes get a foot in by themselves??

notanan2 Fri 04-Jan-19 19:23:14

If I had to rent near enough to my work NOW it wouldn't leave me any of my salary.

Back when DH and I started we were able to rent a comfortable flat with money left over to save.
Honestly the situation is so hopeless for young people that I think there would be something scarily apathetic about them if they DIDNT complain!

Lancslass1 Fri 04-Jan-19 19:23:38

Nonnie ,thank you .

I must admit I don't know a lot about the Internet and only found this site by accident when I googled Anita Manning who is on Bargain Hunt and ended up here.

Barmeyoldbat Fri 04-Jan-19 20:15:28

Yes PECS I reckon you right.

trisher Fri 04-Jan-19 20:22:24

Woo Nonnie it isn't my fault if you have a narrow circle of friends but actually I didn't say anything about the people you know only abot he people who post on GN and who sometimes post views that contradict all the caring things they are claiming on this thread.
I do know people from all walks of life and one thing I have noticed is that those who have the least are often the most generous.